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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25481851">Without Redemption</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettydotty/pseuds/Prettydotty'>Prettydotty</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MDZS, MODAOZUSHI, cql, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Healing, M/M, Redemption</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 01:59:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>57,361</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25481851</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prettydotty/pseuds/Prettydotty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate ending fanfic for Yi City arc. (note, this is a fanfic based primarily off of the tv show adaptation the Untamed for the novel MoDaoZuShi by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. Plot points such as Jing being alive, not a ghost, and what the characters look like in the tv show are used in this fanfic)<br/>Xue Yang has fallen to Bichen, Lan Wangi's sword. In a final desperate attempt to be near Xiao Xingchen, Xue Yang traps himself in his coffin to die. But demonic cultivation is a finicky thing and his Stygian Tiger Seal may have other plans for the impulsive delinquent and the gentle, tragic taoist Xiao Xingchen.<br/>This story follows what would happen if Xiao Xingchen had been brought back to life as the heartbroken but still beautiful man and if Xue Yang would take his chance to redeem himself to the only man who's ever been kind to him.<br/>Warning: Gore, mildly explicit language, and sexual content (obviously)<br/>Story begins in the middle of the Untamed Story and includes a few plot points from the show.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangi, Xiǎo Xīngchén/Xuē Yáng</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Inside Xiao Xingchen’s Coffin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Begins final battle between Wei Wuxian, Hanguang Jun, and Song Lan against Xue Yang.<br/>
"Wei Wuxian, you are relentless!" Cries Xue Yang. Projecting images of himself into the fog in all directions. Wei Wuxian and Hanguang Jun fight with the illusions until they all fade. But still no sign of Xue Yang. Tap, tap, tap. They hear through the fog. Wei Wuxian glances at Hanguang Jun and they rush towards the sound. Wei Wuxian produces a talisman and tosses it into the air. The fog thins for them to see enough to realize where they are. They are back by the coffin of Xiao Xingchen. Jing is tapping furiously on the coffin, her fingers gripping the edge of it trembling.<br/>
Wei Wuxian sighs. "We know, Jing that Xiao Xingchen is here."<br/>
She taps more furiously.<br/>
"Wei Ying," Hanguang Jun says in his unchanging monotone voice.<br/>
Wei Wuxian looks down into the coffin to see Xue Yang. He is laying on top of Xiao Xingchen's body to the side, gripping the pale corpse' chest with one hand and holding his bleeding stomach with the other.<br/>
"Stupid girl I should have killed you," he grinds his teeth.<br/>
Wei Wuxian immediately pushes Jing behind him. Hanguang Jun draws his sword to strike inside the coffin to end the delinquent as he trembles gripping the long-lost man in his bleeding fingers.<br/>
Bichen bounces off and returns to Lan Wangji's hand. He glances at Wei Wuxian.<br/>
"Using a dead man's coffin as a shield. You really are shameless," says Wei Wuxian tossing his flute up into the air and catching it again.<br/>
"These talismans will be difficult to crack," says Xue Yang hoarsely. "I made them to protect him. It will take weeks to break into this."<br/>
"Why don’t we just put the lid on and lock you up in with him and let you starve or die from that wound? You don’t think you can actually escape death with silly trick like that?" Says Wei Wuxian walking over to the coffin lid.<br/>
"Wei Wuxian, you are mistaken. I'm not here to escape death I've simply chosen my coffin," replies Xue Yang.<br/>
"You want to die in a worthy man's coffin? You are unbelievable!" Says Wei Wuxian.<br/>
"Wei Ying," says Lan Wangji approaching the coffin closer. Wei Wuxian moves nearer to Lan Wangi. The spirit pouch that held Xiao Xingchen's last breath is back in Xue Yang's hand. Wei Wuxian checks himself. "That clever thief!" He exclaims.<br/>
"Years on the street taught me to be a good pickpocket," says Xue Yang still holding onto Xiao Xingchen's motionless chest.<br/>
"His spirit will go into that pouch with Xiao Xingchen's. Can that poor man ever be rid of you?!" Exclaims Wei Wuxian. "He killed himself just to get away from your twisted games."<br/>
"Aaah!" Xue Yang screams and grips the corpse tightly.<br/>
"Wei Ying. Can you break it? Can you break it before he dies?" Asks Hanguang Jun.<br/>
Wei Wuxian focuses carefully on every talisman lining the edge of the coffin. The barrier goes around the coffin and inside of it acting like a lid and walls even if both are destroyed. Wei Wuxian closes his eyes and pulls a talisman out. He pushes it onto the barrier. It trembles a little but doesn’t break. He creates more, tossing them in rapid succession towards the barrier. Its invisible until its hit and becomes a black shadowy wall. Xue Yang starts to shriek uncontrollably seeing his expert barrier weakening faster than he predicted. Wei Wuxian bites his lip to keep blood from coming out as he becomes fatigued. Lan Wangji notices before he can hide it and moves to catch him before he falls.<br/>
Xue Yang’s shrieks become deafening. Jing covers her ears. An uncontrolled chaotic spiritual power is released within the small space of the coffin. The stygian tiger seal spills out from his clothes and lands on Xiao Xingchen's chest. Its black energy rising out from the seal that had kept it contained. It latches onto Xue Yang's wild spiritual energy and starts to suck it up. Xue Yang's shrieks become pitiful wails as if his very life is being sucked out of him. "Xiao Xingchen," he weeps pulling the dead man's once clean white clothes towards his face. "Please, please..."<br/>
He reaches to take the seal with his weakened fingers. His finger touches the seal and he shakes like he'd been shocked. He takes the seal in his hand one more time, his hand too weak to even leave Xiao Xingchen's chest, and he exerts a final shriek and release of his spiritual power to seal up the coffin securely with the seals power.<br/>
But the seal was not made to make coffins secure, this one, in particular was specially crafted by Xue Yang to resurrect a dead man.<br/>
Xue Yang loses consciousness. The spirit pouch splits open in the chaos releasing Xiao Xingchen's last breath. The black seal spreads across Xiao Xingchen's body as his fragmented spirit hovers over, unsure where to go or what to do. Song Lan reaches the edge of the coffin. He grips the sides punching at the barrier desperately trying to get in and save his friend from whatever evil Xue Yang intends. Wei Wuxian stands to his feet and tries again to crack the barrier. Hanguang Jun is by his side holding him up. Jing is standing behind Wei Wuxian her hands over her ears still.<br/>
Just a breath but enough to take one, then perhaps another, then one more after that. The fragment of his broken soul longs to touch these people he knew, these people he loved. Slowly it settles down comfortably into Xiao Xingchen's head and with a little blue flicker of light enters back in. The seal's black tentacles reach around Xue Yang's unconscious body and pull out burning red strands of his spiritual power and life. Then, just as that line is about to end it snaps. Xiao Xingchen takes a breath.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. First Breath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>And then another. And then another one after that. He fumbles around trembling and disoriented. There’s an unconscious man laying on his arm and a small metal object laying on his chest. He reaches around with his free arm to the sides of the coffin. He sits up but the barrier blocks him. Jing gasps and even Wei Wuxian is startled.<br/>"Song Zichen?" He says in a weak voice.<br/>"Song Lan is here!" says Wei Wuxian quickly. "And so is Jing."<br/>He sighs in relief. A gentle smile creases the corners of his mouth.<br/>"I do not recognize your voice, young master, but could you tell me how to get out of this..." he feels around the edges. "C...coffin?"<br/>Wei Wuxian sighs. "I've been attempting to break the seal but with little success. The man who laid this barrier is extremely skilled."<br/>Xiao Xingchen feels around the edges of the barrier. Song Lan touches the edge, his hands trembling, hardly able to contain his joy at seeing his friend again.<br/>"Song Lan is very excited to see you."<br/>Xiao Xingchen smiles brighter. "There’s another man, he is unconscious and also trapped here. Could you tell me who he is?"<br/>Wei Wuxian glances over at Lan Wangji, unsure whether to tell him or not.<br/>"He is the man who laid the barrier."<br/>"Did I need to be contained?" Sudden concern lines his face.<br/>Wei Wuxian's eyes warm at the sheer kindness of this man. "No, I believe it had to do with keeping others out. Some sort of protection for your body."<br/>"So, this man was taking care of my body. How long have I been dead?"<br/>"About ten years," says Lan Wangji gently.<br/>"Hanguang Jun. You're here as well," he says wondering if this was some sort of event, his return to the world, and is starting to feel slightly nervous.<br/>"Yes," says Lan Wangji.<br/>"So, I need to wake up this man who is beside me and ask him to release the barrier," he says touching Xue Yang's shoulder and gently shaking him. "He hardly has any life in him. It seems his spiritual energy is extremely depleted, I can barely detect a core in him."<br/>Wei Wuxian glances at Lan Wangji who nods slightly. "Xiao Xingchen. This might frighten you so please brace yourself."<br/>"That man is Xue Yang."<br/>Xiao Xingchen begins to tremble violently and attempts to take some shuddered breaths. "Xue – Yang?"<br/>"He had a stygian tiger seal. We were about to kill him but he trapped himself in there with you. Somehow, while we tried to break the barrier Xue Yang got his power sucked out or released it into the seal and revived you. I am not entirely sure how it happened. You don’t seem to be a walking corpse with your cognition intact but I will know for sure once I've seen you closer."<br/>Xiao Xingchen didn't hear very much of what Wei Wuxian said. He just heard that dreadful name and fixated on it.<br/>"Listen, the longer you stay there with him the worse everything will get so you must wake him up. We will strike some kind of deal with him to allow you out of there."<br/>"He's sure to kill me," he says.<br/>"He spent 10 years trying to bring you back, killing you would be highly unproductive," says Wei Wuxian simply.<br/>"He...he tried to bring me back?"<br/>"There will be a lot of time to talk later on, for now we just need to get you out of there, you'll need to eat and drink and be with Song Lan then you will feel better."<br/>Xiao Xingchen nods. He reaches into his sleeve and pulls out something small and wrapped in brown paper. He unwraps it to reveal a candy. Jing's breath catches when she sees it.<br/>Xiao Xingchen puts the candy into Xue Yang's mouth. He groans in pain and coughs but his incurable sweet tooth makes it impossible for him not to wake up to enjoy it. Xiao Xingchen starts to tremble once again.<br/>Wei Wuxian's eyes widen in surprise that Xiao Xingchen managed to wake him up so successfully.<br/>Xue Yang's eyes slowly open. They settle immediately on Xiao Xingchen’s pale and still ghostlike face. "Xiao Xingchen!" He says excitedly before the reality of his situation sets in. "Are you alive or am I dead?" He says. "I'm dead, right? I must be. I was dying and I was in your coffin." He sighs almost happily to himself. "Xiao Xingchen..." he pauses, unsure what to do with his words. "I don’t feel dead. My stomach still hurts. I suppose that's not a surprise. I'm eating a candy. Xiao Xingchen, am I not dead? Am I dreaming? I must be hallucinating right before I die." He sighs deeply. "That's disappointing. I truly thought I was with you. I'm sorry, I suppose a hallucination before I die would feel real." He chuckles. "Its really quite perfect too. I'm eating a candy and I'm with you. I couldn't have planned it better." He laughs and laughs until he starts to cry.<br/>"You talk quickly for a dying man," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"You...you can talk too." He smiles the intense fatigue in his nearly lifeless body hits him. "I think I'm going to die now. I can see you in the spirit pouch. We can talk there."<br/>"I don’t wish to talk to you, Xue Yang," says Xiao Xingchen as firmly as his shaky voice can muster. "And if you die, I will not follow; since I'm alive."<br/>Xue Yang puts his hand out slowly and painfully and stops just in front of Xiao Xingchen's mouth and nose.<br/>"You're breathing," tears fill his eyes. "I did it. I actually did it."<br/>"Xue Yang, I don't presume to know why you have been so intent on bringing Xiao Xingchen back but since you are both trapped in a coffin why don’t you save your moment of glory for a later time."<br/>"Wei Wuxian," he grits his teeth. "You won’t allow me any moments after I leave this coffin to say or do anything."<br/>"What do you want? Xiao Xingchen needs to get out of there as soon as possible," says Wei Wuxian tapping his fingers on his flute impatiently.<br/>"Hanguang Jun," says Xue Yang. "Swear to me I won't be killed by anyone but Xiao Xingchen here."<br/>Wei Wuxian's eyebrows raise. "That is surprisingly reasonable."<br/>"Anything else I'd ask you wouldn’t keep your promise," he replies.<br/>"Also, true," chuckles Wei Wuxian. "Ah, you surely are a bright boy."<br/>"Very well," says Hanguang Jun.<br/>Xue Yang takes a talisman lining the coffin, one with strange markings and passes it to Xiao Xingchen. "Burn it. I don’t have the spiritual power to do it."<br/>Xiao Xingchen lights it on fire and the barrier releases. He sits up and climbs out falling into Song Lan's arms immediately. He begins to sob and Song Lan holds him despite his discomfort of physical contact. Song Lan pulls him closer into him and his lifeless body shudders with relief to have him near.<br/>Jing pulls at Xiao Xingchen’s robe. He turns around and puts his hand out to which Jing leans her face into it.<br/>"Jing!" He exclaims. "Jing can you not speak?"<br/>"Jing can neither speak nor see," says Lan Wangji simply.<br/>"Xue Yang!" Xiao Xingchen turns around towards the coffin, his face red with anger. His previous fear of the delinquent fading rapidly in his rage.<br/>Xue Yang had forced himself up and had rolled out of the coffin landing on the ground with a hard thud.<br/>Xiao Xingchen takes his sword from Song Lan and approaches the Xue Yang who looks up at him from his position on his stomach.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen," he says his voice trembling, either from his wounds or from the fear of seeing an angry Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"If you think you will gain sympathy from me you couldn't be more wrong," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"I wouldn’t dream of it," he says trying to roll over to lean against the table under the coffin. "But see, I'm a dying man."<br/>"Any last words from this dying man?" says Xiao Xingchen bringing the sword up ready to skewer the wounded Xue Yang. He grins.<br/>"If I'm dead I can’t fix Jing's eyes."<br/>Xiao Xingchen exhales and turns around trying to release his uncharacteristic rage.<br/>"They're fixable?" exclaims Wei Wuxian. He goes over to examine Jing. "Oh, I see, it's a blindness curse and curses can be revoked by the caster."<br/>"You're the one who blinded her, you had better return her sight," says Xiao Xingchen his back still turned to keep from strangling Xue Yang.<br/>"Or what? You'll kill me? Oh no, what you were going to do anyways," he replies sarcastically. "I am in a precarious situation. I feel the life and spiritual power leaving my body by the moment and you're standing above me with a sword. I am truly pitiful."<br/>"What do you want, Xue Yang?" says Xiao Xingchen grinding his teeth in an uncommon display of anger.<br/>"Only for you to help me regain my strength enough to revoke the curse. See, hardly even a demand at all."<br/>Wei Wuxian crosses his arms. "I find it hard to believe you aren’t trying to bargain for your life."<br/>"And live in a prison in Gusu for the rest of it. I'd rather die," he replies.<br/>Wei Wuxian can understand that. Simply being in Cloud Recesses makes him feel like he is in a jail, he can only imagine what an actual GusuLan prison would be like. In his state there’s no way he would be able to escape successfully either. Lan Wangji would simply hunt him down and bring him back. Xue Yang is a clever man. But why he wants Xiao Xingchen to help him recover is entirely beyond his comprehension.<br/>Xiao Xingchen's face twists up into an indiscernible expression and he sighs deeply. "Very well, I will oblige your demand. If you attempt to escape or break your word I will show no mercy."<br/>"I wouldn’t even consider it," he replies smiling albeit weakly. "I am completely at your mercy."<br/>Xiao Xingchen frowns but goes to pick the wounded man up. "Jing, find some water. Song Zichen get a blanket or two. We will get this over with."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. "I'm Sorry"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In a sudden flash the ghost faced man comes and takes the stygian tiger seal from the coffin and leaves with the transportation talisman. Lan Wangji throws Bichen at him but he transports out too quickly.<br/>"Come for my tools and toys but leave the dying man," sneers Xue Yang. Although by the look on his face he doesn’t seem too unhappy as Xiao Xingchen lifts him up onto his back and carries him away from the coffin.<br/>Xue Yang is laid down on a blanket in an abandoned house. His smug look is permanently settled on his face. Wei Wuxian wants to slap him. But he suddenly remembers the juniors and goes to find them in another abandoned house. Xiao Xingchen orders Jing and Song Lan around until Xue Yang is comfortably settled and resting.<br/>He sends Song Lan to gather an herb for quick healing and Jing to the back kitchen to boil water.<br/>"Alright, Xue Yang," says Xiao Xingchen grinding his teeth. "What is it you want to say to me?"<br/>"You know me so well," says Xue Yang.<br/>Xiao Xingchen takes out his sword and cuts Xue Yang's clothes to expose a bleeding stomach and a few other minor wounds. Xue Yang grins and stares at the roof while Xiao Xingchen feels his body for injuries.<br/>"Your hands are warm for someone who was dead for ten years," he says. "Ah, I've missed this. Why didn’t I get wounded more often when we were living together before, I could have experienced this without feeling the hatred in your fingertips. Although, I'm not sure if I like it better this way. Oh, it's so hard to be sure."<br/>"You are beyond shameless, Xue Yang. Stop wasting time and cut to the chase," replies Xiao Xingchen washing the blood from his stomach wound distastefully.<br/>"This is the chase, Xiao Xingchen. This is precisely what I want. Well, I suppose my execution wouldn’t be set if I were to entirely plan this but being in a house, with you doting on me, is precisely what I want."<br/>Xiao Xingchen throws the towel at his face. "You are truly disgusting!"<br/>"You hurt me," he whines. "Such harsh words."<br/>"You think you can play around and tease, say such disgraceful things to me, after everything you did? You think I will bear with you?" Xiao Xingchen snaps. His face is red with rage and his heart pounding. Xue Yang shakes a bit in fear.<br/>"I'm sorry, Xiao Xingchen," he says, softly, barely audible.<br/>"What?"<br/>"I'm sorry! There, I said it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"<br/>Xiao Xingchen pauses a frown deepening on his smooth face. "Sorry for what?" He says, his voice abnormally low and intimidating.<br/>Xue Yang trembles. "For what I did to you. For what I drove you to do. I...I'm sorry."<br/>Xiao Xingchen moves away from his place on the ground beside Xue Yang. "You can’t be serious. You must be playing some kind of trick." His heart starts pounding and his breath becomes short.<br/>Xue Yang finds tears unexpectedly dripping down his cheek, creating a clear path through the bloodstained face. "I didn’t mean for it all to happen! I just wanted you to stay with me. If Song Lan hadn't come and messed it all up, we would have been fine. We could have lived like that forever! If that damn Jing hadn't ratted me out to you, we would have still been here, happily!"<br/>"You blame Song Lan for tricking me into stabbing him? You blame Jing for telling me of your deeds! What about deceiving me by poisoning living people with corpse poisoning? You have no shame, truly."<br/>"I do have shame, Xiao Xingchen!" He snaps back, sobs starting to wrack his body. "Do you know how many times I've relived that moment in my head? That moment you took your blade and sliced your own throat? Everything I could have done differently I thought about from the moment I first met you. Everything! But what good does it do now? It's done. I killed you. Then I spent ten years trying to revive you. What is so wrong with enjoying these last few hours of peace with you before you strike me down for good?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen's blindfold starts to stain red again. He tries to regain his composure. He binds up Xue Yang's stomach wound quickly before he loses anymore blood. Xue Yang reaches up his hand towards Xiao Xingchen's blindfold, a deep ache inside him he can almost taste it burns to feel. He drops his hand back down. His trembling breaths hurt in his chest. "I hate this feeling so much," he says.<br/>"Please, stop talking," implores Xiao Xingchen.<br/>It strikes in Xue Yang the remembrance of how Xiao Xingchen begged him to let him go. The ache inside him intensifies. He covers his ears and his eyes as his body instinctively goes into fetal position. He can’t bear it. Why did he want to bring back Xiao Xingchen? Why did he want to feel this? That voice. That horrible, beautiful, addicting voice. Tears squeeze out of his eyes as his weak body is unable to sustain the intensity of his emotions. He spits out blood from his mouth and feels some trickle out of his nose. 'Oh great, I'm going to die now' he thinks to himself. 'Isn’t this pathetic?'<br/>Blood trickles down Xiao Xingchen's nose and he wipes his mouth, also tasting blood. He feels weakened. Releasing another breath, he regains composure and allows some of his spiritual energy to flow out of him into Xue Yang.<br/>Xue Yang feels the warm, gentle flow of the Taoist’s energy move into his body. He relaxes and let's it happen. He rolls back over to look at Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Why is your nose bleeding?" He asks. "Your eyes are bleeding too. Ugh, I hate that. If you die before me, I'm going to bring you back again and kill you."<br/>Xiao Xingchen bites his lip to hide his slight amusement<br/>"You must sleep, if you continue to distress yourself you will bleed out all 7 of your orifices and die."<br/>"I'm going to die anyways, I might as well die in an interesting manner," replies Xue Yang.<br/>Xiao Xingchen stops the flow of spiritual energy into Xue Yang and lays a blanket on top of him.<br/>"You're really going to leave me, Xiao Xingchen," he whines.<br/>"You have released your regrets to me. You will be able to die peacefully. Which is more than many of your victims would wish for you. I must prepare a brew to help you regain your strength. The water should be boiled now."<br/>Xue Yang sighs loudly. "You are cruel, Xiao Xingchen. I can’t die in peace unless you accept my apology."<br/>Xiao Xingchen stands to his feet and brushes his blood spattered, once white clothes off. "If I wasn’t going to execute you soon I wouldn’t even consider it. I will tell you the moment before my sword swings."<br/>He says just as he turns to walk away, leaving Xue Yang feeling small and helpless.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Xue Yang's Execution</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night was spent in Yi city. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji stayed with the juniors, Xiao Xingchen and his party for the night deciding to leave after Xue Yang was executed. The juniors, who had been told the story of Xue Yang's crimes, were anxious to witness the demise of the twisted man.<br/>Xue Yang fulfils his promise and releases Jing from the blindness curse. His usual energy is lost and every movement he makes is made slowly. He keeps his head down and doesn't protest as Song Lan brings him, his hands bound in front of him, to the center of the street. Xiao Xingchen stands there with his sword in his hand waiting to hear Xue Yang pushed down to his knees at his feet.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen," says Xue Yang quietly. "Remember your promise."<br/>Xiao Xingchen nods, sighing deeply in his soul. Why did he have to be the one to do this? Did Xue Yang know he didn’t want to kill him, is that why he chose him? He bites his lip.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen," says Xue Yang kneeling at his feet. "I'm sorry," he says in a fragile, broken voice.<br/>Song Lan frowns.<br/>"Please, good masters, excuse me for a moment," says Xiao Xingchen stepping away from Xue Yang who looks up, surprised. "I need a moment to get my thoughts straight."<br/>Hanguang Jun nods. "Mn."<br/>Xiao Xingchen walks away softly. Even as a blind man his movement are swift and silent. Wei Wuxian sighs as he drifts from view.<br/>"I don’t understand, why doesn’t he just kill him?" Says Jin Ling<br/>"Yes, Xue Yang utterly destroyed him and his friends, wouldn’t he be excited to exact revenge on him, at last? Why does he act so conflicted and walk away?" says JingYi.<br/>"Shh, Xiao Xingchen lived with a version of Xue Yang for years. Even if your friend of three years betrayed you, it would still be difficult to end him just like that," says Lan Sizhui. "Besides, it makes it worse because he apologized to him. It must hurt Xiao Xingchen very much."<br/>The juniors sigh melancholy. Wei Wuxian smiles at them. He glances over at Xue Yang. Kneeling in his place in the center of the street. His head is down and his hands are tied so tightly they rub raw. He coughs up blood and falls onto his stomach on the ground coughing weakly.<br/>"Xue Yang?" Wei Wuxian steps towards him, cautiously unsure if this is some sort of trick. Xue Yang looks up at him about to say something but coughs up more blood.<br/>"Song Lan, go get Xiao Xingchen..." says Wei Wuxian, suddenly feeling as if something isn't right.<br/>Song Lan leaves swiftly. He returns in a minute carrying Xiao Xingchen over his shoulder.<br/>"I'm fine, now, thank you," says Xiao Xingchen gently, blood trickling down his chin. Xue Yang groans but remains too weak, or unwilling to get back up onto his knees.<br/>Xiao Xingchen gets off of Song Lan and approaches Xue Yang. He kneels down to him and lifts up his head. Xue Yang let's him bring him back to his knees and stares at his face with wide eager eyes.<br/>"Xue Yang. Thank you for bringing me back and for apologizing to me," he says, gently. Xue Yang's heart pounds, fixated on Xiao Xingchen's lips as they move to form whatever words he is about to say. "I am not capable to forgive you for what you have done on this day," he says. "But that day will come. So you can die in peace and I will see to it that you are given a burial."<br/>Xue Yang begins to weep uncontrollably. He falls on his face and cries into the dirt. Xiao Xingchen stands to his feet and brandishes his sword.<br/>"No, no, no, no. I don’t want to die yet. I don’t want to die," he moans.<br/>"Serves you right, you dog!" exclaims JingYi.<br/>"JingYi, this is between them," says Hanguang Jun, shutting up anyone else who might have had something to say.<br/>Xiao Xingchen clutches his heart and his blindfold becomes stained with blood. He takes a deep breath and brings his sword up, above Xue Yang's neck. Xue Yang's pleading just became a loud cry of agony. Xiao Xingchen trembles where he’s standing.<br/>"What's wrong with him? He can’t be as weak as all this," whispers Jin Ling harshly to JingYi.<br/>Wei Wuxians eyes widen. "Xiao Xingchen, stop!"<br/>Xiao Xingchen drops his blade the moment he hears him. He falls back and Song Lan catches him.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, are you incapable of killing him?" asks Wei Wuxian.<br/>Xiao Xingchen regains himself and stands by himself. "Good master, I... I don’t know. I left to clear my head then I felt suddenly weakened. Even after we returned, I felt as if something had pierced me. I have every intention of carrying this through."<br/>"Hanguang Jun," says Wei Wuxian. "Does Xue Yang's sword glare or allow you to wield it with any power when you hold it?"<br/>"No, this sword is the chaos bringer, only someone like Xue Yang can properly wield this sword," replies Lan Wangji.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, please bear with me for a moment. Could you take hold his sword for a moment."<br/>Lan Wangji produces the sword and offers it to Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang stares at them confused but curious. The juniors watch, aghast, wondering what new thing they will learn. Everyone gasps.<br/>"What is it?" Asks Xiao Xingchen holding the sword in his right hand as it sent its glare over Xue Yang's face his eyes widen and his jaw drops.<br/>Wei Wuxian sighs. "This is unfortunate," he says. "I think you and Xue Yang's souls, bodies and spiritual energy is tied to one another."<br/>"What?" says Xiao Xingchen, his voice suddenly shaky.<br/>"To put it bluntly, if he dies you die."<br/>Xiao Xingchen drops the sword to the ground. Xue Yang erupts in elated laughter. The juniors stare in horror at what has just transpired and Lan Wangji frowns as expressively as he ever would.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Xiao Xingchen's Second Tragedy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Good...good master. Please...explain," says Xiao Xingchen trembling trying to stay on his feet. Song Lan comes quickly to his friend’s aid and holds him up at the waist. Hanguang Jun puts Xue Yang under the silence spell to make him stop his incessant laughter.<br/>"Xue Yang's sword glared when it was in your hand. I did think it unbelievable that you both came out alive in that coffin but now it makes sense," says Wei Wuxian.<br/>The juniors stare, their mouths agape wondering what insane situation they are witnessing. Xue Yang makes sounds with his mouth trying to speak and looking between Wei Wuxian and Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"If Xue Yang had the seal before you had picked him up he wouldn’t have been defeated and cast out to die. Therefore, he made it after your death, likely with one main intention, to bring you back."<br/>"But why would he go to such trouble? I am one in hundreds of his victims."<br/>Xue Yang makes loud noises in his throat but Wei Wuxian ignores him.<br/>"We can question his motives later. In any case he has an obsession with you and by creating the seal he hoped to bring you back. The seal knew this. Demonic cultivation is a dangerous path if you lose control you will be controlled by it if you aren’t careful and that seemed to have happened in your coffin. Xue Yang lost control of his mind and his seal started to suck out his life and spiritual energy putting it into you because that's what it was created for, to bring you back. Obviously, if your cognition hadn't returned you would just be something like a living corpse with Xue Yang's breath and power in your body but thankfully your cognition returned before that happened. Since only part of your shattered soul returned you are reliant on Xue Yang's breath and power to live, but, now Xue Yang is weakened from having the life sucked out of his body and put into yours. You two can’t be too far from each other and if one of you dies you both die. You're two men sharing one life. When Xue Yang is deeply disturbed that his soul becomes shaken you will feel it in yours and vice versa. When one bleeds out of an orifice the other will too. It's as if you share the same body." Wei Wuxian explains it, almost excitedly. He had never seen such a case. Demonic cultivation is certainly a dangerous game but with limitless possibilities. He feels Lan Wangji's solemn eyes on him and he glances back over to Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Sharing one life with Xue Yang..." he says slowly trying to take it in. Xue Yang nods excitedly but his mouth is closed tight so he can only hum and grunt to express himself. His is trying to stand to his feet but his feet were tied and his hands are tied in front of him so he keeps falling over.<br/>"Xue Yang must pay for his crimes," says Xiao Xingchen. "That is what justice requires. I was dead already so I have no qualms in being a casualty." He picks up the Chaos Bringer and walks back to the bound and struggling man. His eyes widen in surprise and fear. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t hesitate as he raises the sword above the trembling man's head. But he is knocked over by Song Lan and Jing who run at him the moment they realize what he is doing. Wei Wuxian smiles.<br/>"I don’t think your friends will allow you to treat your life as lightly as that. Besides, I never said your condition makes it impossible for Xue Yang to face justice."<br/>Xiao Xingchen tries to sit up. Jing is fully sprawled on top of him holding onto his waist and Song Lan is holding him down by his shoulder shaking his arm till he drops the sword. Xiao Xingchen, perplexed and in shock still can’t withhold a smile from his face at his friends' dramatic show of affection.<br/>"Xue Yang can easily be locked away and tortured for the rest of his life. His spiritual power is lower than it once was now the seal gave so much to you so Song Lan won’t have any problem restraining him," says Wei Wuxian.<br/>"And I will be locked away with him," replies Xiao Xingchen. "I've thought it all through, good master," his gentle voice holds a deep tremor within it. He slowly gets up and dusts himself off. "Our lives are intertwined. I can’t even be distant from him without losing my strength. If he is punished, I will hear every scream he utters and feel it every time his soul is in deep anguish. I won’t be able to night hunt or help or protect anyone. My entire existence will be simply to punish Xue Yang. Do you not realize how cruel that is for both of us? Song Zichen can’t you understand that it is more compassionate for me to die and him to die along with me than to drag out a miserable and incompatible existence with a Taoist and a delinquent? I can punish him now and end both our suffering with one another."<br/>Wei Wuxian glances at Lan Wangji for help. Song Lan looks over at Wei Wuxian for guidance.<br/>"We will go inside and discuss this. Some of the young men need to eat and it is best for us to discuss this off of the street," says Hanguang Jun. "Song Lan, take away any of Xiao Xingchen's weapons. He has just experienced a heavy shock and will need your support."<br/>Song Lan nods and gathers up Xiao Xingchen's horsetail whip, sword and Xue Yang's blade as well. Jing finds a large house and leads everyone into it. She takes some of the juniors to the kitchen and the others she brings to a large, barren, lightly furnished dusty room. The juniors follow her everywhere, intrigued by a young woman, a poor mediocre person with no spiritual power who seems so unattainably strong in her actions. She treats them with happy amusement. Although she is now older than they her life stopped after the death of Xiao Xingchen so she sees them as her peers, many good looking and admiring peers at that.<br/>Hanguang Jun leads Wei Wuxian, Song Lan, and Xiao Xingchen into another room. They drag Xue Yang with them just to make sure he doesn’t try to hurt any of the juniors. He cocks his head up to look at Wei Wuxian, the silence spell still on him and grins. Wei Wuxian wants to smack him again. This man is so grating. He drops him by the door and let's him lean against the wall. His eyes go immediately to Xiao Xingchen who has sat down on the ground, leaning against a wall and is attempting to calm himself. Song Lan watches him carefully but keeps his distance in case Xiao Xingchen tries to take one of his blades and kill either Xue Yang or himself. A suicidal Xiao Xingchen was not something he ever thought he would see or want to see. He would cry if his corpse like face would allow it. Xiao Xingchen looks pathetic, his face down and his breath heaving. He's basically been told he is trapped for the rest of his life with a homicidal villain who destroyed him. Xue Yang stares at him with an indiscernible expression on his face. Song Lan wishes he could stand in between them. Wei Wuxian sits beside Hanguang Jun across the small room from Xiao Xingchen. They sit in silence for a few minutes and Jing brings them tea with the help of JingYi who has not stopped staring at her since she got her sight back.<br/>Surprisingly its Xue Yang who speaks first, the moment he realizes the silence spell has worn off.<br/>"I don’t want to hurt you, Xiao Xingchen," he says quickly, knowing Hanguang Jun could silence him again any moment. "I won’t. what I did was a mistake. Please don’t end this."<br/>Wei Wuxian is surprised by Xue Yang's honesty but glances over at his face to see he’s scared. His eyes are fixated on Xiao Xingchen, he periodically bites his lip and his fingers nervously twitch in their bonds.<br/>Xiao Xingchen does not respond.<br/>"I can’t hurt anyone anyways, just bring me wherever you go. I won't cause trouble."<br/>Wei Wuxian gaffaws. Xiao Xingchen frowns.<br/>"This is why I killed myself the first time!" Cries Xiao Xingchen. "I just wanted to get away from him and now I can’t even do that." He hugs his knees trembling.<br/>Xue Yang lowers his head and trembles almost undiscernibly as well. Wei Wuxian sighs. He looks at Lan Wangji. He wishes he would talk more to solve this.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, I will teach you some methods to seal Xue Yang's powers temporarily if he becomes difficult to manage and to collapse him if he becomes violent," says Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian lowers his head when he remembers Lan Wangji using his overpowering skills on him when he teased him too much. He doesn’t know why he is blushing and he bites his lip.<br/>Xiao Xingchen nods sighing deeply.<br/>An idea occurs to Wei Wuxian he puts his head up as fast as it went down.<br/>"There might be a tool I left in the burial mounds we could use to sustain you so you wont need Xue Yang."<br/>Xue Yang puts his head up quickly but suddenly realizes he can’t talk once again. He makes a loud growling sound in his throat and struggles in his ropes.<br/>Song Lan's eyes light up and Xiao Xingchen lifts his head, hopeful. Xue Yang growls again and his lips pull downward into a deep pout.<br/>"I can’t promise anything but if I cant there might be some other masters who can," says Wei Wuxian evasively. "The place was purged but I did bury it pretty deeply in the demon slaying cave."<br/>Song Lan stands up eagerly.<br/>"Don’t rush, Xiao Xingchen is still in shock and neither of them are in a state to travel," says Wei Wuxian. "I will describe it to you two later when it's just us and when you find it bring it to Gusu and I will see what I can do."<br/>Xue Yang stares angrily at his hands fiddling around with his impossibly tight bonds. His lips are pursed and his movements are quick causing his wrists to bleed.<br/>"There’s nothing you can do to get out of that, Xue Yang," says Wei Wuxian standing up to leave and check on the juniors who had started playing toss in the other room with a nut they found on the ground trying to impress the wide eyed and smiling Jing. Xue Yang twitches in his ropes and falls down in front of the door his wrists bleeding all over the ground just as Wei Wuxian walks by. Wei Wuxian pauses and looks down at the sprawled bleeding silent Xue Yang. He sighs and moves on, not even sure how to taunt the man. Lan Wangji follows him. Stopping for a moment before he leaves the room.<br/>"Allow Xiao Xingchen some time to rest before you set out. Xue Yang must also be fit to travel. Both of them must be alive for the journey," he says.<br/>Song Lan nods hurriedly and rummages around the room for a sleeping mat for his beloved friend. Xiao Xingchen allows him to dote over him with a slight smile on his face. Song Lan decides that smile is like seeing the sun coming out from the clouds after a horrible storm.<br/>Lan Wangji takes Wei Wuxian's arm and pulls him outside.<br/>"Why did you lie to them?" He says in a low voice.<br/>Wei Wuxian blushes. "Lan Zhan, nothing gets past you does it?"<br/>Lan Wangji doesnt reply just stares at him, his fingers tapping on Bichen's hilt.<br/>Wei Wuxian sighs. "Its not completely useless. It's a tool I used to calm myself if I thought I might lose control. It can settle your mind quickly and help disperse thoughts of death and dying."<br/>Lan Wangji frowns. "Why did you need such a tool?"<br/>Wei Wuxian grins his typical 'I'm in pain but pretending like I'm happy' grin. And Lan Wangji frowns even deeper.<br/>"Oh, don’t be such a fuddy duddy. Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t go all the way to the burial mounds for a meditation tool. But if they go, journey for awhile, figure out how to best subdue Xue Yang consistently, probably disperse a few evil things on their way Xiao Xingchen's desire to die will lessen, even without the tool."<br/>"And what when Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen realize that you deceived them? And what will happen to Xue Yang who will never face justice?" says Lan Wangji unimpressed with Wei Wuxian's solution.<br/>"Everyone hails me as some demonic cultivation genius with tricks unknown to any other cultivator. If I pretend to make an attempt and fail as I obviously will I will simply tell them they can make another use for it. As for Xue Yang's punishment, let him be whipped with the discipline whip when they arrive in Gusu. He deserves death but being trapped with Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen for the rest of his life is the best we can do."<br/>Lan Wangji sighs. "Mn."<br/>Wei Wuxian smiles. "I'm not the genius I'm hailed to be, sadly. Just good at deceiving people. Except for you of course," he reaches out to pat Lan Wangji on the back but his hand is caught midway.<br/>Lan Wangji stares at him until he averts his eyes. "Why did you need a tool to disperse thoughts of death?" He says.<br/>Wei Wuxian laughs weakly. "No, see it was good for calming the mind, the death part I think will be useful for Xiao Xingchen, not for me."<br/>Lan Wangji doesn’t release it. Wei Wuxian lowers his head shamefully. "If I tell you, one day, about the burial mounds and the first time I was there, will you promise not to see me any different?" He laughs again fakely but stops unable to continue. "One night when you want to hear a horror story."<br/>Lan Wangji blinks trying to cover the visible pain in his eyes. "Whatever happened to you there..." he trails off and instead pulls Wei Wuxian by his hand he had caught him with and embraces him. Wei Wuxian finds himself warmly enveloped in Lan Wangji's uncomfortably strong arms. A big tear rolls down his face and drips onto Lan Wangji's clean white shoulder. Wei Wuxian tries to pull away, embarrassed but Lan Wangji does not release him.<br/>"Lan Zhan, you are too strong," he says his voice trembling more than he wants it to. Lan Wangji breathes out a long breath and lets him go. Wei Wuxian stumbles back and recovers himself. He smiles and laughs nervously.<br/>"Of course, around you I don’t need such a tool," he says. "You make it impossible to think about anything except for you and your incredible arm strength." He moves his shoulder around his lips turned into a pout.<br/>"Good." He says and goes back into the house. Wei Wuxian pauses, looks around and then follows him. "Lan Zhan!" He calls after him.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Descending Into Insanity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were unaware that Xue Yang, when he was tied up and spasming, had made a paper doll with a talisman he had hidden and his blood. He transferred his consciousness into the doll and followed the two outside, sticking close to the house to avoid getting blown away. After discovering that the trip they were about to take was no threat to his life after all he returned to the room where he found his unconscious body being laid down on a bed roll by a visibly displeased Jing. She turns away briefly to find a pillow and he switches his consciousness back into himself before she turns back.<br/>He flicks his eyes open and smiles. "Jing, always stuck with the dirty work," he says.<br/>She sneers at him. She can’t talk but she can still express her feelings clearly to him.<br/>"So, you have to take care of me because without me, Xiao Xingchen can’t live, but you're stuck with it because Song Lan is taking care of Xiao Xingchen. Well, isn’t that unfortunate. Too bad you can’t keep playing with those pretty boys in the other room. Some of them are from wealthy sects, if you snatched one you could live a life of leisure. Oh, wait, except you can’t talk. That does make things more difficult..."<br/>She frowns and draws her hand back to slap him. His hands and feet are tied, there’s nothing he can do to protect himself. He brings his tied-up hands to his face to protect himself.<br/>"Listen, listen, listen, I'm not just trying to taunt you." He says hastily. "I might be able to help you speak again. If you be a good girl and listen to what I say."<br/>She humphs and gets up, ripping a piece of cloth off of her dress.<br/>"I won’t ask for anything unreasonable, I just cant have you getting in my way like you did that last time...." he continues on.<br/>Jing takes the dirty cloth and stuffs it in his mouth and then wraps some more around his mouth pulling it tightly around his head. He's stunned, stares at her in surprise but then laughs in his throat and a twinkle catches his eye. He nods to her, acknowledging that she’s bested him this round but will look forward to the next one but then chokes on the dirty cloth.<br/>Jin Ling was spying on them from the corner of the cloth partition and then went to tell Lan Sizhui and JingYi. They clapped and laughed for 'Lady Jing' who they had all decided was the princess of mediocre people. Xue Yang hears their laughter and huffs to himself. Jing leaves to join them. After laying him down on a bed she decides her duty to ensure his survival is finished. The door shuts and he is alone staring up at the roof with a muzzle in his mouth. Nobody is going to come and help him. He remembers his life back with the Jin clan. They were quick to use his skills when it suited them but even quicker to beat him nearly to death and abandon him. That was when Xiao Xingchen picked him up. He grinds his teeth. The only person to treat him with any dignity was Xiao Xingchen but now the man is petrified of him. There’s nothing he can do to convince him that he means no harm either. Xiao Xingchen is alive though. The most important thing in all the world has happened. But how can he get close to him again? How can he make things like they were before? Jing won’t cooperate and he cant simply dispose of her now or else Xiao Xingchen will certainly forfeit the rest of his life to torturing him or would kill him in the spot. Song Lan utterly despises him and will only tolerate his existence because it keeps Xiao Xingchen alive. Like it or not he has become a pawn again. A trick card used by 'nobler' people than him to get what they want. He is simply a body to be used and discarded. Maybe he should just die. But then Xiao Xingchen would die. He curls up into himself and tries to dispel the unbearable whirl of thoughts going around his head but he can’t. He feels his spiritual energy surge as his emotions lose control, the horrible downside of demonic cultivation. No, no, stop it! The cloth in his mouth gets soaked in blood and he starts to choke. The door opens widely letting the light in into the dark room, lit only by a window during twilight.<br/>Xiao Xingchen stumbles in. He cuts the muzzle and Xue Yang coughs freely. Song Lan stands behind him, imposing with his arms crossed. Xiao Xingchen coughs up blood as well. Xue Yang tries to swallow it down and regain control. He glances up at Xiao Xingchen who is frowning and wiping the blood from his mouth. He wants so badly to be near to him. To touch him but he's bound up. He sits up and pushes his head directly onto Xiao Xingchen's lap bleeding onto his white clothes.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen..." he says, his voice muffled. Song Lan comes and rips him off of him by his hair. He drops him down on the ground a few feet away from Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"You're left for an hour and you bleed from an orifice," says Xiao Xingchen. "Then you force your bound-up body onto me, truly, Xue Yang, what do you want from me?" His voice is cold which cuts Xue Yang deep into his soul. He coughs up again causing Xiao Xingchen to convulse as well. He covers his mouth gracefully Xue Yang looks away feeling utterly wretched.<br/>"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he whimpers. "I can’t control it."<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs, walks over to him and pinches his shoulder until he goes limp. Now in no control over his body or power he collapses face forward towards the ground being caught by Xiao Xingchen's hands before he hits his head. He looks up and smiles. Xiao Xingchen picks him up and lays him back down onto his bed. He feels instantly calm, even if he hadn't been sedated by Xiao Xingchen. Staring at him he is overcome by the sheer beauty of the gentle man's face. His lips are down turned but the expression of compassion he can’t even disguise. Xue Yang thinks about how he used to make him laugh and how badly he wishes he could do it again.<br/>"Please don’t want to die, Xiao Xingchen," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen chuckles. "Don’t worry, your precious life is safe for the time being."<br/>"I've always treated my life flippantly and now is no exception. You must believe me that I am serious in my apology since I am willing to subject myself to you and Song Lan. "<br/>"I believe you have other schemes, likely to hurt Song Lan and the others and if you have the power you will do them," replies Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"If I did such a thing you wouldn’t hesitate to kill us both," says Xue Yang. "I'm not utterly stupid."<br/>"Unless you had me overpowered, turned me into one of your living corpses and used me to kill whoever you wanted to," says Xiao Xingchen without changing his expression. He touches his forehead to discover he is chilled so he brings up the blanket over his body.<br/>Xue Yang's heart burns inside him. Xiao Xingchen knows him well, but doesn’t, but does. A big tear wells up and drips down his face over Xiao Xingchen's hand as he brought the blanket up to his shoulders. Xiao Xingchen pulls it back like he'd been stung. Xue Yang has no words to say to him, he can't describe or understand this terrible burning inside him. He just wants to stay with Xiao Xingchen a little longer. He wants him to stay with him, to take care of him, to give him candy. Xiao Xingchen moves to stand up and go.<br/>"Don’t go!" Says Xue Yang instinctively.<br/>Xiao Xingchen's normal frown deepens. If he had eyes they would be pained. He puts his hand onto his forehead and flicks it, knocking Xue Yang out in a second. Then, he leaves.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Xue Yang's Hair</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The fire has a spark</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and the juniors are finally gone, leaving Song Lan, Jing, Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang in coffin town. The juniors begged Jing to come with them but she refused, intent on staying with Xiao Xingchen. Half of the juniors were in love with her and a couple of them shed a tear to leave her, who they had all decided was the bravest and most heroic of women. Jing enjoyed the attention but felt a little bit relieved after they left as she shuts the door behind them. It's just Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan and her. Xue Yang is sleeping in the other room but nobody thinks of him if they can help it.<br/>When Xue Yang wakes up it is nearly noon. His body is drenched in the cold sweat he slept in all night. His wrists burn from the ropes. His clothes reek like blood. The reality of his situation has begun to set in. He may never be released to move freely. He may always be bound up, silenced and forced to come and go as Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan please. Xiao Xingchen was kind to him thinking he was a stranger but now he regards him with pure disgust and horror. He stares up at the rafters on the roof. In his room there is one small window, everything else is just empty space and his bed in the center of it. Its lifeless and cold. Even under his blanket he feels chilled. Jing enters with a bowl of soup.<br/>"I can’t eat with my hands bound like this," he says.<br/>She frowns, picks up the bowl and pushes it to his lips. He wants to refuse it but the severe expression on Jing's face makes him drink. It spills down his face onto his clothes. After the bowl is empty Jing stands up and leaves.<br/>"Could you bring Xiao Xingchen here?" He says uncharacteristically politely.<br/>She glowers at him and humphs out, closing the door behind him. Xue Yang is left alone again.<br/>When his wounds are healed, they will leave coffin town and go to find that useless tool Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan are being tricked about. He sees no reason to tell them. Once he recovers perhaps he can prove himself useful to Xiao Xingchen who may come to accept him, and then maybe he will decide Song Lan is kind of  drag and send him away and then Jing will go to the juniors who admire her so much, and then he and Xiao Xingchen will find a nice little house and night hunt the rest of their days until they both die at a ripe old age....he stops his ridiculous train of thought. Xiao Xingchen will never forgive him and Song Lan will never leave. He is just breath in Xiao Xingchen's lungs. That is all. He tries to see patterns in the wood on the roof. He tries to think of anything to distract him but he can’t. He slips into a feverish nightmare and spends the rest of the day in and out of nightmarish sleep.<br/>It's dark when he wakes up again, he feels his spiritual energy surging with nowhere to get out. An entire day of nightmares full of every victim he's ever had demanding justice and the whole while Xiao Xingchen standing above it all frowning. If his hands weren’t bound, he could reach out and touch the cloud of dark energy circling around his body. He stinks. His whole-body reeks of blood, sweat, and dark energy. If only he could just succumb to it and die like clan leader Nie did. His hands twitch around in their ropes and bleed even more but there’s no helping it. Panic overtakes him and he thrashes around violently causing his wrists and ankles to bleed profusely all over his clothes and bedroll. He rolls over onto the dirt floor on his stomach, putting his weight on his elbows and knees and screams into the dirt, spitting blood out onto the ground. A sharp pang in his stomach causes him to cry out and fall to his side.<br/>Xiao Xingchen is sleeping in the room beside him. Song Lan had bolted the front door to protect against anything evil that might try to enter and hurt Xiao Xingchen and leant against the door while the others are sleeping. As a corpse he didn’t need to sleep. But Xue Yang's racket is starting bother even him. Jing sleeps near the front door by Song Lan. As far away from Xue Yang as possible. She covers her ears from the horrible noise. Finally, Xiao Xingchen wakes up to the sound and staggers out of his room. Song Lan sees him and grunts.<br/>"How long has he been screaming and thrashing around?" He says.<br/>Song Lan puts up his fingers into Xiao Xingchen's hands. Two. Two hours.<br/>"Wake me up next time. I'm a sound sleeper and you two can’t knock him out," he says.<br/>Song Lan and Jing look at each other. Neither of them like it when Xiao Xingchen interacts with Xue Yang. He always appears horribly troubled afterwards and his face is flushed in anger. They nod sigh unsure what to say. Xiao Xingchen exhales.<br/>"You two worry too much. He can’t hurt any of us now least of all me."<br/>Song Lan and Jing look at each other nervously as Xiao Xingchen turns away to open Xue Yang's room/prison.<br/>He opens the door to a bleeding and convulsing Xue Yang on the floor. Immediately he pinches his shoulder making him go limp but this time it didn’t calm him down. Xue Yang breathes uncontrollably and his eyes are wild and crazed. Xiao Xingchen senses the resentful energy around him and dispels it with his horsetail whip. Xue Yang slowly starts to breathe evenly again.<br/>"I was sleeping, I didn’t realize how much resentful energy had surrounded you," he says softly. It sounded like an apology for not coming sooner but Xue Yang only feels miserable. Xiao Xingchen pauses beside the curled-up man who has pushed himself off his bed. He can’t see him but he can sense his emotions. Xue Yang's tears fall onto the bloodstained dirt. He has nothing to say to him. His voice is hoarse from screaming and he has no strength to do anything. Xiao Xingchen touches his forehead to see if he has any fever. Then he picks him up and puts him back on his bed. Xue Yang doesn't say anything. His resentment for Xiao Xingchen had slowly been growing all day but the moment he feels his hands touch his forehead it becomes wisps of smoke he can't hold onto if he wants to. He keeps his face down, this time trying not to look at Xiao Xingchen so he isn’t drawn in by his undeniable beauty.<br/>"You must protect your mind so you don’t succumb to these things. That's how the Yiling Patriarch died the first time," says Xiao Xingchen sternly.<br/>"What difference would it make?" replies Xue Yang. "Why don’t you just let me succumb and then turn me into a living corpse puppet. That would be more convenient, I'd be obedient and you wouldn’t fear me without these bonds."<br/>Xiao Xingchen purses his lips. "Don’t test me, Xue Yang. You got yourself into this."<br/>"How did I do that exactly?" He snaps back his voice cracking at the end of his sentence. "I wanted to die with you, in your coffin. My seal is to blame for all this."<br/>"You made that seal in the first place," replies Xiao Xingchen. "You knew demonic cultivation always had a price."<br/>"My life, I was willing to pay. Not my dignity, my freedom, my mind."<br/>"I suppose it finds whatever you hold dearest and shatters it. That's the price of such methods and now you are paying the price."<br/>Xue Yang stops. "Are you my father to scold me like this? Why should you care if I pay the price or not? If I become a zombie it's easier for you anyways. Zombies can be controlled."<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs impatiently starting to understand why Song Lan and Jing prefer him to avoid this room. "Please, try to be less difficult."<br/>Xue Yang pouts. "I'm sorry, I disgust you enough already, I shouldn’t put my misery on you. So, don’t put your scoldings on me as if you were my friend." He says resentfully.<br/>Xiao Xingchen purses his lips and flicks him on the forehead, knocking him out once again.<br/>Xiao Xingchen swallows down the lump in his throat and he heaves a deep breath. Regardless of how he feels about Xue Yang it is difficult for him to watch any living creature suffer and Xue Yang has a way of knowing where to hit him and exploit his emotions. He must be careful. In any case Xue Yang is running a terrible fever and his clothes are soaked in sweat and blood. He won’t survive like this. Carefully, like he is handling a fragile doll coming apart at the seams, he cuts the ropes and removes them from his wrists. He touches the bleeding, ripped apart skin covering Xue Yang's arms. His heart surges to his throat. There's a bucket of water in the corner with a cloth to bring down his fever but Xiao Xingchen takes it instead to wash off the blood on Xue Yang's arms. The stench coming from the man is horrible. No wonder Xue Yang wants to be a living corpse. He already smells like one. He gently removes his outerwear and underclothes leaving just his pants on him. Sighing frustratedly when he realizes in his frenzy Xue Yang had opened up his stomach wound again. He cleans it and washes his body applying ointment to his sliced-up arms, ankles and stomach wound. The pain must be maddening. He feels a hint of remorse for trusting Jing and Song Lan to take care of him. Of course, they don’t care if he is suffering and he can’t blame them one bit. But he wont recover if he is treated like a dying mad dog. His resolve to execute Xue Yang is still there but the man doesn’t need to gag in his own filth until then. That's what Xiao Xingchen tells himself as he finishes rubbing ointment on the wounded man's arms. The bedroll he is on is covered in blood he can smell it so he picks up Xue Yang in his slumber and rolls the bed over, lying him back down gently. His fingers get caught up in his hair and he realizes Xue Yang's hair must be a terrible tangled mess. Bringing him up to a sitting position with his knee holding him up he slowly combs out the knots and removes his hairpiece. The long, thick hair falls back over his knee and his bare back leans completely limp against him. He pulls the comb slowly and gently through Xue Yang's hair. Every brushed strand he pulls over his knee. His fingers expertly work through the long thick hair until all the knots are out and it feels soft and silky again. <br/>"This hair needs to be washed," he whispers to himself unsatisfied with his work, but he knows the disapproving grunts he would get from Song Lan and Jing if they knew he was fixing his enemy's hair. As long as Xue Yang is sleeping he can’t manipulate him or use his kindness against him. He tells himself as his fingers slowly work in a jasmine infused oil into his hair. Perhaps, if he doesn’t smell like a corpse he won’t want to be one. He thinks. Xue Yang breathes deeply, almost peacefully. Carefully he lays him down onto his pillows. He touches a few scars here and there across his back and over his shoulders as he does so. Heaving a sigh, he tries not to wonder about Xue Yang and what he is apart from a villain. His heart is pounding as he keeps listening for the door to open in case he gets caught. Exhaling he realizes he has to stop or else Song Lan or Jing are certain to give him their exasperated sighs or stares of disapproval that he can feel even with his blindness. He picks up Xue Yang's clothes. At least he can say that the clothes will cause Xue Yang to get sicker if they are not washed. The salve on his arms and the scent in his hair is inexcusable but if he is dressed before Jing comes by to bring him breakfast in the morning nobody will notice.<br/>"I get a second chance at life and now I'm sneaking around my friends to try to improve the state of my enemy. This is probably why I died in the first place," he says to himself almost amused. He smiles a little bit. Perhaps Xue Yang was right about how ridiculous righteous people like him are. He can’t even watch his enemy suffer.<br/>He leaves the room holding the stuff. Jing had fallen asleep and is now leaning on Song Lan's shoulder. Song Lan, being already extremely uncomfortable with physical contact is trying to carefully lay her down on the floor without waking her up. But as soon as he sees Xiao Xingchen walk out, he stands to his feet and Jing to falls on the ground and knocks herself awake.<br/>"I must wash these. They were covered in blood. He ripped up his arms in his bonds and bled all over his clothes. They will make him sicker if I don’t wash them," he says quickly explaining himself tripping over his words. Jing gets up and takes the clothes.<br/>"Jing, you don’t have to do that. I am capable of washing them."<br/>She shakes her head and takes them from his hands. He smiles his warm smile at her. She blushes. Song Lan watches the interaction with an indistinguishable expression.<br/>"He was surrounded by resentful energy he wasn’t just trying to make us angry," he says. "And he was soaked in sweat and blood. We have to be careful since he isn’t out of danger yet with that stomach wound he has."<br/>Song Lan sighs loudly. Xiao Xingchen puts his hands into Song Lan's. "I know he is no friend of ours but you have both insisted he remain alive for my sake. No one got better by being treated like a caged animal so please be a bit more careful."<br/>Jing hangs her head and Song Lan grinds his teeth. Xiao Xingchen smiles and leans up against the door where Song Lan usually sits. Jing sits beside him smiling happily. Song Lan sits down on Xiao Xingchen's other side, an inch away from him.<br/>"We should spar tomorrow, Song Lan. I miss doing that with you," he says.<br/>Song Lan and Jing look at each other a little bit perplexed. Usually Xiao Xingchen is troubled after seeing Xue Yang, this time he seems happy and oddly social. It's nice though, to see their beloved Taoist showing signs that he might have the ability to be happy again.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Caught</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xue Yang wakes up with a start. He mentally prepares himself to be as miserable as he knows how to be. His breath catches when he realizes he can move his arms. Where are his clothes? What is that scent? It takes him a moment to realize that he is clean and hardly in pain at all. He sits up and inspects his body. Every cut and wound have been cleaned, anything large has been bandaged up and soothing salve has been put on them. His ankles had been untied as well and all his cuts treated. Did Xiao Xingchen knock him out and then strip him, clean him and soothe his wounds all while he slept. The hairs stand up at the back of his neck, too bad he was sleeping for that. He thinks to himself. Maybe next time if he doesn’t say anything to infuriate him, he might let him be awake next time he treats his wounds. He can’t figure out where the faint scent of jasmine is coming from. There's no way Jing or Song Lan would treat him with this level of care. He knows Xiao Xingchen's work. He's seen it before. Hugging his knees, he can’t conceal his smile. Xiao Xingchen even took care if the rope burns and bleeding on his ankles. "So, you can’t handle the sound of my voice but you also cant handle the sound of my pain. Xiao Xingchen, I might get you yet," he says to himself in a husky voice.<br/>Jing opens the door and sees an undressed Xue Yang without any restraints on him opens her mouth wide and closes the door quickly. Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan enter right after that with Jing hunched behind them.<br/>"I won’t hurt you, little Jing," says Xue Yang chuckling showing his teeth in a cheeky smile.<br/>Xiao Xingchen puts his clothes down at his feet, clean and dried by the fire last night.<br/>"I think I'm too weak to put my clothes on, Xiao Xingchen, wont you help me?" He whines still grinning. He ducks his head towards Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Song Lan frowns deeply, draws his sword and points it at him.<br/>"Fine, fine, fine, you could ask me nicely, you know." He says picking up his clothes and putting them on, struggling with the ties and belts. Xiao Xingchen taps his hands on his sword hilt impatiently, listening to the painfully slow sounds of a wounded man attempting to dress himself.<br/>"Put your hands out," says Xiao Xingchen quietly. Song Lan puts his sword to his throat. Xue Yang cocks his head and puts his hands out obediently.<br/>"I brought a leather rope, it's better than the twine we were using, its stronger and..." he pauses. Xue Yang stares at him unflinchingly with a growing smile on his face. Soft leather is less likely to irritate his wrists and make them bleed if he struggles. He offers his hands willingly as Xiao Xingchen kneels down to bind them. Song Lan kneels down as well pressing the sword to his throat and gripping the back of his head with his hand to keep him in place. Xue Yang rolls his eyes.<br/>"Its not like I can go anywhere or do anything as a wounded man with two swordsmen in the house."<br/>Xiao Xingchen finishes silently. Xue Yang stares at him curiously, wondering what could possibly be going on in his head that he would be both so unwaveringly severe and yet kind to him when no one, not even him are watching.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, your blindfold is getting a bit dirty," he says. "You should have washed it when you washed my clothes. You look best when your blindfold is white and clean. It suits you better," he says. "Its impossible for you to see the dirt though.... Jing, when you wash his blindfold make sure it's white like it used to be so he won’t be ashamed next time he goes to a town when we set off again," he goes on. "Your hem is also getting a bit frayed. You should probably buy new outer clothes next time we go out."<br/>Xiao Xingchen's fingers tremble as he finishes the last knot. Song Lan presses the sword tighter to his throat. He glances over to see his hairpiece sitting neatly beside his pillow. Xiao Xingchen backs away just as Song Lan pushes Xue Yang, hard, down onto his bed.<br/>"Ow!" He says. "What was that for? I did everything you told me to!"<br/>Song Lan picks up the hairpiece and puts it into Xiao Xingchen's hands. Xiao Xingchen grips it tightly realizing what it is.<br/>"Wait, how do you have my hairpiece..." he stops realizing where the smell of jasmine was coming from. "Xiao Xingchen. You..." he stops.<br/>Xiao Xingchen hangs his head facing Song Lan whose face would be red if he wasn’t a corpse.<br/>"This is why it would have been best if we had both died that day," he says his face down. "I found a man lying alone, wounded and wasting in his own stink. I know he's my enemy but I can’t change what I am. I can’t watch a human being suffer!" He says his voice rising helplessly. "You have to understand Zichen. I said in the beginning hearing his tortured screams would be misery for me. Executing a man and bringing him to justice is different than hearing him waste away in his own filth. I couldn't just let a living being suffer like that."<br/>"You...you combed my hair," says Xue Yang still in shock. The clean clothes, the bandages, washing, salve and leather ropes could all be explained away as an attempt to help him recover sooner. But combing his hair could only be explained as an act of pure kindness.<br/>"He kept talking about how he should just be a living corpse. He smelt like one, I couldn't see him but I'm sure he looked like one too." Xiao Xingchen sighs. "I'm sorry, Zichen, I'm sorry, Jing. I'm sorry."<br/>Jing moves away from her spot by the door and takes Xiao Xingchen's hand. She puts her head on his shoulder and pats his arm. Xiao Xingchen heaves a deep shuddered breath.<br/>"You're a good girl, Jing. I'm sorry I'm so weak."<br/>She takes his hand and puts it on her head and shakes it furiously no. No, she doesn’t think he's weak at all. He is exactly what he's always been. He is incurably kind to even the cruelest of creatures and there’s nothing in the world that can taint him. But she can’t say that she can only shake her head furiously. She kneels down before him and takes his hands she puts them on her head and bows a few times as one would when they are apologizing. Xiao Xingchen kneels down to her.<br/>"Dearest child, you have nothing to apologize for."<br/>Yes, she does, if she had taken care of Xue Yang better then Xiao Xingchen would not have had to get involved. She just found Xue Yang so distasteful and scary she avoided him as much as possible. Ugh she wishes she could tell him all these things.<br/>Xiao Xingchen pulls out a candy from his sleeve and gives it to her. "Thank you," he says and brings her up to her feet. She happily takes it and walks away with a smirk at Xue Yang. Xiao Xingchen seemed to have forgotten she has no tongue but she has another use for this candy.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen can I have a candy too!?" Xue Yang exclaims.<br/>Song Lan draws his sword again at him, he shrinks back.<br/>"I just asked a question."<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs. "I will wash my blindfold and mend my clothes. Thank you for your advice."<br/>"You should just buy new ones. Besides you can’t even see to mend it so you should let me or Jing do it. You always do this, you have to stop acting like you aren’t blind when you are and let other people help you with the chores or else you'll get hurt or mess it up or get scammed by the merchants at the market," he grumbles long under his breath.<br/>"Don’t scold me like you are my father," says Xiao Xingchen repeating the words Xue Yang said to him last night. Xue Yang shrinks up smaller.<br/>"Don’t forget you're the reason I'm blind to begin with," he says and storms out. Song Lan and Jing follow him, leaving him alone, again, with hair that smells like jasmine.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Jing's Letter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Xiao Xingchen! Xiao Xingchen, is it dinner time? I'm so hungry, Xiao Xingchen! Xiao Xingchen!" Xue Yang whines from his room. He has been repeatedly calling for Xiao Xingchen since the morning, it's nearly 4 in the afternoon now. Finally, the door opens but it isn’t Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Oh Jing, it's you," says Xue Yang frowning.<br/>She walks in putting his bowl of soup beside him. He attempts to pick it up with his bound hands, trembling and spilling some of it on him, burning himself. Jing humphs and goes to help him. He accepts her help because he is hungry but hates himself for needing it.<br/>After he finishes Jing backs away and pulls out the candy Xiao Xingchen had given her that day.<br/>Xue Yang glares at her. "If you're here to rub it in my face get lost."<br/>She then pulls up a piece of paper with large, painstakingly written words, messily scrawled over the page.<br/>Xue Yang sits up straight. The afternoon sun casting a gentle light onto his hair in the window, softening his pronounced features. "Xiao Xingchen taught you how to read and write before he died, didn’t he?"<br/>She nods.<br/>"But he can’t read because he's blind."<br/>She nods again.<br/>"You want me to read that to him for you."<br/>She smiles and nods.<br/>"Why should I? It probably says all sorts of bad things about me."<br/>She pulls out the candy again.<br/>"You think I'm a child, you can bribe me with candy," he scoffs. "You know what I want already. I want you to leave, I don’t care where, just somewhere Xiao Xingchen won’t find you."<br/>She puts her hands on her hips and sneers at him. She points to her mouth.<br/>"I can easily get you to speak again. That's simple," he says looking out the window. "I just need another girl your age, kill her, take her tongue, and then put it into your mouth. Easy. Easy if I wasn’t stuck in here all day tied up."<br/>She shakes her head, disgusted.<br/>"What's the matter, little Jing? Does blood make you feel ill? Its somebody else's anyways so why should it matter? You get a tongue, go marry that junior who couldn't take his eyes off you, live happily ever after and leave Xiao Xingchen and me alone."<br/>She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.<br/>"My, you've always been stubborn and difficult. I suppose you helped with me getting my stomach wound, betraying where I was to that Lan Wangji." He sighs. "Don’t you think I'll want revenge for that? Yet here you are asking for a favor from me with nothing but a candy."<br/>She sighs and starts to unwrap the candy.<br/>"Why Xiao Xingchen would give you a candy for nothing I don’t even know. I've done nothing wrong since he came back to life and what does he do? Brushes my hair, that's all..." he trails off staring at that candy. Why should Jing get a candy and not him? Xiao Xingchen surely doesn’t favor her over the rest of them. Perhaps he has romantic feelings for her, that's why she hasn’t left, she wants Xiao Xingchen's heart. That candy could be his first gift to her of a romantic nature. His heart starts pounding.<br/>"Fine, I'll read your stupid letter, as long as there's nothing really bad about me in it!" He snaps.<br/>Jing grins and trots out.<br/>Xue Yang sits alone with his thoughts wondering if he just got played by that sly young woman yet again. Jing returns dragging Xiao Xingchen behind her. She sits him down across from Xue Yang and gives him the letter. Before he begins, she puts Xiao Xingchen's hand on her head in case Xue Yang reads it wrong so she can tell him.<br/>"What is this, Jing?" asks Xiao Xingchen in his characteristic gentle voice.<br/>"Jing wants me to read this letter to you," says Xue Yang.<br/>"Ah, that makes sense. That's why you put my hand on your head," he says to Jing.<br/>Xue Yang frowns. "I'll read it properly," he growls.<br/>"Daozhang. Please don’t feel bad or sorry about anything. Everything bad that happened to you is all everyone's fault but yours. I'm sorry I didn’t help Xue Yang better so you had to. It's not your fault. Xue Yang is a," he pauses. "I thought I said no bad stuff about me in this," he says impatiently. "For someone who barely knows how to write you can write a lot of curse words."<br/>Xiao Xingchen sniggers but tries to cover it up.<br/>Xue Yang's heart skips a beat at the sound of Xiao Xingchen's laugh, however brief.<br/>"Xue Yang is a bad man but I'm not afraid of him as long as you are here," he continues skipping over the profanity. "So, I will help better now so you don’t have to. Thank you for forgiving me for lying to you and trying to save me before. I know you are a forgiving person and you can’t help it so it doesn’t bother me. Jing."<br/>Xiao Xingchen covers his mouth to contain his emotions. "Is that everything?"<br/>Jing nods, his other hand on her head.<br/>He tries to release a breath but it catches on its way out. "Thank you, Jing. I am fortunate to have met such a brave and generous young woman as yourself."<br/>Xue Yang frowns. "I might be a bad man but I haven’t done anything even you could be mad at me about since you came back to life," he humphs.<br/>Xiao Xingchen smirks and quickly hides it.<br/>"I even read that letter for Jing!"<br/>Jing tosses him his candy which he unwraps immediately and pops into his mouth.<br/>Xiao Xingchen is suddenly overcome with emotion and covers his mouth to keep from sobbing aloud.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, what's wrong?" Says Xue Yang. "What did I say?" He looks at Jing. She shrugs her shoulders, confused as well.<br/>He swallows his sobs down. "I'm just relieved."<br/>"Huh?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen smiles. "I'm less afraid that you will hurt Jing when I'm not nearby and Jing isn’t so afraid of you anymore," he says. "I don’t feel so guilty for living. "<br/>He stands up and walks away. Jing and Xue Yang stare at each other. Why would he feel guilty for being alive? They both think to themselves. Xiao Xingchen is a mystery beyond any explanation, at least for these two people who grew up biting and scraping as poor kids on the streets.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Xue Yang's Scheme</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He's full of them</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the next several days Xiao Xingchen avoids Xue Yang much to his chagrin and Jing took care of him. However, after the hair brushing incident Xue Yang got increasingly better each day. Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan and Jing were getting more excited every day with the prospect of being able to separate Xue Yang from Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang saw no reason to inform them their misgivings. Sometimes he would strike up a conversation with Jing or watch from the window Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen sparring but most of the time he was bored. He ran through multiple plans in his head on how to destroy Song Lan and Jing but in all of them he would be obviously caught. As Jing took care of him, he became less inclined to destroy her as the days stretched on and hers was the only face he saw.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen has changed, hasn’t he?" He says to her one day.<br/>She shrugs.<br/>"He is sadder and blames himself for things he didn’t do. I don’t like it," he says.<br/>She rolls her eyes.<br/>"What are you rolling your eyes at me for?" He snaps.<br/>She breathes on the window and writes one word at a time. "Whose fault is that?"<br/>Xue Yang chuckles. "You all like to say that a lot. Xiao Xingchen blames me for his blindness, you blame me for his depression. I think you are all idiots. Xiao Xingchen became blind because he gave up his eyes to Song Lan, that's his fault. And as for Xiao Xingchen's somber mood, yes, I tricked him into killing his best friend but what of it? Now Song Lan is powerful, conscious, and wont even age. Their friendship is only different if they make it so. So, blame me all you want for ruining everything but that doesn’t solve the problem we have now. How to make Xiao Xingchen happy about living."<br/>Jing humphs and sits down across from him. Both of them have street smarts but neither of them is any good at figuring out the mind of a Taoist who grew up on an isolated mountain and came down to only do good to the world.<br/>"His clothes are worn. They're the same he wore as a corpse and when he died. We should buy him some new clothes," he says.<br/>Jing nods in agreement.<br/>"What are some foods he likes? He bought us candy but does he actually like it himself?"<br/>Jing frowns, thinking hard.<br/>"He lived in the mountains so he must have eaten lots of wild nuts and berries growing up."<br/>Jing nods, seems logical.<br/>"Tomorrow, go to town, the one next to us, ah, I forget what it's called, and buy Xiao Xingchen some new clothes. They have to be white because he would look funny if they were any other color; and try to find as many fruits and nuts to bring back too." He reaches into his pants with both his bound wrists to produce a concealed money bag. He counts out some silver awkwardly trying not to spill it all over the ground. "This should be enough."<br/>Jing smiles and reaches for it. He closes his hands. "This is for Xiao Xingchen. Do’nt spend it all on sweets for yourself."<br/>She sneers at him, without a tongue she can’t enjoy sweets nearly as much as she used to.<br/>"Switch his clothes when you do the washing that way he won’t know right away and get angry that we bought him clothes. He would probably say it was a waste of money or something stupid like that. He's such a damned idiot." He growls.<br/>Jing takes the money and walks out of the room. Xue Yang settles back into the shadows. He leans up against the wall. Jing had better do what she's told. He'd cut off her sneaky sticky little fingers if she dares to spend that precious money of his on a dress for herself or sweets. But he can’t ask Song Lan to do it. He can’t ask Song Lan anything. Song Lan regards him with more distaste than a rotting dung field. He sighs. Jing had better return with results.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Where's Jing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Jing! Jing!"<br/>Xue Yang wakes up to Xiao Xingchen running around the house calling her name. He sits up. Good, Jing managed to sneak out without them noticing her. She should be halfway to town by now.<br/>The door bursts open.<br/>"Xue Yang! Where's Jing?" says Xiao Xingchen his sword drawn and his lips pursed.<br/>"How should I know? I've been locked up here all night and day, why would I know where your little pet went?"<br/>"Xue Yang, I'm warning you! I know you've held a grudge against her since she exposed you to Lan Wangji. She wouldn’t just leave without telling me unless you did something to her. Unless you said something to her."<br/>Xue Yang's face turns red in anger. Yes, he did. He did say something to her but it's not what he thinks. "And what if I did? What would you do to me? Would you kill me? Just because you can’t find Jing one morning?"<br/>"Don’t test my patience," retorts Xiao Xingchen. "I should have known better than to let her take care of you. Ah, this is my fault. I knew you couldn't be trusted."<br/>Xue Yang's heart pounds and his anger rises with nowhere to go. Tears come unwittingly out of his eyes. "I've done nothing wrong, this entire time, and now you can’t find Jing and you blame me? What if she left to chase a man, or she grew tired of living in this dump of a town with two men and a corpse? Why do you blame me?"<br/>"Because this smells like your doing," replies Xiao Xingchen. "And if she left, she would surely tell me."<br/>"How do you know, she pretended she was blind for years and we didn’t figure it out. She obviously knows how to keep secrets."<br/>Xiao Xingchen strikes him instinctively and then turns away from him, breathing heavily. "You know exactly how to sow distrust and discord among my friends. I'm not as naive as I once was. We will find where she went and I will undo whatever you've done before she gets hurt further from your filthy hands."<br/>He leaves, slamming the door hard behind him.<br/>"Song Zichen!"<br/>Xue Yang grinds his teeth. His cheek is bleeding from Xiao Xingchen's strike. How whole body is trembling. "You think you're so righteous you stupid, pigheaded animal!" He spits. "Why the hell did I try so hard to bring your worthless hide back to life? Apologize? I should have spared my breath. I was right about you to begin with you lousy, ugly, blind, stupid..." Song Lan storms in, strikes him on the other cheek and gags him. He falls onto his side, helpless anger welling up inside him. Song Lan walks out leaving him there, bound up, gagged and bleeding. He screams into his gag but it's too tight and he just starts to cough. The tears start to flow and he can’t control them. He falls into a dreadful feverish dream. Song Lan can go die. Xiao Xingchen can go die. They can all go die!<br/>Xue Yang wakes up to the sound of his door opening slowly, creaking and footsteps creeping closer to him. He doesn’t bother to stir but he opens his eyes. His depression has come back and he can feel resentful energy slowly drawing up around him. He sees Xiao Xingchen's feet in front of him. He kneels down and puts a candy beside his pillow. Gently he removes the gag in his mouth. Xue Yang swallows. His throat is sore from screaming. Quietly he observes Xiao Xingchen. His face is pained and his hands are trembling. Xue Yang closes his eyes quickly before he starts to pity him.<br/>"You probably don’t want to talk to me," he says softly. "I understand."<br/>Xue Yang opens his eyes. "You all just think candy will get you anything you want from me," he hisses.<br/>"I... I’m sorry," he says reaching to take the candy away. Xue Yang throws his hands top of his candy, Xiao Xingchen instead touches his fingers. He draws them back quickly.<br/>"I'm sorry, Xue Yang. Jing came back from buying food. I don't know where she got the money from but the food is wonderful. No matter what I think of you, I was wrong to strike you and accuse you without knowing the truth."<br/>'He still hasn’t figured out the whole truth yet.' Thinks Xue Yang. So now Jing will get all the credit and he gets some worthless candy and an apology. He grinds his teeth.<br/>"Where do you think Jing would get that money?" He says, sitting up.<br/>"Uh, I don’t know," replies Xiao Xingchen. "I hope she didn’t pick Hanguang Jun's pockets."<br/>Xue Yang pauses, would he even believe him if he told him the truth? Jing won’t stand up for him or vouch for him if Xiao Xingchen says he's a liar. He bites his lip. Xiao Xingchen picks up his horsetail whip and disperses the gathering resentful energy. Xue Yang cowers at the sudden movement. His moneybag slips out of his outer clothes which he had hidden it, unable to properly put it back because of his bound hands. Xiao Xingchen starts at the sound. He puts his hand on it and examines its contents with his hands.<br/>"Where did you get this?" He asks, his voice trembling a little.<br/>"I didn’t steal it from Hanguang Jun," he retorts bitterly. "I worked with Jin Guangyao, the leader of a rich sect of course I have money. Did you want to take that away from me too?" He spits.<br/>Xiao Xingchen puts the money back into his clothes and pulls away slowly.<br/>"I'm sorry. That's all I came here to say. Accept it or not that's your choice."<br/>With that he stood up and left. Is it possible? Perhaps Xue Yang struck a deal with Jing to buy him something he wanted with some of that fat money pouch and told her to buy herself things she wanted with the rest of it? But how could Xue Yang possibly trust Jing to do such a thing for him knowing their history. Some things didn’t match up. In any case he will get to the bottom of this. It's unfortunately very easy for him to be deceived because of his blindness but he is determined to find out the truth regardless. He is almost absolutely certain Jing used Xue Yang's money since she had spent longer than usual with him yesterday. But why is what he can’t understand and why wouldn’t Xue Yang tell him immediately where Jing had gone to? Perhaps that's his fault though, he didn’t exactly give him much of a chance to explain anything this morning. He covers his face, ashamed of what he did. Despite what Xue Yang had done he should only suffer for his own crimes, his reaction to him was purely emotional and foolish. He almost bumps into a silent Jing who is boiling water at the stove to wash the clothes.<br/>"I'm sorry, Jing," he says backing away. She grabs him by the color before he leaves and tugs at it a couple times.<br/>"Song Zichen, will bring you my clothes in a minute. Allow me a few moments to retire to bed," he says.<br/>Jing frowns. After bringing all the best food she could find Xiao Xingchen hardly reacted, seemed troubled and went into Xue Yang's room. Then he came out looking even more troubled. Did their plan fail? Is good food not helpful for the Taoist? Did she get the wrong food? She growls under her breath. She worked hard to get that. All the wonderful things she passed up for his sake. It had better not have all been for nothing.<br/>After Song Lan brings her Xiao Xingchen's clothes and returns to his friend she tosses them in the stove to burn. Smiling to herself she tries to picture Xiao Xingchen in the nice new white clothes with soft yellow trimming on the bottom and the sleeves. He will look nothing short of princely. She produces the new clothes and hangs them up beside the stove pretending they were his old clothes. Song Lan might not even notice until Xiao Xingchen realizes they were switched out. The material is softer and better quality than his previous clothes. Xue Yang will surely be impressed with her spending of that money. She pulls out a pretty ribbon she had bought for herself. There was a little bit of money leftover after all, no harm in buying herself a few nice things.</p><p>Xue Yang lies awake for the entire night deliberating on how he will destroy Xiao Xingchen for what he did that day. When the sun rises, he starts to feel sick and dizzy from his lack of sleep. He looks out the window. ‘It would be nice to go outside again sometime,’ he thinks. Sighing, he tries not to feel too sorry for himself and instead think of some sort of revenge but Xiao Xingchen enters suddenly with more force than he had ever seen him possess.<br/>"What is the meaning of this?" He demands.<br/>Xue Yang looks up at him. He's wearing a pure white robe with yellow trimmings. His sleeves are long and elegant. He could be a prince in that simple but beautiful outfit. Xue Yang's jaw drops a little when he sees him but he quickly closes it and recovers.<br/>"It looks good on you," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen hands shake. "Why did you send Jing to town to buy food from the mountains and new clothes for me? You kept commenting on my clothes and how they were unsatisfactory and now you sent Jing to buy me new ones. What are you trying to get from me?"<br/>"You took long enough to figure it out," he says chuckling. "You were right about one thing; I was involved in Jing being missing yesterday." He grins.<br/>"Answer my question!"<br/>"I don’t know, Xiao Xingchen! I regret it deeply now despite seeing how beautiful you look in that..." he trails off.<br/>Xiao Xingchen kneels down, across from him. "Are you trying to convince me to spare your life after we separate?"<br/>The 'separation' Xue Yang knows will never happen but Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t believe him if he told him that. He growls under his breath. The first kind thing he's done for anyone since he was a child and all Xiao Xingchen does is accuse him.<br/>"Please," Xiao Xingchen moves closer to him, placing his hand on his shoulder. He tightens his body at the touch, determined to be repelled by it. The hand stays there though and is stronger than Xue Yang's rapidly decreasing anger. Xue Yang has killed people for less than what Xiao Xingchen has done to him yet somehow, he still wants him close, he wants him to think well of him.<br/>"Tell me," he says in a softer voice. His gentle features only further softened by his beautiful new clothes. Xue Yang can hear his heart pound. He wonders if Xiao Xingchen knows this has an effect on him so he is manipulating him with his unparalleled warmth.<br/>"We just didn’t like how sad you were," he says, lowering his head and giving in to Xiao Xingchen's methods.<br/>Xiao Xingchen pulls his hand away. "That was all you thought about?" He says, mildly amused. "No grand plan, no scheming?"<br/>Xue Yang shakes his head helplessly. "I didn’t want you to die or want to die. Your clothes were the same as they were when you were a corpse. It seemed depressing..." he trails off. He sounds idiotic.<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs, a slightly unnervingly. "You must hate me now, knowing your temper and disposition."<br/>Xue Yang's dizziness catches up with him and he collapses backwards. Xiao Xingchen catches him with his hand before he hits his head against the floor. Xue Yang stares up at Xiao Xingchen. He's so handsome. So undeniably handsome. Perhaps that's why he likes him. Never mind the candy he gave him; his affections are purely shallow. Maybe if he tells himself that he will believe it.<br/>"I will forgive you if you take care of me yourself until I'm recovered," he says a grin etching his face.<br/>Xiao Xingchen chuckles. "Always shameless when you get the chance. Why don’t we put this into the debt you owe me for tricking me into killing my best friend and lying to me for years."<br/>Xue Yang frowns and sighs loudly. "Song Lan is more than fine now. I'm envious of him half the time. He's invincible and powerful and could rip me apart with one hand if he wanted to."<br/>"He's also tongueless."<br/>"Ugh, fine. Take care of me today though. I thought of so many plans on how to take revenge on you I might change my mind and do one of them if you leave me alone with my thoughts too much," he tries again.<br/>Xiao Xingchen shakes his head at him. "I will bring you supper tonight."<br/>Xue Yang sighs loudly. "Don’t be surprised if you find worms in your soup." He retorts.<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs and puts a pillow under Xue Yang's head then stands up to leave. "Goodbye Xue Yang. Get some sleep, you must be exhausted from all your revenge planning last night." He chuckles and leaves the room. Xue Yang smiles as he leaves. Xiao Xingchen laughed and smiled numerous times during that brief interaction. The clothes and food worked. Ha! He sits back satisfied. Turns out two street kids knew how to fix the Taoist after all.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Leaving Yi City</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Next Chapter</p>
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    <p>Xiao Xingchen wakes up early in anticipation and goes to the kitchen/main area. Today is the day they finally leave Yi city. Their days were nice before to spend with Song Lan and feel that closeness and hope they both once had, even it was just a glimpse of it. But Xue Yang was always looming in their minds. It will be a relief to separate from him and it will be just them again, travelling together dispelling evil. They had once hoped to start a clan but Xiao Xingchen knows that that is impossible now with a blind man and a mute corpse man. He sighs. Once those two were certain they could change the world, now they are desperately gripping onto their own fragile humanity and friendship. He loves Song Zichen so much, if only they could talk again like they used to.<br/>He leaves his bedroom softly Song Lan sits by the door, like a stone. Jing sleeps as close to him as she can for safety but not too close because he still hates touch even as a dead man. Xiao Xingchen rests in his own room where only Song Lan can come in and out of. Usually Jing is the first up but today its him. He has waited for this day for days beyond count. Now that Xue Yang finally recovered from his wound and loss of power they are ready to leave Yi City. Song Lan sees him and stands to his feet. Jing mutters and mumbles in her sleep at the sudden movement and slowly rolls over on her bedroll beside the kitchen pantry door. Abandoned houses are alright in their way but if Xiao Xingchen could choose, it wouldn’t be this place. Jing gets up, rolls up her bedroll, and lights the stove fire. She points to the depleting pile of wood and looks at Song Lan. He nods and goes outside and around the house to collect some wood. Those two had learned to figure out most things just by looking at each other and reading their facial expressions. Jing had no issue with touching so she would often communicate with Xiao Xingchen by putting his hand on her head and nodding or shaking it so he knew what she wanted. Sometimes she would help Xiao Xingchen understand Song Lan as well. She was good at that. Song Lan sometimes carved words into wood for Xiao Xingchen to read with his fingers. It wasn’t the ideal situation but they had learned to make it work. Most of the time Xiao Xingchen could guess what they were thinking anyways so they didn’t struggle too much.<br/>"Did you want me to get the rice from the pantry?" asks Xiao Xingchen rolling up his sleeves to help out with breakfast.<br/>"Mmn!" She responds with her throat.<br/>The kitchen is busy and bustling with everyone in good spirits. After breakfast Jing and Song Lan pack the necessary things they will need and put them into packs or fit whatever will qualify into Xiao Xingchen's Qingchen bag. Only Xiao Xingchen has one and since Song Lan's power is greatly altered, he doesn’t try to use normal items used by cultivators since he’s technically a corpse. Xue Yang listens to everyone moving around in the other room and sighs, he is becoming incredibly bored lately. There's a fly on his wall he has been watching for the past hour. Its name is Jing Lan and he has been trying to hit it every time it gets close enough to his head. He hasn’t succeeded yet though.<br/>Jing brings him breakfast and Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan follow.<br/>"We are moving on today. Your wounds have healed well enough to travel," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Xue Yang sits up straight and grins.<br/>"We will keep your hands tied and Song Lan will bring you behind him so it will be impossible to escape or cause trouble," he says.<br/>Xue Yang rolls his eyes. "Yes, yes, yes, alright. Who cares? Help me up, I'm ready to go as soon as you three snails are."<br/>Xiao Xingchen is surprised Xue Yang is so anxious to go. "We are going to find that tool to separate us and then you will be executed. Why are you so anxious to go?"<br/>Xue Yang chuckles. He doesn’t plan on telling him that Wei Wuxian lied to his face. "Since you three are so anxious to try to be rid of me I won’t resist the attempt. Besides, I don’t fear death I fear boredom. I can tell you truly this boredom is worse than death."<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs softly. Xue Yang grins. It's becoming easier to get him to laugh now. Xiao Xingchen's guard is slowly going down around him. He is getting closer. He stares at his warm softened features and thinks how much he wishes to mark them up with his lips. He bites his lip and swallows. Xiao Xingchen can’t see him staring at him like this but if Song Lan or Jing were to come in they would certainly strike him hard just from the look in his eyes.<br/>"Jing already packed food and a few blankets, you don’t have anything of value in Yi city do you?"<br/>Xue Yang glances down, unable to control his happiness over Xiao Xingchen's simple gesture of thoughtfulness. "No, I grew up on the streets, things don’t have much meaning to me," he says in an irregularity calm voice.<br/>Xiao Xingchen is caught off guard by that response. He produces a rope and approaches Xue Yang who willingly puts his bound hands out to be attached to the leash. He smiles gently as Xiao Xingchen wraps the rope around and loops it over and ties it together around his wrists. Watching every movement with intent Xiao Xingchen feels his intense gaze on him.<br/>"Must you stare at me so much?"<br/>"How did you know I was staring?" He says in a low voice leaning in close to his ear.<br/>Xiao Xingchen starts and pulls away.<br/>"I... I just could sense it."<br/>Xue Yang breaks out in a childlike mischievous grin. "You're just so unbelievably beautiful Xiao Xingchen. Its impossible not to stare at you."<br/>Xiao Xingchen picks up the rope on the other side.<br/>"Are you ready to go?"<br/>"Or course," he says slowly standing to his feet. His legs weaken a bit since they aren’t used to moving around too much. He falls back onto the ground. Xiao Xingchen flinches, stopping himself from going to him and helping him up. Xue Yang stands to his feet and is this time successful. Xiao Xingchen nods and leads Xue Yang out of the room. Song Lan sees the two and frowns. He inspects the knot which meets his expectations, throws his pack over his shoulder, ties the rope to his wrist and the party sets off. Xue Yang starts to hum as they walk out of the misty streets of Yi City. He smiles a genuine smile. He is leaving this place, with a living Xiao Xingchen. A Xiao Xingchen who laughs and smiles and gives him candy. Song Lan tugs at his wrists to make him hurry up. He frowns. Things aren’t quite perfect yet</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Battle At the Burial Mounds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Next Chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They decide to avoid going through the more populated areas in Yiling so they skirt the city and stay on the less beaten paths of the region. As they near the Burial Mounds the four start to get apprehensive. Song Lan grips the rope tighter in hand and often looks behind him to check that Xue Yang is behaving. Jing edges closer to Xiao Xingchen and Xiao Xingchen strains his ears constantly for anything that sounds out of the ordinary. Xue Yang is also attentive to his surroundings the difference is he is looking for an opportunity to get away from Song Lan and closer to Xiao Xingchen. Once they reach the foot of the Burial Mounds Xiao Xingchen stops, putting his hand up. The graying blackened trees are parted only slightly to allow an ominous path to open for them. Jing peers in, unsure about this.<br/>"There's something following us," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Song Lan closes his eyes, trying to sense whatever it is. He puts his hands up to indicate 10, then 20, then 30.<br/>Jing's eyes widen and she hides behind Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Let's hurry up the mountain. We might be able to lose them," says Xiao Xingchen. He isn’t too anxious to get into a fight with whatever is following them since Xue Yang would likely use it as an opportunity to hurt Song Lan or Jing.<br/>Song Lan nods and follows Xiao Xingchen, pulling Xue Yang behind him. Jing hesitantly follows behind them unsure where more of the danger lies.<br/>"What's the matter, little Jing?" Says Xue Yang teasing her. "Its just a little forest. Don’t worry, I'll protect you."<br/>She shudders.<br/>"You don’t believe me?" He chuckles. "Then run on ahead and walk with Song Lan. See if he cares to look out for you."<br/>She humphs and runs on ahead, nearly tripping on a root but Song Lan catches her just before she falls with his other hand. Xue Yang sighs. He's bored again.<br/>They continue on for about 20 minutes until Xiao Xingchen stops dead in his tracks, he frowns deeply, troubled. "They are in front of us as well."<br/>Song Lan closes his eyes. 10, 20, he counts his hands up for Xiao Xingchen to feel.<br/>"Two cultivators against 50 corpses. Not too bad of odds if one of the cultivators wasn’t blind and we didn’t have a helpless little girl with us. Why don’t you untie me, give me a sword and let me help. My life is on the line too here."<br/>"I'm not giving you a sword, Xue Yang. Just stay out of the fray with Jing." He says. "We will attack the 20 ahead of us first and try to break through and make it to the top. It will be easier to fight more of them in the open," he says.<br/>Its not a bad strategy but Xue Yang still frowns. He doesn’t like the idea of being a sitting duck. Jing is trembling, despite living in Yi City for years amongst many walking corpses, being cornered by 50 of them in a dark forest is terrifying. They speed up to meet the approaching group of corpses. Song Lan ties Xue Yang to a tree, draws his sword to face the group of uncommonly fresh crazed puppets roaring and snarling at them. Jing stands nearby Xiao Xingchen who has also drawn his sword.<br/>"Zichen, stay away from me, my sword senses corpses, I won’t be able to distinguish you. Jing, you also smell a little bit like it too. Go stand nearby Song Lan. She obediently goes to stand near the tree with Xue Yang. Song Lan has his back turned to them and faces the disfigured corpses with his own corpse roar. Xiao Xingchen, who is about 7 feet away from them is already surrounded by them and is annihilating them with swift, beautiful movements. Xue Yang pauses for a moment to stare at him and then yanks and shimmies around trying to get free. Jing's eyes widen, but she doesn’t cry out to warn them, Xiao Xingchen might assume she is being attacked and accidentally stab Xue Yang killing both of them. Xue Yang knows this. He manages to wrench free the knot but his hands are still tied. A corpse comes up behind them to their tree. He jumps up and kicks it in the stomach and as it falls slips his bound hands in between the corpse's knife. Careful to stay out of sight of Song Lan who is steadily destroying the creatures like they had no chance at all. Xue Yang has to act fast. He picks up the knife and sneaks behind Song Lan. He grins, he could kill Song Lan this moment. But then Xiao Xingchen would kill him or himself and it would all be useless. His spiritual power is too weak to overpower him and all the corpses that are following them.<br/>He shrugs.<br/>"Remember today, Song Lan, the day I could have killed you but I didn’t," he whispers into his ear, jumping over his shoulder and stabbing a corpse in the eyeball up to its brain. Song Lan catches him by the throat and knocks him down onto the ground, stepping on him with his foot Xue Yang coughs and chokes.<br/>"Calm down, I was just teasing you!" He says. Song Lan keeps his foot on his chest and continues to ward off the corpses. The dim light in the forest is being lit up by the flash of Shuanghua, Xiao Xingchen's sword. A cry comes from by the tree. Jing! They forgot about Jing. Song Lan's eyes widen he turns around, giving Xue Yang an opening to squirm out from under him. Jing collapses but Xiao Xingchen reaches her first, catching her and stabbing the corpse of a young woman, about Jing's age, in the heart. She'd been struck on the head. A male corpse attacks Xiao Xingchen slicing his sword arm open in a huge gashing wound. He cries out. Song Lan and Xue Yang look at each other. The second wave of corpses are approaching in an angry roar.<br/>"You take Jing, I'll take Xiao Xingchen. We need to get out of here!" Barks Xue Yang. Song Lan beheads the corpse that struck Xiao Xingchen. Xiao Xingchen is kneeling and bleeding, holding Jing in his arms, protecting her with his body against the trunk of the black poisoned tree. Song Lan approaches to take Jing but he doesn’t know its Song Lan he swings his sword crying out.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, it's okay, its Song Lan. Trust him!" Yells Xue Yang.<br/>"How do I know you're telling the truth?" He cries. "You could be trying to kill her." He says. Jing is unconscious with a bleeding head.<br/>Xue Yang jumps up and past Song Lan. They both push their blades into Shuanghua, yanking it out of his bleeding hand. He cries out. Song Lan takes Jing from Xiao Xingchen with brute force and Xue Yang pulls Xiao Xingchen up and drags him away, picking up Shuanghua and destroying whatever is in their path. Xiao Xingchen cries. Xue Yang growls under his breath as he drags him. Song Lan throws Jing over his shoulder and takes the lead. He grunts loudly trying to make Xiao Xingchen recognize his sound. Xiao Xingchen relaxes slightly. As they run one corpse throws a knife at Xue Yang's leg, sticking it into his calve. He grunts, bites his lip and ignores it, pulling Xiao Xingchen along beside him. As they continue on, Xiao Xingchen moves faster and starts to pull the wearied Xue Yang beside him. Song Lan leads them into a wide-open space, a burnt down, vacant place with a cave. Xue Yang breathes a sigh of relief.<br/>"We're here!" He says. Song Lan rushes in and puts Jing down. He then takes Xiao Xingchen by the arm and sets him down on a rock.<br/>"Zichen, it really is you," says Xiao Xingchen, his eyes welling up. Song Lan pats his head and turns back to face the corpses who have followed them. There are about 20, and, when he isn’t hindered by anyone, he easily makes short work of them.<br/>Xue Yang turns to Xiao Xingchen who is sitting down on a stone beside the unconscious Jing. He is gently stroking her hair.<br/>"I'm sorry Jing, I wasn’t there in time and you got hurt," he says.<br/>Xue Yang rolls his eyes. "She's fine. She just got a little knock on the head and fainted in fear. Now show me your arm. You're wounded too and your body is my body," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs and allows Xue Yang to pull up his sleeve.<br/>"I made the nice clothes you bought me, dirty," he says softly.<br/>Xue Yang tries to ignore the goosebumps on his skin from Xiao Xingchen's words. He rips the hem of his inner garment and cleans off the blood with it. "Do you still have some of that salve?" He asks.<br/>Xiao Xingchen nods and produces it.<br/>Xue Yang applies it to the wound and then wraps it up with his ripped clothes.<br/>Song Lan returns, his sword covered in blood and his fierce corpse eyes, afire.<br/>He looks at Xue Yang, attentively wrapping up Xiao Xingchen's wound and Xiao Xingchen letting him. His other hand is softly stroking Jing's thin brown hair. The knife is still sticking out of Xue Yang's calve but he hasn’t said a word about it yet. He looks over at Jing. She is trembling in her sleep. His heart tugs a little. Xue Yang and his fight got both Jing and Xiao Xingchen hurt. He gathers little Jing into his arms and washes her forehead wound with water he keeps with him. Taking off his coat he gently wraps it around her. He stares at her. Jing truly is a remarkable girl. She spent years keeping people out of Yi city to protect them, stayed by Xiao Xingchen's body devotedly, and searched for cultivators to help avenge Xiao Xingchen's tragedy. Even after she found out she couldn't avenge him without hurting him she accepted her tongue as a loss and even worked with her enemy to get Xiao Xingchen new clothes, something he never would have thought of. By all appearances he is the closest to Xiao Xingchen. He spars with him, guards his door at night, and sees him when he is breaking down in his room, even hesitantly putting a hand on the thinner man's shoulder while he cries. But Jing is the one who has managed to communicate with him the best, put him the most at ease, and give him hope for the future. Such a young girl so intent on helping the Taoist cultivator. Everything he has ever done for her has now been repaid by her ten times over so why does she stay? Why does she stay when she doesn’t have to? Her sleeping face is peaceful now and her slight thin body moves at her every breath. She is so pretty. He thinks to himself. She's just a young common girl and has suffered so much. Still she stays with Xiao Xingchen, him and Xue Yang. She must know she will get more hurt, more wounded, and more traumatized. It takes all he can not to draw her up and hold her in his strong arms and never let her go. She is so small. Too small. Yet the strongest spirit of all of them. Why hasn’t anyone bought her beautiful dresses and tasty food and built her a warm house to live in? And why does she choose to stay with them when she could leave and find a peaceful life, taking refuge in a cultivation clan who would honor her for her bravery? Does she love Xiao Xingchen? He thinks of Xiao Xingchen holding her unconscious body in his arms, crying out, desperate to protect her. Does Xiao Xingchen love Jing? He bites his lip then frowns. In any case, whatever Jing wants he will do everything in his power to get it for her. If its Xiao Xingchen she wants he will get him for her too. Heavens knows she deserves everything in the world. A deep sinking feeling fills his stopped heart. Whatever Jing wants, she will have, he reminds himself, setting his teeth grimly.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Xiao Xingchen's Problem</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I mean, we all have issues</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xue Yang finishes tying Xiao Xingchen's arm as Song Lan is watching over Jing.<br/>"There, we should change that tomorrow though. I don’t think there was any poison in it but you can't be too sure."<br/>Xiao Xingchen nods. They are sitting on a long, almost couch like rock with their feet on the ground. Xiao Xingchen leans forward, taking a deep breath, his good arm reaching over behind Xue Yang like he is trying to keep from falling over onto him. Xue Yang is alarmed.<br/>"Are you alright, Xiao Xingchen?" He says, surprised the cultivator is doing so poorly with just one arm wound. Xiao Xingchen touches his back with a body lock spell causing Xue Yang to collapse. Xiao Xingchen catches him before he hits his head on the rock. Xue Yang smirks.<br/>"I never thought of you as the kind to play tricks," he says. "Well done. I wasn't going to hurt anyone though. Not now anyways."<br/>Xiao Xingchen gently lays him down as comfortably as he can onto the rocks. He leaves for a moment to collect a blanket that they had brought but had dropped most of their things at the opening of the cave when the first arrived.<br/>"You have a wound on your leg. You were limping on the way up here," he says in a calm, low voice.<br/>"Nothing gets past you, does it?" He chuckles.<br/>"I know the sound of your gait. I can tell if you're limping."<br/>Xue Yang grins happily to himself. Xiao Xingchen makes it utterly impossible not to be drawn inexplicably to him. Xiao Xingchen kneels down to Xue Yang's legs, still planted on the floor, although completely limp. He feels his left leg and finds the knife.<br/>"You should have told me you had a knife in your leg," he says sternly.<br/>Xue Yang chuckles. "You were going to find out eventually anyways."<br/>"For being one of the few who can speak in this party you speak more nonsense than things of use," he scolds.<br/>This doesn’t discourage Xue Yang in the least. Getting Xiao Xingchen's full attention is his favorite thing in the world even if his leg is painful. Being scolded by him is in no way disheartening. He smiles uncontrollably as Xiao Xingchen cuts his pant leg to expose the wound.<br/>"You can rip my pants off entirely if you want, I wont mind," he says mischievously.<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs, annoyed. He pulls the knife out quickly and stops the bleeding with some extra rags Xue Yang had left from his inner garment he had ripped earlier. The knife is about 3 inches long with a 3-inch-long handle. Just a small kitchen knife but painful to have sticking in his leg while running. Xue Yang stares up at the cave roof thinking what a triumph today was for him. He protected Xiao Xingchen and helped them get away. Not mentioning his knife wound helped to make him seem more heroic. Almost like he was Xiao Xingchen himself. Xiao Xingchen rips his pants up further and clean the blood off his leg.<br/>"Ah!" Xue Yang cringes in pain.<br/>"I'm sorry, are you alright?" He asks instinctively.<br/>"If I cry out more will you ask me that again?" Says Xue Yang.<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs loudly in exasperation. "I don’t know what you are trying to gain with your shamelessness. You know whatever you do, good or bad, I will still kill you when we separate."<br/>Xue Yang sneers and rolls his eyes<br/>"So, should I have murdered Jing and beheaded Song Lan back there? Instead of saving both of you from those corpses?" He retorts. "You've always been obsessed with bringing me to justice. What about all the men I was a pawn for? What about the Jin clan or the Wen clan? Will you kill every man who kills?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen bites his lip and pulls back. "I didn’t mean it that way, Xue Yang. You are so intent to win my favor. I'm blind but not dumb, I know you’re trying. Often going against your nature in your efforts. I don’t know what you want from me but the closer you get to me the harder it will be when the time comes."<br/>Xue Yang's expression softens. "You are exasperating, Xiao Xingchen. You know exactly what I want you just refuse to acknowledge it."<br/>"You want things to be the way they were before you destroyed them," replies Xiao Xingchen. Tying up the wound on his leg perhaps tighter than he had. "You think a few good deeds will redeem you to me and we can pretend nothing ever happened."<br/>Xue Yang growled under his breath. "A few good deeds? A few good deeds!" He snaps. "I spent ten years trying to bring you back to life, I kowtowed before you, begging your forgiveness. I forgave you for striking me willingly and I protected Jing and you back there!"<br/>"What about the Cheng Clan, Jing and Song Lan's tongues? Even if you redeem yourself to me, what about them?"<br/>"So that's why you treat me like this? That's why you knock me out and then brush my hair. That's why you treat me kindly when you think no one is looking. That's why you insist that I must die. This has nothing to do with your feelings you just feel guilty that your life means my life. You think I'm trying to use your compassion and feelings against you!"<br/>Xiao Xingchen backs away, his heart pounds, his head down.<br/>"You are pathetic, Xiao Xingchen!" He snaps. "You waste your days doing everything for everyone else, refusing to even consider yourself. You feel guilty for even being alive because it means other people might get hurt. How do you even breathe without wanting to die every moment in that state?"<br/>"And you care nothing of the feelings of others and are obsessed with yourself and your wants only! Even if it means the murders of a hundred others!"<br/>"Guilty," he hisses. "And what of it? At least I don’t cry every night and need a delinquent and a mute girl to buy me a set of non-corpse clothing because I'm too unselfish to even take care of myself in the smallest degree. Ah, you annoy me! I hate you! Why do I have to like you so damn much?" He says exasperated.<br/>Xiao Xingchen bites his lip to keep from smiling but a small chuckle escaped his lips.<br/>"And now I made you laugh. Now I can’t possibly feel any anger towards you at all. Ah, you're the worst."<br/>Xiao Xingchen lifts up his legs gently and lays them down so Xue Yang is lying down on the rock, as comfortably as he can be with the blanket at his head like a pillow.<br/>"Are you comfortable?" He asks, gently.<br/>"If I said no would you continue touching me?" He says.<br/>"Do you think shamelessly flirting will work with me?"<br/>"It could. You can’t see me, but I am good-looking. Not as beautiful as you but still."<br/>Xiao Xingchen shakes his head. "I can't figure out if you're trying to make me laugh or are serious when you say such ridiculous things."<br/>"Both?" He says.<br/>Song Lan suddenly appears out of nowhere and starts motioning for something. He rubs his hand on Xiao Xingchen's arm.<br/>"Do you want the hand salve?" Says Xiao Xingchen. "Ah, Jing, how is she? Thank you Zichen for taking care of her. I don’t know what I was thinking carrying on for so long." He stands up. Xue Yang frowns.<br/>"Just as things were starting to get interesting," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs outright. "You have excellent self esteem if you thought you were getting anywhere."<br/>Xue Yang grins. "I have always had excellent self esteem."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. The Jagged Horseshoe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jing wakes up, Xue Yang is tied up yet again and Song Lan starts digging. Jing watches for any corpses at the cave entrance. Xiao Xingchen isn't much use trying to find things so he lights a fire and starts cooking with some overgrown vegetables they found coming up from under the burnt mess of the Burial Mounds.<br/>"So, how are you going to kill me when you finally get the chance?" Says Xue Yang grinning. He is sitting on a rock, watching the digging and cooking with bored eyes.<br/>Xiao Xingchen doesn't answer him and instead focuses on stirring the pot.<br/>"Will you hang me, or behead me, or stab me in the heart? I personally think beheading is the most interesting way to do it. Please no lingshi though, I can stand pain but that might be too much for me." He says directing his words at Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Xiao Xingchen shudders at the thought of lingshi.<br/>"Perhaps you could turn me into a corpse puppet. No, I suppose you wouldn’t do that. Still, I'd be the most handsome corpse puppet in existence. Wen Ning has nothing on me. But I suppose I wouldn’t have consciousness since the whole purpose of execution is to die. So, on second thought don’t behead me, just in case you change your mind and want a handsome corpse puppet to follow you everywhere." He smiles showing his teeth.<br/>"Must you go on like this?" Says Xiao Xingchen putting the spoon down in exasperation.<br/>"You didn’t like my ideas?"<br/>Song Lan tosses a bunch of dirt at him.<br/>"You! You did that on purpose!" He sputters.<br/>Xiao Xingchen covers his mouth to keep from laughing.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, he threw dirt at me! My clothes they're covered in dirt now."<br/>"You were just talking about how you want your execution and now you complain about a little bit of dirt?" Says Xiao Xingchen unable to hide his amusement.<br/>Xue Yang shifts his crazy eyes to Xiao Xingchen. "I'm covered in dirt now. Could you take these off of me and wash them for me? It's just us here, Jing is outside. I don’t mind being naked around you."<br/>Song Lan dumps more dirt on him.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen!!" He whines.<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs outright, a loud honest sound.<br/>"Song Lan, stop throwing dirt at him. Xue Yang, I'm not going to strip you. You will have a chance to wash your clothes later after we find the tool."<br/>Xue Yang blushes bright red at Xiao Xingchen's laugh, even Song Lan pauses his digging.<br/>"Hey, is that it?" Xue Yang points at a black piece of iron sticking up in the dirt.<br/>Song Lan starts and picks it up quickly. It looks like an iron horseshoe except a big larger with a notch at one end of it. He brings it to Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"This has spiritual energy in it," he says. Feeling its edges. "It is exactly as master Wei described it."<br/>"See, I even found you the sword for my own execution. You should give me a kiss as my consolation prize," says Xue Yang.<br/>Song Lan rolls his eyes. Xiao Xingchen says nothing, his face solemn like he’s deep in thought.<br/>After dinner. Song Lan takes the tool, they call it the jagged horseshoe, and stands watch for the night while the rest of them sleep inside the slaying or slumbering demon cave. Xiao Xingchen curls up in a blanket beside the fire with his thin face and white blindfold over his eyes. Jing and Xue Yang stare at his face thinking about how beautiful he is until they fall asleep. In the morning they set off back down the Burial Mounds towards Gusu.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Fierce Corpse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tensions are rising, specifically sexual ones.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They take a different route back down the mountain hoping to encounter fewer walking corpses. Song Lan drags Xue Yang behind him, followed by Jing and Xiao Xingchen at the end of the party. Both have their swords drawn at all times. Shockingly Xue Yang does not prattle on, making uncomfortable advances to Xiao Xingchen as they make their way down. But the air is so heavy Xiao Xingchen almost misses it. Everyone is on edge in case they meet any more corpses. After about an hour they're apprehensions are confirmed. A party of 17 corpse puppets arrive while they are walking single file down a small forest path, dimly lit by a cloud covered sun streaming a few rays through the thick dark branches. Song Lan is tense, he pushes Xue Yang onto the ground, roars and attacks the corpses. Xiao Xingchen follows behind him, using the sound of Song Lan's roar to avoid striking his friend. They slice them up quickly and Xue Yang doesnt bother to interfere this time and instead stays sitting on the ground watching them fight. He frowns suddenly.<br/>"Jing, you need to untie me quickly."<br/>She shakes her head.<br/>"Song Lan is about to lose control, he's going to kill Xiao Xingchen!"<br/>Sure enough after the last corpse is killed Song Lan roars and turns to the next moving creature nearby him. Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, he's lost control! He's fierce, get away!" Screams Xue Yang, jumping to his feet, tripping over the rope Song Lan used to drag him around and lands on his face. He recovers himself.<br/>Xiao Xingchen stands still, frozen.<br/>"Get away! Run!" He shrieks his eyes wide and crazed getting back onto his feet.<br/>"Jing, please help me," Xue Yang begs.<br/>Xiao Xingchen steps between Song Lan and the other two with his sword drawn and resolute. If Song Lan is fierce, he has to protect the others from him.<br/>Song Lan strikes him, he blocks it with his sword, his arm almost crumpling from the sheer strength of his undead spiritual power. Jing bites her lip, draws her knife and cuts Xue Yang's bonds. She nicks his wrist for a minute spilling his blood onto the dirt. Xue Yang realizes what she was trying to say and springs over to a tree away from both Xiao Xingchen and Jing and holds up his bleeding wrist.<br/>"Song Lan come and get me!"<br/>Song Lan turns, a fierce Song Lan will want nothing more than Xue Yang's blood. Xiao Xingchen turns to stop him.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, if you leave that place you leave Jing defenseless," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchens heart pounds, pained. Xue Yang has once again forced his hand. He falls to his knees.<br/>"Please, please don’t kill him."<br/>Xue Yang suddenly feels an intense pain in his heart. This is what Xiao Xingchen did right before he killed himself. Tears threaten his eyes. No, focus, he has to contain a fierce corpse. Taking a deep breath, he produces a nail, climbs up the tree, corpses are not as nimble as living people so as Song Lan climbs up to follow him, he drips his blood on his head behind him to enrage him. Xiao Xingchen is crying in the background. Xue Yang grits his teeth, jumps out of the tree, one branch higher than Song Lan and sticks a nail into his head on his way down. He produces a talisman and throws it at Song Lan's head. Song Lan stiffens and freezes.<br/>He releases a deep breath. Xiao Xingchen runs to him, pushing him to the ground his blindfold is red again.<br/>"What did you do? Why is he quiet?" He cries.<br/>Xue Yang takes both his hands and holds them in his, his bleeding wrist covering Xiao Xingchen's hands in his blood.<br/>"Song Lan is fine, I'm just controlling him now," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen trembles violently. "What are you going to do to us?"<br/>Xue Yang's heart tugs. He loves this man; how can he calm him down?<br/>"Xiao Xingchen," he says. "Would I kowtow before you to beg for forgiveness just to make the same mistake again?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen's arms go limp. Xue Yang sits up, putting his hands on the gentle man's shoulders.<br/>"Please, believe me, I won’t destroy Song Lan, I won’t kill Jing and I won’t hurt you."<br/>Xiao Xingchen's blood tears slip out under his blindfold.<br/>"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" He cries and pulls him into him, burying his face into Xiao Xingchen's shoulder he grips his trembling body tightly. Xiao Xingchen's blood tears are the manifestation of his every nightmare. At night a blood teared Xiao Xingchen would beg him to let him go until the tears filled the whole house and he drowned in Xiao Xingchen's sorrow.<br/>"I can’t see your tears, please stop, please stop..." his voice trembles and he starts to weep. Xiao Xingchen slowly relaxes and stops shaking. He has never seen Xue Yang like this before. It's a bit shocking. He wonders what has gotten into him to make him so vulnerable. His face flushes when he realizes he has no desire to pull away from this crying trembling man. His hand moves up slowly to touch Xue Yang's tangled hair. Xue Yang softens his grip and his hands fall helplessly to his sides. He craves this comfort so much, even if Xiao Xingchen were to body lock him in this moment, he wouldn’t protest for a minute. Even if this is a method to regain power back over him, he will accept it with his hands open. Xiao Xingchen can play with his feelings all he likes.<br/>"I love you, Xiao Xingchen," he says burying his face into his shoulder.<br/>"I'm going to body lock you now, alright?" Says Xiao Xingchen his fingers weaving their way around the thick soft hair.<br/>Xue Yang heaves a shuddering sigh and nods. He's as helpless as a child, Xiao Xingchen thinks. A demonic cultivator utterly helpless when he sees his tears. He touches his back and Xue Yang goes limp into his arms. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t let go; he continues to run his fingers through Xue Yang's hair as if they had a mind of their own. Jing watches, turns red and looks away, feeling embarrassed to be there. Song Lan is still sitting in the tree where Xue Yang left him.<br/>Xiao Xingchen has no words to say to Xue Yang but an odd feeling of power overtakes him when he realizes his enemy is completely helpless in his arms. Is he his enemy? He brushes Xue Yang's jawline with his fingers and then encloses his hand around the back of his neck with his hand. Xue Yang whimpers a little, unable to control his emotions or his desperate craving for the beautiful man's attention. Xiao Xingchen's heart pounds so loudly he's almost sure Xue Yang can hear it. The limp, helpless body of the man who once lorded over him, laughing cruelly and mocking his pain is in his hands moaning at his touch. A strange, incomprehensible feeling overwhelms him and he wants more of this. He wants to feel every inch of this man's body with his hands, he wants to hear the sound of his whimpering and moaning as he does it. His fingers grip Xue Yang's neck tighter as the helpless man lets out a satisfying cry. Xiao Xingchen feels almost drunk or delirious. What is this feeling? He touches Xue Yang's face with his hand trying to remember every facet of his face so he knows what it looks like when he cries out. Xue Yang opens his mouth catching the long slender fingers on their way down towards his neck. Xiao Xingchen allows his thumb to slip past Xue Yang's desperate lips and into his mouth. He pants, uncontrollably hungry for more of Xiao Xingchen but he takes it out evoking an unconscious moan on Xue Yang's part.<br/>"Please," he begs. "I can’t... I want..." he can’t even find the words.<br/>The sheer power he holds over Xue Yang fills Xiao Xingchen with a dizzying euphoria. He could do whatever he likes with this man and he would take it without hesitation. His hands trace his body, from his shoulders to his waist. Xue Yang cries out as his fingers enclose around his lower waist. Tears fill his eyes and he sobs uncontrollably unable to release the intensity of his emotions in any other way. Xiao Xingchen pauses. He breathes out, releasing the sudden strange energy he had. This man might be a delinquent and a villain but his feelings for him are genuine. He can’t use those emotions because he's on a power trip just to discard them later and destroy him. If he had any humanity in him at all he wouldn’t abuse the vulnerability of another in such a way. He pulls his hands away.<br/>"N....no," Xue Yang whimpers.<br/>Xiao Xingchen's face softens. "I can’t pull you close just to push you away. I can't use you like that."<br/>"No, use me, destroy me. It's only fair. Make me your toy, your dog. Just please don’t stop touching me!" He cries.<br/>"You aren’t thinking right, right now," he says.<br/>"Seeing me in that state triggered something inside you making you weak and compromised," he says.<br/>Xue Yang, who before had so willingly been made limp was now desperately trying to sit up. "You don’t understand, Xiao Xingchen, this is all I want. I need you. I can’t breathe without you, even before you came back to life I died the day you did. Please, even if it's just a show or a lie string me along. Pull me close. Let me breathe your air. Let me live like I only can when I'm with you," he starts to cry. "I've never loved a person in my life until you. You don’t understand what I would do for you. You can’t even begin to understand how much I want you." He sobs uncontrollably into the trees. Xiao Xingchen looks around. If fierce corpses came by now it would be hard to fight them just him and protect Jing and Xue Yang. Xue Yang has worked himself up into a frenzy, although he can certainly claim some credit for that.<br/>"I'm sorry, Xue Yang. We will talk again soon. You'll be alright," he says almost whispering pushing his head down so it's still he flicks him between his temples. Xue Yang's eyes widen his lips form to say no but his eyes close and his face relaxes. He is asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Kiss Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Don't worry, it happens</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xiao Xingchen exhales, his own body trembles a little bit.<br/>"Jing?" He calls out. "Jing, I'm so sorry you saw that. Did you see that? I'm sorry, I don’t know what happened to me." He hangs his head.<br/>Jing emerges from the trees and immediately puts his hand on her head and shakes it.<br/>"You, you didn’t see that?" He stutters.<br/>She shakes her head.<br/>"Jing, I don’t deserve having you with me," he says, ashamed.<br/>She shakes her head again. No, Xiao Xingchen has a broken heart and a broken mind. She knows how much he hurts. He was the person hurt the deepest in his life and every moment of vulnerability he shows he feels ashamed of. She embraces him, wishing all her thoughts and emotions could translate into her fingertips and he would know what she feels. "Its okay, Xiao Xingchen," she says in her heart. "I know you're broken and I don’t mind. Please just be happy. I can’t let you alone until the day you are happy and your mind is safe."<br/>He buries his face into her shoulder and cries. She holds him as long as he needs until he steps away and heaves a deep sigh.<br/>"I need to protect us," he says.</p><p>Xue Yang wakes up feeling cool and comfortable. The first thing he notices is that his hands are tied again. The next thing he notices is that his head is on something warm and soft. He looks up to Xiao Xingchen's face. His blindfold is changed and he is softly singing a song.<br/>"My soul's that of a lonely musician<br/>A solitary wanderer am I<br/>If you come close enough you can listen<br/>To my faint empty tunes and my sighs<br/>My life is a tale, with no ending<br/>No one knew the day that I died<br/>I am not a stranger worth befriending<br/>Just let my song be your companion as you cry."<br/>His singing voice has a depth to it, with the same sorrowful warmth his voice always carries. Xue Yang feels a terrible pain in his heart that makes him deeply uncomfortable. But he's lying on Xiao Xingchen's lap. He couldn't dare move or he may miss this moment of being awake and able to stare up at the beautiful clean features of the kind man. He breathes in a shuddered sigh.<br/>"You are awake," he says softly.<br/>"Yes..." Xue Yang admits.<br/>"Are you...normal?" He hesitates to say.<br/>Xue Yang realizes Xiao Xingchen changed his blindfold because he knew that was what had put him into such a state before. His heart feels another thing that he isn't sure how to respond to either at that gesture.<br/>"I don’t think I am ever normal around you. You affect me...strangely," says Xue Yang. "I see I'm bound up again."<br/>He sits up to look around. He is laying on a large mossy tree branch beside Xiao Xingchen. They are one branch higher than where Song Lan and Jing are sitting. A few corpses grunt trying to climb up the tree of which Jing knocks them on the head with a heavy stick sending them to the ground with a thud. Xiao Xingchen is clever. Song Lan won’t move now without Xue Yang's permission so they couldn't travel and without Song Lan's protection they were at risk of Jing or him getting hurt while he is bound or unconscious, so he brought them all up a big strong tree where weak corpses struggle to climb.<br/>Xue Yang smirks, motions with his hands slightly and Song Lan starts knocking his head repeatedly against a branch nearby his head. He laughs. Xiao Xingchen grips him by the hair and puts him down beside him near the tree body. Jing is busy on the branch below them knocking a couple corpses who wander by them on the head with satisfaction. She seems pleased with her job.<br/>"Please change Song Lan back to normal," says Xiao Xingchen beside him.<br/>"I had stop his rampage. It was Wei Wuxian who helped him regain his cognition, how can I, I mere demonic cultivator manage such a thing?" Says Xue Yang grinning. "This is the next best thing until we reach Gusu."<br/>Xiao Xingchen frowns. "You brought a dead man back to life with your stygian tiger seal and you think you can claim ignorance? You know exactly how to do it," he says. Song Lan continues bonking his head, Jing turns to him and puts her hand between Song Lan's head and the branch. A kind gesture, although Song Lan feels no pain anyways.<br/>"Ah, so if I were to return Song Lan back what will happen? He drags me along behind him, strikes me, dumps dirt on me whenever he pleases. Why should I be in a hurry to change him back? This version suits me much better."<br/>"And how will you control him now you've been overpowered again?" Says Xiao Xingchen, impatient. "Can you please stop him from doing that?"<br/>Xue Yang motions for him to stop. Jing takes her hand back and shakes it. She felt more pain than Song Lan did.<br/>"I can still make him bonk his head on a tree branch," he says chuckling.<br/>"Xue Yang, please take this seriously. You know we can’t move forward this way."<br/>"No, so let me go, trust me and I'll protect us down this mountain and you can realize how expertly I can control a fierce corpse," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen has no response.<br/>Xue Yang frowns. "You just want everything don’t you? You want to control me, you want Song Lan to have cognition, you want Jing to be safe. You want to take me to Gusu to have me punished for my crimes. And what do I get for my trouble?" His fingers twitch around in the soft leather ropes. "A little bit more trust? Won’t change your decision to kill me. Won’t change your affection towards me."<br/>"You know I can't let you go. You know I can’t go against my principles. What can I do?" Says Xiao Xingchen. The slowly fading sun streaming down on his left cheek and his nose. The rays are so beautiful pulling out the flawlessness of the warm man's skin. Xue Yang leans in closer to him as they sit beside each other on the long, strong tree branch.<br/>"Give me something else then. If not my life. If not my freedom. Then give me yourself," he whispers. "And then I will do what you ask."<br/>Xiao Xingchen's breath catches, he jolts back startled by how close Xue Yang got. "Xue Yang, you can’t be serious."<br/>"I'm dead serious," he says, pleased with his genius.<br/>"You were, just emotional earlier.  That was just a moment of weakness, or insanity."<br/>"I want you to fuck me, Xiao Xingchen. Do you really think I was joking all those times?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen looks around. The corpses are all either bludgeoned to oblivion or moved on. It's just them in the forest under the canopy of dark creepy trees. Jing and Song Lan sit on the branch below them.<br/>Xiao Xingchen covers his face with his hands. "Please, not that. Not so much..." he stumbles over his words.<br/>Xue Yang's heart melts a little. Xiao Xingchen is undeniably cute hiding behind his hands. "Alright, then kiss me like you want me, then I'll release Song Lan. But you have to kiss me honestly. I want you to be hungry for me," he says, his voice lowering and his lips trembling with the excitement.<br/>Xiao Xingchen exhales. "You promise? Just a kiss? You'll really do it?"<br/>"I've never broken my word to you," replies Xue Yang. His heart pounding. Will this happen? Will those soft beautiful lips touch his? Will they suck him in? What will it feel like? His eyes blur as he stares at Xiao Xingchen's lips so intently. Xiao Xingchen licks them just a little bit and Xue Yang feels his heart rise to his throat. Xiao Xingchen puts his hand on the tree trunk beside his head with sudden force it startles him. His other hand he moves behind Xue Yang's neck which accepts the grip willingly. Then he forces his mouth onto Xue Yang's like a hungry animal. He envelopes him into his mouth, sucking his tongue deep, until it reaches his throat. Xue Yang moans, not even bothering to pretend he doesn’t crave this. Xiao Xingchen bites his bottom lip just enough for it to hurt him a little. He cries out but it sounds more like a moan as his entire mouth is so overcome by Xiao Xingchen's kiss. He tries to breathe and almost feels dizzy. Where did Xiao Xingchen learn to kiss like this? He told him to do it like he wants him but he is almost certain that he wants him now. This cant be a lie. He weakens. He feels every muscle in his body lose its function as Xiao Xingchen overwhelms him. And then, it was over, just like it began. Xiao Xingchen pulls away and heaves a breath. Xue Yang pants.<br/>"Is that...what you had in mind?" Says Xiao Xingchen, an odd layer of aggression in his tone. Xue Yang feels chills go up and down his spine.<br/>"Y…yes," he stutters.<br/>"Good, now fix Song Lan and let's get off this mountain," he says.<br/>Xue Yang feels suddenly small and helpless. He had planned on making Xiao Xingchen uncomfortable and then telling him that kiss wasn’t good enough that he had to fuck him after all but his head was so dizzy, he couldn't think straight. Now he has to make good on his promise.<br/>"Take a talisman out of my clothes. I'll tell you what to write," he says, defeated.<br/>Xiao Xingchen obeys quickly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Fuck Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You'know, we all want it to happen</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It isn’t long before they set out again, this time, Xiao Xingchen is holding Xue Yang's rope. A small adjustment but Xiao Xingchen thought it best to keep those two a bit more separated to avoid any further contention between them.<br/>Jing walks in step with Song Lan. He is a bit shaken up at the thought that he almost killed Xiao Xingchen and is feeling a bit ashamed at what both Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen had to do to quell him and return him to cognition. Jing hums a tune beside him, cheery and unphased by all that she had seen and heard that day.<br/>"You can really kiss," says Xue Yang. "Xiao Xingchen, where did you learn to kiss like that?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen doesn’t respond.<br/>"Was it Song Lan? Did you have someone up that mountain with your old teacher? You must have had practice, you couldn't have faked such a kiss if you never learned before," he prattles on.<br/>Song Lan stiffens, feeling deeply uncomfortable and wanting to swat Xue Yang away like an annoying fly.<br/>"Xiao Xingcheeeeenn," he whines. "Please tell me who your old crush was?"<br/>"I've never had someone I like," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Xue Yang grins. "So, you had to have meant it then; when you kissed me like that.”<br/>Jing and Song Lan automatically push further up in front. This conversation is making them uncomfortable for multiple reasons.<br/>Xiao Xingchen says nothing. He doesn’t want to admit what he felt when he kissed Xue Yang. He wanted to make him cry. He wanted to be in complete control over him and to put him into a state of helpless pleasure and pain. To make him suffer in all the ways he wants to. What he is feeling for Xue Yang isn’t care or concern or romantic feeling it is pure carnal lust and he does not like that feeling, it is completely unfamiliar to him. What's worse is he is realizing more and more, after Xue Yang gave up being in a position of power over him just to get closer to him and after Xue Yang lost his mind when he saw his bloody blindfold, Xue Yang’s feelings aren’t to be taken lightly. As much as an insane delinquent can, he loves him.<br/>"What do I have to do to make you kiss me again? I'll tell you what, I won’t cause any trouble. I'll even be silent for the rest of the trip, if you push me against that tree up there and kiss me again like you did before."<br/>Xiao Xingchen sucks in his breath trying not to picture how much he wants to do just that. And then maybe bite at his neck and then strip him naked and feel every crevice of his body before ramming him hard into the dirt with his manhood. That would feel so horribly wonderful as he screams until he cries and then shuts up for the rest of the journey. Xiao Xingchen turns red. Why is it that when he imagines such ludicrous things they’re so rough? He is a kind, gentle Taoist, that is his entire image and personality. How could he possibly admit to anyone the aggression he feels creeping in on him.<br/>Xue Yang notes his silence. "You really do want that," he says, a smile etching his smart lips. He clicks his tongue. "Who would think that Xiao Xingchen considers doing dirty things to a delinquent?" He chuckles. "I may get you yet, Xiao Xingchen. Just you wait."<br/>Xiao Xingchen frowns. "And then what? So, what if you get your wish and I fuck you right here, right now. We arrive in Gusu, separate and then I kill you."<br/>"Oh well, at least I'd be memorable for you," he shrugs, happy he found out that this execution is never going to happen when he did.<br/>"A memory to torture me further you mean?" Xiao Xingchen snaps. "Only monsters kill the people they make love to. How could I possibly kill you after I... after I..." he pauses. How is he even saying this stuff aloud? To Xue Yang nonetheless!<br/>Xue Yang has heard enough to gather that Xiao Xingchen, does in fact really want to fuck him, but is at war with his ridiculous conscience because he hates the idea that he is attracted to a murderous delinquent.<br/>"Please, stop messing with me, Xue Yang. I know you don’t understand it but I promise this is better for both of us."<br/>Whenever Xiao Xingchen says please it always hits him in the heart because of how he begged him before he died. Anything that reminds him of that day will disturb him on some level. Xue Yang looks around as the trees thin out and they reach the bottom of the mountain.<br/>"I don’t believe you. I think you're wrong. You spend all your life trying to be upright but you can’t even admit your own emotions to yourself."<br/>Xiao Xingchen tightens and instinctively yanks the rope pulling Xue Yang onto the ground suddenly. He falls flat on his stomach. Xiao Xingchen hears it and realizes what he did.<br/>"I'm sorry!" He says and kneels down to help him up.<br/>Xue Yang grins, any chance to get close to Xiao Xingchen is a good chance. He leans in closer to him and Xiao Xingchen pulls away quickly. His breath catching and fear building in his chest.<br/>Song Lan and Jing come back to find them, frowning to see Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen's faces only a few inches away from each other. Song Lan picks up Xue Yang by his color and takes his rope and leads him out. Jing takes the Taoist’s arm and pulls him out away from the trees. At this rate they will never get to Gusu.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Under the Stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How do you like my new ship?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Song Lan gags Xue Yang for the rest of the day. Partially because he is annoying and partially because he hates looking at Xue Yang's lips untethered after they had made contact with Xiao Xingchen's. Xiao Xingchen keeps his face down, feeling perpetually ashamed of himself for his inappropriate feelings that had been awakened in him today, so he doesn’t help Xue Yang or pull him away from Song Lan. Jing is feeling annoyed with the uncomfortable love but not love triangle between Song Lan, Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen. She sort of wants to hurry up and get to Gusu but she's also afraid of the blow Xue Yang's execution will be on Xiao Xingchen. No matter what they do the truth is, Xiao Xingchen has feelings for Xue Yang. Song Lan wasn’t aware enough to see it back when they tumbled under that tree and Xiao Xingchen started to touch Xue Yang like a pining lover, but she was. She knows what his feelings are and even if Xue Yang is the least deserving of such feelings no amount of shame on Xiao Xingchen's part will change that. She sighs. It sure would be satisfying to watch that monster lose his head. Frowning she knows it's not worth Xiao Xingchen's broken heart. How could that man be so unbelievably unlucky? His best friend is a corpse, he's blind, and he's fallen in love with the man who caused both of those things to happen. She hurries up to keep in step with Xiao Xingchen. She wishes to badly to tell him all her thoughts but she can’t. That damned Xue Yang, she growls under her breath. She takes Xiao Xingchen's hand and hops on one foot down the path through a wide-open field. Song Lan and Xue Yang are in front of them. Xue Yang makes a face at her for taking his hand but she sneers back at him. Its calm and the sun is starting to set. She hums a little song trying to bring up the mood. Xiao Xingchen smiles and lowers his head.<br/>"Jing, whatever man gets you had better be the best man on earth. You deserve all the happiness in the world for the kindness you have been showing this stupid, sorry old man," he says.<br/>Jing shakes her head. Xiao Xingchen is her age if not younger now. After he died, she kept living but he stopped aging at the day of his death. She pretends to be fifteen though, for his sake. She pretends not to have seen or gone through innumerable tragedies because he needs a kind, sweet and forgiving person by his side. Song Lan glances back at her and frowns. She cocks her head wondering what he is thinking. A funny thought entering her wild imagination making her smile. She remembers what Song Lan’s arms felt like when he picked her up in the cave and she was pretending to be asleep. He always looks at her with a softer light in his eye. She stops humming and goes deep into thought.<br/>That night Song Lan shakes her awake and brings her away from the other two who were sound asleep under the shade of the only tree in the field they were sleeping in. He pulls out a piece of paper and a pen and motions for her to sit down. He sits down beside her.<br/>"What happened?" He writes.<br/>Jing takes the paper and painfully slowly writes her response. "Xiao Xingchen begged Xue Yang not to hurt you when you went fierce. He listened and now Xiao Xingchen has feelings for him. He also kissed him for a long time so Xue Yang would help you get your cognition back," she writes.<br/>Song Lan sighs. "This is certainly my fault." He writes sorrowfully.<br/>Jing is starting to grow impatient with all three of them. "Who cares? Doesn’t change anything." She writes back.<br/>Song Lan looks at her paper that she passes to him. He chuckles a little and nods in agreement.<br/>"You are right. But I blame myself for his pain."<br/>Jing shakes her head. "He blames himself for yours. You two need to figure your stuff out."<br/>Song Lan is struck by her honesty. Her pleasant face looks back at him with sincere annoyance but still care and concern. He wishes he could smile for her. Instead he bows to her from a sitting position.<br/>"When we get to Gusu I will tell him my feelings honestly. I apologize for burdening you with them."<br/>She frowns and takes the pen back. "Xue Yang is right about one thing. You righteous, noble people are pathetic. I'm tired of being apologized to."<br/>Song Lan hangs his head. "Then instead I will say thank you. Thank you for your loyalty to Xiao Xingchen and your kindness to me in telling me these things."<br/>She nods in acknowledgement and lies down, still beside him. Perfectly aware of his mysophobia she puts her head on his lap and looks up at the stars. He trembles a little at her blatant disregard of his personal space but since he already feels too indebted to her, he is embarrassed to move. She smirks and points up at a shooting star before it disappears. He looks up where she is pointing and sees it a split second before it's gone. A warmth he hasn’t felt in years beyond count fills his stopped heart and he stares up at the sky with her. She hums an old folk song about stargazing. Song Lan joins in. Soon they take turns humming each line. It probably sounded silly to anyone who passed by but to them it sounded like this.<br/>"I gaze up at the stars with my love with my love<br/>Tell me eyes in the sky what do you see?<br/>Do you see the gaze of my love of my love?<br/>The only one dearest to me<br/>Send me a star just once for my love<br/>A promise that you'll watch over me<br/>And give me all of his love, until death and beyond<br/>Then we will live forever in the sky happily."</p><p>They laugh at their ridiculous harmonies and continue their songs until Jing falls asleep and Song Lan feels so alive, he forgets he is dead. Would she? Could she? Is there a chance that she doesn’t love Xiao Xingchen in that way? Could there be room in her heart for another? Perhaps that other could be him. Song Lan suddenly feels hit with a crippling depression. He is dead. Love is for the living. He is a corpse. Stabbed through the heart. Retaining his spiritual cognition but not his life. Even if a dead man is capable of love a girl cannot love a corpse. He stares down at her soft features and wispy hair. If he could cry, he would.<br/>"Give me all of her love, until death and beyond<br/>And we will live forever in the sky happily." He hums over and over and over again with only him to know the words he is playing in his heart.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Gusu</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Corpses need love too</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The journey to Gusu passes without further incident. Xiao Xingchen keeps his head down for the rest of the trip and hardly speaks. Xue Yang tries his utmost to patronize him but hardly gets a cracked smile for his trouble. Every step they grow closer to Gusu the more discouraged Xiao Xingchen gets. He hates the thought of Xue Yang dying and he hates how much he hates that thought. Song Lan is preparing in his mind what to say to Xiao Xingchen. Despite his hatred for Xue Yang he must be able to sympathize with his friend even if he can’t understand why on earth he would develop feelings for the monster. Jing skips alongside Xiao Xingchen humming the whole way. But she is getting tired of keeping up a positive persona. She has her own serious thoughts to entertain. The air becomes cooler and lighter as they reach Cloud Recesses. Everything becomes green, covered in dew drops and the sounds of rushing water is heard everywhere. Xue Yang has never been to Cloud Recesses and is struck with how beautifully wild it all feels. Until he sees the rule list on the stone before the entry.<br/>"They seriously obey all these rules?" He says, his eyes bulging at the huge stone slab covered in rules. As he reads them over more, he notices something. "You've obeyed nearly all of these!" He exclaims. "Xiao Xingchen, you're perfect," he says. "Except for befriending the devil, you did do that." He laughs.<br/>Song Lan yanks him along and they greet the doorkeeper at the front rock arch.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan, Lady Jing," a handsome, white clothed disciple greets them with a respectful bow.<br/>"Do I not get a greeting?" Complains Xue Yang loudly.<br/>The man regards him with disgust and continues speaking to Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen. "We received instruction regarding your party from Hanguang Jun and have a house prepared for you. Unfortunately, most of our clan is away fighting a sudden wave of corpse puppets at the Burial Mounds but they shall return soon," he says.<br/>Song Lan and Jing exchange glances thinking about the narrow escape they themselves had in Yiling. The man leads them up into Cloud Recesses and to a secluded house in a quiet garden with only a few birds singing in the overhanging trees. There is a smaller house about 20 meters away that looks strangely worn down for a place so well kept as Cloud Recesses. The man bows and shows them into the bigger house.<br/>"Please make yourselves comfortable. We were instructed to see to it that you and your party were well taken care of. We will provide water for bathing and a change of clothes for each of you while we are washing your clothes. But first please sit down and we will bring you something to eat shortly. Jing smiles large for him. Such a handsome and polite young man. Song Lan walks him to the door and closes it behind him with a louder thud than he had intended. Jing grins.<br/>Xiao Xingchen sits down on the couch. Jing runs to him, kneels down and goes to help him take his boots off. Song Lan frowns. He wraps the rope leading Xue Yang around a post and goes to assist Xiao Xingchen remove his boots.<br/>"Truly, I can do this myself," he says, almost amused and undoes his shoes quickly before the other two can help him. "Jing you should refresh yourself with some food and tea."<br/>Jing nods and goes to the table where tea had already been laid out.<br/>"I hope Hanguang Jun and Wei Wuxian will be alright. They must have left for there shortly after we got out. I wonder if the puppets increased," he says to himself.<br/>"Jin Guangyao is using my seal to control them all," says Xue Yang, anxious to get Xiao Xingchen's attention.<br/>Xiao Xingchen nods solemnly.<br/>"He's probably getting skittish now that Hanguang Jun and the Yiling Patriarch are on his tail," he leans up against the post he is tied to. "Do I have to still be tied up?" He complains. "I can’t exactly escape or I'll die, I could've killed everyone if I wanted to but I didn’t, and my wrists hurt a lot."<br/>Xiao Xingchen frowns deeply. There's a knock on the door with some disciples carrying hot water and taking it to another, private room adjacent to the main one. The room they were sitting in has a couch, a small table with sitting mats, tea and understated decor on the walls. The next room over has a large bed, a bathtub with many towels, changes of underclothes and robes to pull over them if need be were hanging from the roof. The towels were folded and sitting beside the bathtub against the wall.<br/>"Jing, you should go first," says Xiao Xingchen. Song Lan turns away from her quickly. She notes his sudden awkwardness and gets a funny look in her eye. She nods and goes into the private room where she undresses and climbs into the tub. Luxurious bathtubs don't seem normal for her so after she removes about three years worth of dirt from under her fingernails, she decides that is enough. It is time to enact her plan. Taking a handful of water, she pours it on the ground to make the floor slippery then she gets out of the tub, wraps a towel around her body and intentionally loses her balance, falling onto the floor with a loud thud. She lets out a fake cry. There were two chances here, either Xiao Xingchen comes in to make sure she is alright or Song Lan does. If her guess is right about Song Lan he won’t want Xiao Xingchen to come to her aid because he is another man she’s close to. If it is Xiao Xingchen, she doesn’t lose anything either because he can’t even see her. She lies on her side, adjusting her towel to show her calf up to her thigh and grips the towel just at her chest so her shoulders and a little bit of her small breasts are visible. There's some sudden crashing and grunting and the fierce corpse runs into the room. He stops, his eyes enlarge when he sees her, partially exposed body lying on the ground before his eyes. She whimpers convincingly and reaches for her knee like she had painfully fallen on it. He stumbles down to the ground trembling looking around helplessly he grabs one of the robes that’s hanging up and covers her with it. He swallows hard, even though he doesn't really have anything to swallow. She continues to fake whimper but any chance she gets when he looks away, she observes his body language. He's avoiding eye contact as if her glance is dangerous. She smiles enjoying the fuss he makes of her. His arms are incredibly strong and his serious eyes and expressions make her chuckle inside. She wants to make him laugh and not be so serious. He picks her up and puts her onto the bed, covers her with a blanket, because she wasn’t already covered enough with a towel and a robe. She bites her lip from laughing aloud. He is so uncomfortable with seeing her like this. She takes his trembling hand and puts her face up against it. He immediately relaxes and looks at her. She feels a little guilty when she sees how relieved Song Lan is to see she isn't mad at him for not being Xiao Xingchen and for seeing her like that. Bu she isn’t completely satisfied yet though. Neither her nor Song Lan can speak so she has to find other ways of deducing what he feels and what a corpse is capable of feeling or wanting. He lowers his gaze again. She takes his chin and lifts it up to look at her mouthing the words thank you. He looks down again bashful. Jing's heart pounds a little. Does he? Can he? She smiles at him. Awkward he stands to his feet, bows respectfully to her and leaves, closing the door behind him. Jing sits there for a minute, a little bit stunned but then gets up quickly, gets dressed and runs out of the bathing room. She looks around the room to see Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen sitting silently where she left them.<br/>"He went outside," says Xue Yang. "That way," he tilts his head to the left.<br/>She nods and leaves after him. He's sparring a tree with graceful and impressive movements. She smiles. He looks so powerful when he has his sword out. The sound of her breath behind him startles his heightened senses and he turns around fast. His eyes widen to see her, her wet hair falling down over her shoulders as she stood before him in a white dress and soft blue robe that the GusuLan clan had provided for her. Her childlike features contrasting the intense depth in her eyes and womanliness in her carriage when she is with him. She is unparalleled in beauty in his eyes both as a woman and as a person. He lowers his eyes. He has to know. He pushed Xiao Xingchen aside to run to her just then and now she stands before him with her eyes wide and attention on no one but him. He fumbles into his robe and pulls out a pen and paper. With messy strokes that look like hers he writes.<br/>"Do you like me?" He keeps his head down and passes it to her with a bow and then backs away with another bow. The moment the note left his hand he instantly regrets it. There is absolutely no way a sweet young woman like Jing could see him, a dead man in all but consciousness, in a favorable way. Every gesture she has made to him must certainly be like that of a little sister, teasing, but familiar. He is a strong man capable of protecting anyone so of course she would be drawn to his strength since she has seen so many horrific things in her few years of life. A little folded piece of paper gets put into his hand. He starts and looks up, slowly unfolding it he dreads what it could say.<br/>"Yes." It reads. He looks up at her feeling utterly helplessly happy. She goes up on her tiptoes and kisses him on the lips. She giggles. His legs weaken. Song Lan has unparalleled respect for Jing. There is utterly nothing she can do that will shake that. Her willingness to even consider him, not to mention pursue him, makes him feel like the emperor himself. He slips his hand around her waist and embraces her. Thank you. He wishes he could say to her. If only his heart was able to explode in this moment. Her fragrance from the bath fills his highly sensitive nostrils and he weakens even more. He can sense her strong sexual energy as her body is against his. She moves her knee in between his thighs. He stumbles back against a tree and slowly sinks to the ground trembling and overwhelmed by Jing's complete disregard for society's protocol. She smiles femininely but mischievous. Song Lan feels embarrassed since he has no idea what kind of sexual being a corpse is. He hardly knew himself as a sexual being when he was alive. His eyes are wide, staring at her as her hair falls down onto his chest. She undoes his belt and reaches under his underclothes. Corpses do not feel pain but they can feel heat or cold and Jing's hand is remarkably cold. He moans. She leans forward and kisses him on the lips and then down to his neck while slipping her hands under his clothes. How long has she planned this? He thinks to himself as her hair brushes against his cheek. She giggles. And he is overwhelmed by how much he likes her. Is this real? Did he fall somewhere and hit his head? Oh, wait, that wouldn’t make a difference for him. He wants to tell her. He wants to tell her everything. He wants to tell her thank you for all she's done for Xiao Xingchen. He wants to tell her he thinks she is perfect in utterly every way imaginable. He wants to tell her how beautiful, strong and kind she is. He wants to tell her how much he loves her smile and her eyes and her tiny thin arms that are completely overpowering him. He wants to tell her that its all his fault. That if he hadn’t sent Xiao Xingchen away she would still have her tongue and wouldn’t have suffered nearly as much as she had but he cant tell her how happy he is that she did because now she is with him. The greatest woman within the four corners of the earth is kissing his...ah she reached his chest. She is peeling back his clothes to reveal his scar where Xiao Xingchen had stabbed him. He catches her hand and rolls her over so he is on top of her. He trembles and tries to regain himself. She stares up at him, her big eyes curious as ever. He wants to cry. Here she is willing to see him in his broken shameful state and he still can’t bear the shame of his defeat by Xue Yang. She saw it. She watched it happen. She watched him fall and now she wants him? He bites his lip and lowers his eyes, wishing with all his heart that he could weep.<br/>Jing looks up at Song Lan. Her heart warms. The four of them are tied by fate and by the pain of loving Xiao Xingchen with all the shame that's tied to it. She and Song Lan both can’t speak but she understands Song Lan better than anyone because of their shared pain. Despite her curiosity to find out how he would make love to her she sits up and wraps her arms around him. She wants to tell him. "Everything is okay. I know what you're feeling. I don’t blame you for failing to protect Xiao Xingchen. It doesn't matter how you look; I know what is in your soul." But she can’t so instead her long slight fingers just reach around his head and her other arm around his body and she holds him for a long, painful moment while Song Lan feels all the shame and pain and anger, he has bottled up inside him. The air is heavy with Song Lan's intense resentment and hurt. The sun begins to set and the stars are coming out one by one. Jing hums.<br/>"I gaze up at the stars with my love with my love<br/>Tell me eyes in the sky what do you see?<br/>Do you see the gaze of my love of my love?<br/>The only one dearest to me<br/>Send me a star just once for my love<br/>A promise that you'll watch over me<br/>And give me all of his love, until death and beyond<br/>Then we will live forever in the sky happily."<br/>He slowly releases his fingers from her entangled hair and pulls her close to his chest. They lay down on the grass looking up at the stars between the soft green leaves. Jing rests her head on his shoulder and hums pointing up at whatever star she likes best. Song Lan pauses at random moments just to hug her and bring her closer to his body. Sometimes they both just laugh at random things without even speaking. They know what each other mean. Song Lan closes his eyes, the warmth of a human being so close to him just overwhelms him with happiness and he almost feels okay.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Bathing Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They do it in this chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Jing ran out Xiao Xingchen went in to bathe. While he was bathing the GusuLan disciples came and collected their dirty clothes to wash them. He wasn’t in there for long since he kept wondering where Song Lan and Jing went off to. Xue Yang sat there, twiddling his thumbs and trying to picture Xiao Xingchen naked in the bath. He's surprised when Xiao Xingchen comes out, he's only wearing a robe since he couldn't find the clothes they left for him in the room of many towels and sheets and blankets. Xue Yang swallows hard at the sight of him. His collarbones showing and his damp hair falling over the white robe making it just a little bit see through.<br/>"Is Song Lan back yet?" He says staying near the private room's door.<br/>"N...no," says Xue Yang stumbling over his words trying to regain composure. "Jing left after him so they probably won’t be back for awhile."<br/>Xiao Xingchen looks confused.<br/>"You didn’t notice? And you call yourselves best friends? You let him see you undressed and yet you didn’t know about his crush?" Xue Yang grins.<br/>Xiao Xingchen looks pained. "I... I can’t see him and I cant talk to him."<br/>Xue Yang sighs. How can Xiao Xingchen always make him feel so guilty and bad about himself?<br/>"I can help you. Just open the door wide and I'll tell you where the clothes are hung up so you can finish getting dressed."<br/>Xiao Xingchen's face softens. He is incredibly uncomfortable being dressed in this way. Despite Xue Yang's obvious desire to see him in such a state he is still willing to help him. He opens the door for Xue Yang to look into and he tells him where Xiao Xingchen's robes are hanging in the bathing room. Xiao Xingchen closes the door and then comes out dressed in loose fitting clothes and the robe over it. He still looks beautiful with his damp undone hair framing his gentle features. He sweeps over to the couch and sits back down. Xue Yang stares at him.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, you're so beautiful," says Xue Yang resting his head on his knees so he can comfortably stare at him.<br/>Xiao Xingchen blushes and tries to conceal a smile making him so unbelievably cute Xue Yang could burst from looking at him.<br/>The two of them sit in silence for awhile until Xiao Xingchen really does believe that they aren’t returning for awhile.<br/>"Do you think they are alright?" Asks Xiao Xingchen despite himself.<br/>"We're in Gusu. Of course they're fine. They're probably fucking under some tree where they think nobody is looking," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen frowns. "Jing is a child," he says.<br/>"Jing is a grown woman she just acts like a child because that's how you treat her," says Xue Yang. "Remember time passed while you were dead."<br/>Xiao Xingchen hangs his head. "I forgot..." he says. "You really think those two have, um, feelings for each other?" He doesn’t know why he is asking Xue Yang this but he can’t see and his trust in Xue Yang has been increasing despite himself.<br/>"They went off by themselves the other night before we got here and came back in the morning and have been stealing glances at each other ever since," he says carelessly. "Its their business. I don’t care about the love affairs of other people." He leans up against his post and shifts, thinking how uncomfortable he is. "Xiao Xingchen, could you loosen me a bit from this post so I could at least lie down."<br/>"Oh!" Says Xiao Xingchen. "I didn’t realize you had been bound to it at all. I'm sorry," he goes over to him and cuts the rope from the post allowing him to move around freely in the room. Xue Yang straightens and stands to his feet. "Thank you," immediately he goes to the bathing room and jumps into the tub clothes and all. Xiao Xingchen starts and goes after him.<br/>"Xue Yang!" He exclaims. Water is all over the floor, towels are strewn everywhere from Xiao Xingchen's search for clothes and Xue Yang is leaning up against the edge of the tub fully clothed, absolutely soaked and grinning from ear to ear.<br/>"What am I supposed to do with you?" Says Xiao Xingchen utterly perplexed.<br/>"Xiao Xingcheeenn," Xue Yang whines. "The water hurts my wrists because they're so raw from the ropes."<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs. "You did this to yourself."<br/>"If I get out in my soaking clothes, I'll get water everywhere."<br/>"I'm well aware! That's exactly why you did it," says Xiao Xingchen sharply.<br/>Xue Yang smiles up at him. "Xiao Xingchen, you're so beautiful."<br/>Xiao Xingchen exhales slowly trying to contain his anger. How does this man manage to get to him so easily?<br/>He kneels down and cuts the rope with his knife. "Don’t you dare try anything. We are in the GusuLan sect you'd be overpowered immediately."<br/>"That would depend on what you mean by try anything," he replies unable to stop himself from grinning even for a moment. He takes off his soaked clothes and dumps them beside the tub.<br/>"Ah, it feels so nice to get clean. I really got used to it when I lived in the LanlingJin clan you know," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs. "You are impossible, Xue Yang."<br/>He sits beside the tub, careful to listen to any sudden movements Xue Yang might make while he is unbound. Xue Yang enjoys the attention putting his head against the tub near Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen,"<br/>He sighs. "Yes."<br/>"I love you," says Xue Yang, his wet hair falling over the edge of the tub. His muscular shoulders edging closer to him so that he's almost touching Xiao Xingchen's as he leans against the tub waiting for him to finish. He gets so much delight from the fact that Xiao Xingchen is in the same room as him while he is bathing.<br/>Xiao Xingchen shakes his head. "I don’t know how I managed to score the undivided heart of a wild and murderous delinquent."<br/>Xue Yang smiles and bumps him with his shoulder. "I'm deeply hurt by your opinion of me," he laughs.<br/>"I don’t know how you can take this so lightly," snaps Xiao Xingchen. "I'm still going to kill you."<br/>Xue Yang rolls his eyes. "Why don’t we talk about something else then," he says. "Do you want to know when I first started to like you?"<br/>"No," replies Xiao Xingchen. He pauses. "But I would like to know why."<br/>"Oh, that's simple. You're the first person I've met since my parents who was kind to me," he replies simply. "They died before I remembered and I grew up on the street, like I told you in that one story about the candy. As I became a powerful cultivator everyone wanted my powers but then they'd cast me out when I wasn’t useful to them anymore. After the Jin clan threw me out and nearly beat me to death you took me in and took care of me. I didn’t understand how I felt all I knew was I never wanted you to know who I was and I never wanted anyone to come between us. We both know how that worked out. So after you were gone, I swore to myself if I brought you back I wouldn’t let you regret showing kindness to me anymore and I would make you mine."<br/>Xiao Xingchen is silent, his face deep in thought. "I'm sure there were others who were kind to you," he says, his voice a little shaky.<br/>Xue Yang shakes his head. "No, everyone was either afraid of me, wanted to use me for something, or wanted to kill me. Sometimes all three. You're the only person to just treat me like a person since the death of my parents."<br/>"That cant be right," he insists.<br/>Xue Yang shrugs carelessly. "I was an orphan too you know. And I wasn’t so lucky as to be picked up by Baoshan Sanren to live in the mountains and cultivate with other little orphan friends."<br/>Xiao Xingchen looks down. "I don’t remember as much because some of my memories are still scattered since I scattered my soul, but I don’t think life there was as wonderful as you imagine it to be."<br/>"At least someone wanted you," he says. "At least someone, at least one person, has always wanted you," he says leaning his head against the ledge of the wooden tub in the center of the room. "At least someone has always liked you and thought you were good company."<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs. "Those two years we spent together..."<br/>"Were the only happy years of my entire life, just because of you," Xue Yang finishes. "Now do you understand why I'm so determined to win your affection back? It's the only thing in my meaningless ugly life that's meant anything to me."<br/>Xiao feels deeply saddened thinking of a young Xue Yang orphaned and treated scornfully by anyone and everyone. And then used by powerful evil men to further their agendas. No wonder he grew up with no value for human life. Every human he had ever known must have been scum. "I wonder...." he pauses. Xue Yang puts his head onto Xiao Xingchen's shoulder which he doesn’t brush away to his surprise. "I wonder what would have happened if you had been picked up instead of me."<br/>Xue Yang smiles bashfully. "I would leave as soon as my legs were long enough to carry me and then I'd meet you and we would become best friends, and then we would become cultivation partners once we got older and eradicate evil travelling around as wandering cultivators."<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs out-loud, not in scorn but in sheer happiness at that dream. "Sounds beautiful."<br/>Xue Yang leans his head more on Xiao Xingchen's shoulder. Xiao Xingchen plays with his sleeve with his fingers leaning up against the tub with his back facing Xue Yang while Xue Yang's wet hair drips over his shoulder onto his nice clean dry clothes.<br/>"While we lived together you never told me your name," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Xue Yang," he chuckles.<br/>"No, your courtesy name."<br/>"Chengmei," he says softly right by his ear.<br/>"To complete something beautifully," says Xiao Xingchen in a warm gentle tone. "That's a nice name. Have you completed anything beautifully yet?"<br/>Xue Yang blushes. "Not yet. I'd like to complete you beautifully though, someday if you'll let me."<br/>Xiao Xingchen leans his head up against the tub feeling the weight of all the years and struggle down on him. In this moment Xue Yang seems like a broken lost child, nothing like the villain he remembers in his head. The whole world is so dark, quick to turn good into evil and that evil will in turn do the same to the good again. Those who maintain their morality will often end up dead just as he and Song Lan had. His kindness may have saved Xue Yang's soul but it cannot redeem his past or avenge those who made him into the murderous insane man he is, while he is yet desperate and begging for a small token of kindness from any who will consider him human.<br/>"You know I am a man of principles. Whether my principles mean anything to anyone or not. How could you bear to be with someone so boring and moral?" He says softly.<br/>Xue Yang buries his face into his shoulder breathing in his scent and letting that warm shoulder envelope all his deep hurt and anger he feels for the world. "You make me feel free and safe," he says his words muffled by Xiao Xingchen's shoulder. "Other people look a little bit less ugly when you're around too," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen's heart melts. He puts his hand up to feel Xue Yang's hair. Xue Yang collapses even more onto his shoulder. Xiao Xingchen kisses the head gently on the side and Xue Yang trembles a little. The bathwater was cold now but he doesn’t notice he is too enamored by Xiao Xingchen who wanted to know his courtesy name.<br/>"Chengmei," he says gently into his ear. Xue Yang tenses up getting chills all over his body. He turns and lifts his chin up, kissing him long and deeply. Xue Yang feels such a surge of uncontrollable emotions tears spring into his eyes and start to flood down his face. Xiao Xingchen kisses him deeper allowing himself to crave the open mouth of this broken and weeping man. He pulls him into his arms embracing him. Xue Yang continues to weep and pushes himself towards Xiao Xingchen. He picks him up out of the tub and drags him down onto the towels strewn all over the floor. Xue Yang's eyes are blurry but he can make out the gentle man in white and blue leaning over him and kissing his lips like he could suck out all his pain and anger at once. In fact, he is almost convinced he can. Xiao Xingchen touches his hair with his long pale fingers. Xue Yang's heart pounds and he can’t stop himself from crying. He feels embarrassed to be crying in front of the man he tries so hard to seduce but he can’t help it. Xiao Xingchen holds a power over him that none other ever could. He can melt him in a moment and make him weak with one gesture. Xiao Xingchen leans over him and kisses him again and again interrupting his sobs with long, deep kisses. His knee is between his legs and Xue Yang can’t help but open them for him. His arms lay limp on his sides. He tries so hard to stop crying but he can’t. Its impossible. Xiao Xingchen is touching him, not touching him because he is threatened or messed up. He isn’t ashamed of his desires for him. He is kissing him with an honest passion and genuine affection. Xue Yang can't contain his unbearable feelings of relief, happiness, regret and warmth. Xiao Xingchen touches his chest, his side, his waist, his hip, his thigh. He moans.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen," he heaves. "Ah, Xiao Xingchen."<br/>"Yes," he replies taking a pause from kissing the crevice between his neck and his shoulder.<br/>"I....I..." he starts to cry again.<br/>Xiao Xingchen takes off his robe and undoes his belt so Xue Yang can see his thin but toned body while his sleeves are still in, but slowly slipping down his shoulders. Xue Yang's eyes take in the sight before they blur with tears again.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen," he says trembling. "Ah!" He cries out as Xiao Xingchens fingers travel down to his member.<br/>"Yes?" He whispers into his ear. Sending chills up and down his spine.<br/>"I love you, Xiao Xingchen," he says, trying to swallow down his sobs. "You can’t possibly know how much I love you."<br/>Xiao Xingchen slips his fingers under and into the hole. He cries out in surprise but even louder when Xiao Xingchen pushes his entire member into him and covers his mouth to keep him from screaming. Waves of intense pain come over him and he cries even harder, this time from pain as Xiao Xingchen pushes him into the ground. The pain gradually gives way to pleasure and even that becomes unbearable he cums but that offers him no relief as Xiao Xingchen continues to nail him harder and harder and faster and faster. Covering his mouth anytime he gets loud and running his hands all over Xue Yang's body until he’s dizzy trying to keep track of the sensations. Finally, Xiao Xingchen let's out a sharp cry and it's over. Xue Yang whimpers. Relieved that it's over yet so incredibly disappointed.<br/>"You're so strong, Xiao Xingchen," he says shaky.<br/>Xiao picks up a towel and lays it on top of him. "Can you clean yourself up?" He asks.<br/>Xue Yang struggles to get up but falls back down. "You fucked me pretty hard, Xiao Xingchen. Not that I'm complaining, but...."<br/>He picks him up and puts him back in the tub allowing him to rinse himself. He takes a clean towel and dries him off then wraps the last robe around him. Xue Yang bumps his head against Xiao Xingchen's chest as he puts him down onto the bed. Xiao Xingchen can’t help but smile.<br/>"When did you turn from a terrifying murderous villain into a cute little kid?" He says drying his hair with a towel. Xue Yang beams.<br/>"I love you, Xiao Xingchen," he repeats bumping his head against him again. Xiao Xingchen ties his clothes together again and stands to his feet, his fingers lingering on his hair. That was a wonderful feeling. He can’t help but admit how good it felt to be so adored, so wanted. And Xue Yang possesses a strange form of cuteness. ‘you make me feel free and safe,’ he remembers. That was the line that got him. What made him lose control. How much he wanted him. An intense feeling of dread and regret overcomes him when he realizes he is neither freeing or safe to Xue Yang. How he wants to just take the broken man who seems just like a kid to him and hold him and protect him and teach him how to love. But all he’s done is give in to his desires and use his fragile prisoners body for his own satisfaction. Tears spring into his eyes. He did the worst thing imaginable. He made love, he didn't just fuck, he made love to a man he must kill. Somewhere between Yi city and Gusu he fell in love with this sad and terrifying man and now he’s forsaken every moral he ever had. He covers his mouth as he feels his blindfold getting stained. Xue Yang watches his beloved Taoist’s face change from pleasant to dark. He knows exactly what he is thinking. Now might be the moment to tell him its impossible for them to separate. But even now, if he were to find that out, he would only torture himself more. Possibly even decide they both must die together while he sits nearby him with his bleeding eyes and fragile spirit. Xue Yang's heart burns. Moral people are so frustrating.<br/>"It's okay, Xiao Xingchen," he says softly.<br/>Xiao Xingchen shakes his head. "Its not, okay. I'm despicable! How could I do such a thing to you? How could I do this to myself?" He covers his blindfold quickly with his hands to make sure Xue Yang wouldn't see the blood.<br/>Xue Yang's heart aches at the perpetual consideration Xiao Xingchen shows him. "You're perfect, Xiao Xingchen. In absolutely every way. There's nothing you can do that will convince me otherwise. You're so perfect it drives me insane."<br/>Xiao Xingchen stands to his feet. "I'm so sorry, Xue Yang. There's nothing you can say that will convince me that making love to a man I must condemn is justifiable." He turns to leave<br/>"If I'd never killed, would you love me?" He yells at him as he walks to the door, his eyes filling with angry tears.<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs. "I already love you, Xue Yang. And I hate myself for it."<br/>He closes the door and locks it behind him leaving Xue Yang alone with his tears. Xiao Xingchen falls down against the door and starts to sob freely, allowing his blood tears to stain his white blindfold. Xue Yang crawls to the door and puts his hand on it.<br/>"I know you're crying," he says through his own angry sobs. "I know your blindfold is all red now and you're all alone and you're angry at yourself because I'm such a despicable person to love!" He screams. "I know I am! I know I'm disgusting. I know I chose the kindest and bravest and most beautiful man when I'm the lowest scum there is. I don't presume to deserve you." He cries harder. "I know it's wrong." His whole body is shaking. "I don’t know how I still think I have the right to your affection or your kindness. Not after everything I did to you but I still want it!" He cries through the door. "And that's what makes me the most disgusting person in existence. I only ever bring you down. I only ever make you feel ashamed of yourself. If I could die, without you being harmed, I promise I'd do it in a minute." He falls onto the floor sobbing angry gut-wrenching cries. Xiao Xingchen cries with the same intensity on the other side. "I'm sorry, Xue Yang. I'm sorry Xue Yang," he keeps repeating, desperate to open the door to him but knowing the sight of him would only torture Xue Yang more. They cry until they are both spent and fall asleep on either side of the door.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Hope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Song Lan finds Xiao Xingchen sleeping on the floor with a bloody blindfold. He kicks himself for leaving Xiao Xingchen for an entire night while he stargazed with Jing in his arms. What was he thinking leaving him alone with Xue Yang for so long? Kneeling down to him he shakes him gently.<br/>"Song Lan..." he mumbles looking up at the face of his friend. He buries his head into Song Lan's chest. "Song Lan I did a despicable thing." His shoulders tremble in his sobs. "You're going to hate me forever and... he doesn’t even deserve this... I don’t know what I was thinking."<br/>Song Lan pulls Xiao Xingchen away holding him by his shoulders to look at him. Xiao Xingchen is hysteric the moment he woke up. He looks terrible. His face is covered in blood and his white clothes are stained with it too. His hair is tangled and everywhere and he continues to shake in uncontrollable sobs.<br/>Jing walks in to see the two on the floor and immediately regrets being out all night as well.<br/>"I slept with him, Song Lan," he cries harder. "I don’t know what I was thinking. It wasn’t even to hurt him or to make him stop talking about it. I wanted to. I wanted to sleep with him. I'm in love with a villain, Song Lan. Only villains kill those they make love to..." he dissolves into red tears.<br/>Song Lan is stunned. He hates Xue Yang with everything he is. And when he doesn’t, he considers him an annoying dog constantly barking for Xiao Xingchen's attention. He knew Xiao Xingchen was developing feelings for Xue Yang but he thought his friend had more brains in his head than to sleep with him. He drops his hands to his sides and stares at Xiao Xingchen in shock.<br/>"I'm sorry, Song Lan. I'm sorry, this is all my fault. Everything is my fault."<br/>Song Lan pauses in his annoyance and frustration. This is the man who gave up his own eyes so he could see. The man who carried him on his back for days to try and save him. But he just spurned him and allowed him to fall into Xue Yang's hands as he did. He reaches over and touches Xiao Xingchen's blindfold. He has suffered so deeply for the sake of everyone else and he still blames himself. He touches his blindfold with his hand and unties it.<br/>Jing, although somewhat annoyed at seeing Xiao Xingchen in such a state, finds a towel and a rag to rip into a clean blindfold for him. He washes his face and replaces his blindfold.<br/>"Jing, could you check on Xue Yang for me. I locked him in the other room. I don't think I can face him yet," he asks humbly. She nods and goes into the epically trashed bathing room.<br/>Her eyes widen when she sees that not only is Xue Yang not there but the window is smashed. He escaped. But why? He can’t go far? She runs out but runs right into a Lan disciple.<br/>"Clan leader Lan Xichen has returned and would like to see you three," he says bowing respectfully.<br/>Xiao Xingchen gathers himself up and follows. Song Lan does the same. Jing chases after them and motions to Song Lan that something is wrong but he can’t understand her, his mind too preoccupied with Xiao Xingchen. Once they reach Lan Xichen's private room she finally finds a piece of paper on his desk and hurriedly scrawls out the words.<br/>"Xue Yang is gone."<br/>Lan Xichen looks at the piece of paper and puts his hand on her shoulder. "There is nothing to worry about, lady Jing. Everything is under control," he says in an even tone.<br/>She bites her lip. He must have been found but why doesn’t he want Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan knowing that Xue Yang is missing? She frowns. She isn’t about to just let some important clan leader cultivator man tell her what she can or cannot tell her dearest friend and her lover. She picks up the piece of paper and puts it in Song Lan's face. His eyes widen.<br/>Lan Xichen frowns. "Its nothing to be alarmed about, friends. Xue Yang simply asked Lan Qiren if he could do some study around morality. We thought it best to guide him out of his demonic practices."<br/>Xiao Xingchen frowns. "Why didn’t he tell me before he left?" He says. "Its unlike him to disappear like this."<br/>Lan Xichen sighs. "He seemed distressed so we thought best not to pry."<br/>"You are being oddly gracious to a condemned murderer," says Xiao Xingchen, hating the feeling that he is being deceived and is unable to do anything about it. "Song Lan, don’t give him the tool," he says in sudden fear. "They might be trying to separate Xue Yang and I without my knowing it and then execute him themselves," he reaches for Song Lan's arm. "I swore to him I'd be the one to end him I can’t break that promise now. I can’t be so weak," he trembles. "I have to face him myself. I owe him that."<br/>Song Lan allows Xiao Xingchen to grip his arm. The sunlight streams in through soft translucent curtains and reflects off Lan Xichen's strong jawline and warm expression of kindness.<br/>"I assure you, Xiao Xingchen, Xue Yang is your prisoner. We would most certainly not execute him without your consent. That does, however bring up the topic that I had called to discuss with you."<br/>He says. A few disciples bring in a tray of tea on the table and Lan Xichen sits down. "Please, sit." He says opening his arms wide to invite them. Xiao Xingchen stays close to Song Lan, feeling anxious despite Lan Xichen's reassurances.<br/>"Hanguang Jun and Wei Wuxian informed me of your situation," he says. "Along with some of our juniors who seemed very passionate about the story," he smiles. "The GusuLan clan is anxious to help with this tricky situation. Now, may I see that tool Wei Wuxian told you to get at the Burial Mounds?"<br/>Song Lan looks at Xiao Xingchen and then at Lan Xichen. Slowly he reaches into his clothes and pulls it out, passing it over the small table where they are sitting cross legged on sitting mats.<br/>Lan Xichen takes it and moves it around in his hand a few times. A yellow light, almost like sunlight starts to emit from the edges of it. It is beautiful. He sighs.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, I'm afraid you have been deceived."<br/>Xiao Xingchen's heart starts to beat rapidly in fear.<br/>"This tool does not have the spiritual power to restore the missing fragments of your soul," he says. "It's for soul calming. My brother must have given something like this to Wei Wuxian many years ago and he fashioned it into this tool to use in case he was overwhelmed by resentful energy while cultivating the ghost path."<br/>Xiao Xingchen exhales. Feeling like a thousand burdens lifted off of him at once.<br/>Song Lan takes the pen and proceeds to write.<br/>"Oh, I apologize, Song Lan. I had forgotten to provide you with something I thought you might use." He puts his hand out holding a pen and a blank talisman. "Write whatever you wish on a blank talisman with this pen and direct it to the people you wish to receive it within a 10-mile distance and they will hear your message instead of needing to read it."<br/>Song Lan's eyes brighten. He takes it, bowing multiple times still sitting in his place beside Xiao Xingchen. He can’t stop smiling.<br/>"It is often used for sending quick messages in a battlefield between men but I thought you could make good use of it," says Lan Xichen.<br/>Song Lan could burst. He can finally talk to his best friend. He hurriedly writes down a message. First the things he always wanted to say, then he will proceed talking about Xue Yang's case with Lan Xichen after he has gotten everything off his chest. Jing smiles, happily but she's a little bit jealous and wishes she could cultivate and do cool things like that too.<br/>"I don’t blame you for anything, Xiao Xingchen. I blame myself for leaving you when I did. I'm deeply sorry. None of anything is your fault. I'm sorry I never understand you and why you feel the way you do but I wont ever leave your side again as long as you want me with you." He writes and points it at Xiao Xingchen beside him. Xiao Xingchen covers his mouth to keep from crying. He nods.<br/>"Thank you, Song Lan. You are too kind to me," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Jing sighs loudly. She finds Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen a bit silly the way they constantly feel guilty for useless reasons.<br/>"Wei Wuxian wouldn't have sent us to find this if it could not be used for such a purpose," Song Lan writes, bringing the mood down suddenly.<br/>Lan Xichen sighs. "My brother spoke to me about this matter. Although this tool does have restorative abilities it would need 200 times more spiritual power to restore a fragmented soul. I'm deeply sorry."<br/>"Why would Wei Wuxian claim that it's possible?" Asks Xiao Xingchen. He had heard Wei Wuxian had his crafty tricks but he never thought he'd be one whose deceived by him.<br/>Lan Xichen looks down uncomfortably.<br/>"This is in no way intended to be discouraging and please believe that the GusuLan sect holds you and your companions with the highest regard. Xiao Xingchen..." he says slowly. "From what I was informed of by Hanguang Jun you were not in a good state."<br/>Xiao Xingchen feels his face going red. "So, he thought he could wave an apple in front of my face like a horse?" He snaps.<br/>"This was done entirely by Wei Wuxian. I only heard of it," says Lan Xichen quick to distance himself from the deception.<br/>Xiao Xingchen feels demoralized but also relieved. It's an uncomfortable mix of emotions. "Will you at least tell me where Xue Yang is then?" He snaps. "I am exhausted by all these deceptions."<br/>Lan Xichen opens his mouth and then closes it, realizing he is also guilty of keeping secrets from the Taoist. "Xue Yang specifically requested to be away from you for a few days," he admits. "Since you two will not be separated anytime soon we thought it best to comply with his request."<br/>Xiao Xingchen feels like he'd been struck. He had a fight with Xue Yang and certainly said some things that could have hurt him deeply but he didn’t think Xue Yang would take it so harshly. He was always so intent on being by his side whatever he did or said to him. He lowers his head in shame.<br/>"We can discuss further matters tomorrow after you three have spoken amongst yourselves and resolve on what you would like to do. I will be going into isolation in two days for meditation so you will have to speak with Lan Qiren after tomorrow about these matters."<br/>Song Lan nods and pulls Xiao Xingchen up to his feet. Jing follows them trying to make sense of everything that had just transpired. Now might not be a good time to tell Xiao Xingchen that she wants to get married to his best friend.</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Xue Yang and the Lan Clan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An interesting combination</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xue Yang did in fact ask the Lan clan not to inform Xiao Xingchen of his whereabouts, although not because of their fight. Once Xiao Xingchen fell asleep Xue Yang broke the window, slicing his hand on his way out. The darkness made it possible for him to easily sneak through Cloud Recesses. It took him awhile to figure out where everything was but after softly alighting from one roof to another in the cool mountain air guided by the moonlight, he found Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen in a private room in the main hall, discussing clan matters. He slipped in through the window and appeared before them in the room, stepping on a table and just barely avoiding a vase with a flower in it. Lan Xichen immediately draws his sword and points it to Xue Yang's throat.<br/>He puts his hands up. "Relax, I'm entirely unarmed and could no way compete with the spiritual power of two experienced clan leaders." He grins.<br/>Lan Xichen's hair is slightly unkempt, just enough to betray his exhaustion and his eyes are troubled and tired. "How did you escape Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan?" He asks.<br/>"I don’t think you want to know," he laughs.<br/>Lan Xichen throws him down to the ground.<br/>"I climbed out of a window," he says. "Here I though your Lan sect was averse to using unnecessary force."<br/>Lan Qiren stands up from his place in the middle of the room and approaches the two, growling under his breath.<br/>"So, what are you here for? State your business quickly. Then you will be punished for breaking curfew and sent back."<br/>Xue Yang looks up at Lan Qiren with a sly smile. "You pride yourself on being a just, and moral man, do you not?"<br/>He says. Lan Xichen frowns.<br/>"We do not wish to play your games, Xue Yang."<br/>"It isn’t a game, this time," he says still grinning. "I am simply here to find two men who Xiao Xingchen would consider fair by his standards."<br/>Lan Xichen looks at Lan Qiren perplexed.<br/>"Why would Xiao Xingchen's standards matter to you?"<br/>"Ah, well you see. It is no secret that I have personal feelings for Xiao Xingchen. That much was made known after he came back to life. As our time together has continued Xiao Xingchen has...let me say indicated he returns my feelings," he chuckles. Lan Quren scowls. "The problem is, Xiao Xingchen tortures himself because my existence means all my many exploits go unpunished and my victims remain unsatisfied. But if I die, Xiao Xingchen also dies. You see my dilemma."<br/>"I don't see how this problem relates to us," says Lan Xichen tentatively.<br/>Xue Yang looks up at the two Lan sect leaders. "If you were to mete out punishment in a way that would not destroy either me nor Xiao Xingchen but also could still satisfy him, he will be able to return my affections wholeheartedly."<br/>Lan Qiren humphs. "And why would we do such a thing for you? You are Xiao Xingchen's prisoner. Why should we accept such a request?”<br/>Xue Yang sighs. "You are a righteous sect!" He exclaims. "Don’t you pride yourself in helping the oppressed and unprotected? Xiao Xingchen, cannot stand the sound of any living thing suffering, even the thought of it troubles him. Once he realizes it is impossible for us to separate, he will consider ending his life again for the sake of his precious confounded justice regardless of even his own feelings about it! Isn’t that an injustice that you should be trying to avoid? A righteous man dying for the crimes of a murderous delinquent when it could be so easily prevented."<br/>Lan Xichen stares down at Xue Yang and shakes his head in exasperation. "You don’t think you deserve punishment you are simply trying to play a game with Xiao Xingchen's morality."<br/>Lan Qiren puts his hand up. "Xue Yang speaks truth. Despite his motivations behind coming to us the burden of punishing his excessive crimes would be a heavy load for Xiao Xingchen to bear."<br/>Xue Yang puts his chin up and nods, suddenly realizing what he is doing. He bites his lip in nervousness but quickly covers it up with his devil may care grin.<br/>"One thing, Xiao Xingchen must not know of this or it will all be wasted. He will be angry that another has meted out my punishment and will stop it before you are satisfied or will go mad at the sound of my screams..." he slows his speech realizing what he might be getting himself into. His heart starts to pound. Lan Xichen's face softens but Lan Qiren remains hard as a stone.<br/>"Enough of seeing goodness in villains, Xichen," snaps Lan Qiren. "Find me two disciples older than 20, then replace them with another after three hours."<br/>"Three hours?" Says Lan Xichen. "Then, more...?" He trails off.<br/>"As expected from the man who wouldn’t even spare his own beloved nephew," Xue Yang laughs, an incessant, grating laugh. "You are truly immovable!"<br/>"Xue Yang, shut up," he says striking him across the face. Xue Yang bites his lip. He has suffered many things before in his life. He was beaten nearly to death by the Jin clan before he was picked up by Xiao Xingchen. His resolve must not falter.<br/>A smile threatens Lan Qiren's lips. "We will stop your punishment any moment you ask but that will be the proof of how weak and selfish your feelings for Xiao Xingchen are."<br/>Xue Yang's eyes widen in horror. That is cruel. He looks up at him in shock. "That's not fair!"<br/>"Its more than fair. I'd like to see how much an insane demonic cultivator can love a righteous man," he grunts. Two disciples appear and take him away to the house beside Xiao Xingchen's. A barrier is put around it to keep his screams from reaching Xiao Xingchen's ears and his presence impossible for him to sense. He is left alone with two Lan clan disciples who carry severe expressions and heavy wood batons.<br/>"This is for Yi City," says one of the disciples. Putting down a jar on the ledge of the window with closed black curtains. Xue Yang notices blood on the wooden floor already. This is their discipline room. He realizes. There is no furniture. Just empty space, one glowing red jar at the window and two disciples.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Where's Xue Yang?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xiao Xingchen returns to their house feeling deeply disheartened. Song Lan sits down on the floor across from him. He writes down and points the talisman at him.<br/>"What do you want to do?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs. "The GusuLan clan's hospitality is flawless and their concern for our situation is clear but I find clan life to be distasteful. Everyone is so intent on helping me and protecting me and preserving my feelings like I'm some fragile paper doll."<br/>Song Lan writes. "What about Xue Yang?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen covers his face with his hands. "He must be punished somehow. His crimes are so severe. I don't know how I will bear to even hear his screams let alone mete it out."<br/>Song Lan frowns. "I can do it. I don’t care about his opinion."<br/>Xiao Xingchen chuckles. "True, but that only displays how weak I am if I allow you to do that for me."<br/>Song Lan shrugs. "Xue Yang wronged me greatly too. I am your best friend. Please allow me to help you. Even if I only lessen your pain a little bit."<br/>Xiao Xingchen nods biting his lip trying not to imagine Xue Yang's screams after the man was already hurt so deeply by him that he asked the GusuLan clan to hide him away. What has he done? He exhales deeply.<br/>"Now, tell me about you and Jing."<br/>Jing's ears perk up and she steps closer to Song Lan.<br/>Song Lan looks down, embarrassed. His fingers shake a little as he writes down the words. "I've always admired her greatly. It wasn’t until our way out of the Burial Mounds that I entertained the idea she might consider me. I faintly remember her hand blocking my head from hitting the tree branch, when I was unconscious. She bruised it doing that and it was a completely unnecessary gesture. That night we looked up at the stars and sang. She understands me and gives me sound advice. I am amazed she likes me back and I have no idea why but I feel truly fortunate."<br/>Jing wishes she could hear what Song Lan had written to Xiao Xingchen but the paper dissolves the moment it’s sent. She frowns.<br/>Xiao Xingchen smiles. "I'm happy for you. I'll admit I was surprised and didnt believe it at first when Xue Yang told me, because...um..." he trailed off.<br/>Song Lan chuckles. "Because I'm dead?" He writes.<br/>Xiao Xingchen nods, hesitantly.<br/>"I was surprised she returns my feelings for that same reason," writes Song Lan.<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs. "I promised myself I could only give her away to the best man on earth. I could not have imagined a happier outcome."</p><p>After dark, as Jing slept and Song Lan sat beside her bed, fashioning a flute with a carving knife, Xiao Xingchen sneaks outside. He jumps from rooftop to rooftop in the moonlight just as Xue Yang had done the night before. Where would Xue Yang go to? He has to talk to him. Why wont they let him talk to him. He is, after all, his prisoner. Did Xue Yang tell them they slept together so the Lan clan thought it best to separate them to give him time to think about what he had done. Ugh, he hates this so much. He hates this feeling. He hates having things hidden from him. Everyone whispering secrets while he just stands there silently. He said some cruel things to Xue Yang. Even though others might not have forgiven Xue Yang he knows in his heart that he has. Over time Xue Yang has turned from a disgusting angry psychopath into a mischievous yet helpless child in his mind. Twice he proved his love for him was stronger than even his own desire to live and all he did was fuck him and then reject him like a discarded rag. He told him he was ashamed of his love for him. Xiao Xingchen shudders. Why would he say such a thing? Why would he make love with him to begin with? And it's even worse now he has and has to listen to him be punished mercilessly for his crimes. His heart pounds. He has to find him. He has to apologize. Everything got so out of control. He knew better than to exploit the feelings of such a desperate man yet he still did and now they will all pay for it. Oh, but the smell of his hair. That desperate longing Xue Yang has at the tips of his fingers, the feeling of breath when he buries his face into his shoulder. Xue Yang is addicting, there is no way around it. His furious rage that calms the moment his fingers touch him. His shameless flirting and absolute surrender to him as soon as Xiao Xingchen succumbs to his pleas. A hungry man. A desperate man. A beautiful man. The kind of man who would do anything for him and wouldn’t think twice. Just because he was kind to him for a time. Xue Yang's hatred runs deep but so does his love. Xiao Xingchen alights on a tree listening carefully for the sound of Xue Yang's mocking voice he uses when he is speaking to anyone except for him. He feels chills go down his spine. Oh, how badly he wants to pull him into his arms. Would he succumb to him again? After what he said to him? After what he did? Or would he resist? Xiao Xingchen exhales. Even the thought of him resisting makes his heart pound inside him. What has become of the noble Taoist he thought he was? He starts to feel weak as he ventures near the edge of Cloud Recesses. Xiao Xingchen follows the feeling, testing the boundary to see if he can at least find the line of where Xue Yang most certainly is not.</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. A Lonely Musician</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is sad</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xue Yang felt it the moment Xiao Xingchen neared the distance boundary. They can only have about a mile between them or else they start to weaken. It's the middle of the night. Xiao Xingchen must have snuck out to look for him.<br/>"Go back to bed, Xiao Xingchen," he whispers through parched lips. "I'll be closer to you that way."<br/>He had been beaten with a continual thud with heavy batons until nightfall then left on the ground covered in bruises. He doesn’t even know how many of his bones have been broken but he can’t breathe without a sharp pain in his ribs and he cant lift his arms or legs. Its impossible to fall asleep he is in so much pain. He waits silently wondering if Xiao Xingchen will be able to find him. Wondering if he wants him to. He shouldn’t want him to, but Xiao Xingchen is the only person he can think of whenever he is in pain, or feels alone, or trapped, or lost, or scared. A big tear rolls down his face. No, he has to be strong. He has to do this. Xiao Xingchen will cry those horrible blood tears if he hears him crying out as they beat him. He can’t let that happen. He has to protect Xiao Xingchen for once. He has to make up for all the things he did to him. Then Xiao Xingchen won’t hate himself for loving him. He just wants Xiao Xingchen not to hate himself for loving him.<br/>"My soul's that of a lonely musician<br/>A solitary wanderer am I<br/>If you come close enough you can listen<br/>To my faint empty tunes and my sighs<br/>My life is a tale, with no ending<br/>No one knew the day that I died<br/>I am not a stranger worth befriending<br/>Just let my song be your companion as you cry."<br/>Xue Yang hears the gentle voice of Xiao Xingchen nearby. He must be returning as the clan is starting to rise for the day.<br/>"You tell me you want to love me<br/>My mind is haunted by your cries<br/>But my path is the path of the lonely<br/>Would you follow me till the day that I die?<br/>So I ask can I be your life your everything<br/>If I can’t then please pass me by<br/>And I will be a lonely musician<br/>With a love song no one knows of but I."<br/>Xue Yang's heart burns within him. He wishes he could respond but there's a barrier between them and Xiao Xingchen won’t be able to hear a word he says. He can bear this. He just has to bear it a little longer than Xiao Xingchen can love him and he will love him with every fiber of his being. The righteous, the flawless the beautiful Xiao Xingchen might accept him. He won’t be screaming at a wall trying to make it love him. His body trembles with faint sobs, the pain is unbearable at every movement he makes.<br/>"I am a lonely musician<br/>With a love song no one knows of but I."<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, sir, it is very early. Hardly daybreak," a voice from outside the house says.<br/>"Sorry, I just got up to get some fresh air. I hope I did not break your curfew rules," lies Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Oh no, no you didn’t, it is 5 in the morning when Lan disciples rise." the man says.<br/>"Then I will go wash my face and prepare for breakfast," says Xiao Xingchen. A few minutes pass and the door opens. Its Lan Qiren along with two other disciples. He puts a lid on the jar with the red glow and takes out another one putting it on the ledge beside it.<br/>Xue Yang shudders when he sees what is in the hands of the Lan disciples. Scorpion whips. These whips burn the skin for nearly half an hour afterwards. He swallows hard. He lifts his head up to see a brand in one of the disciple’s hands. He cringes in anticipatory pain.<br/>"Strip him," says Lan Qiren. "This is for the Cheng clan," he says and walks out, closing the door behind him.<br/>The disciples maintain solemn expressions while they strip him naked and whip his chest, arms and legs with the scorpion whips. Xue Yang can’t control the shrieks that come out of his mouth as the whip burns his skin and rips it apart. The pain is biting and hot. He feels like his entire body is on fire. His blood stains the ground. Still 1, 2, 1, 2 the disciples take turns whipping him leaving a few seconds in between so he will feel the pain each time before getting another one. His head feels dizzy and his throat is hoarse from shrieking out on pain. As the day wears on Lan Qiren appears again, this time with two different disciples. He puts another jar beside the other two. The disciples carry basins of water which they set beside each other.<br/>"This is for Snow Pavilion," says Lan Qiren. He leaves with the other two leaving him alone with the next disciples. They put his robe on him and carry him over to the water basins. He moans helplessly. "I can hardly breathe already," he chokes.<br/>The disciples don’t say anything. Lan disciples are raised not to be bloodthirsty so this job is by far a distasteful one to them. One man holds Xue Yang's limp body because he couldn’t stand since yesterday's beating, the other holds his head by his hair. They dunk his head underwater and hold it there until he starts to thrash around wildly then pull him out to breathe for a moment. Then they dunk his head into the next basin, this water is filled with bitter spices so it tastes disgusting. Xue Yang almost vomits when he is pulled up again. They continue this for awhile until they’re afraid he might bleed from an orifice because of the distress. They drop him onto the ground and he collapses, face first onto the dirt. He whimpers helplessly and cries onto the floor. Burning his skin and then drowning him was certainly an effective way to make him suffer. They strip him again and produce the brand. He trembles, this is too much. How can he bear this much longer? When will it be over? They burn his side with the brand and he screams with whatever voice he has left and then leave him like that for the night. Xue Yang cries onto the wooden floor, stained by his own blood. He tries to control his emotions and to keep from growing too distressed so Xiao Xingchen won’t get sick himself but it's nearly impossible.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen...." he whines. "Please find me soon. I can’t give up so please come save me..."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Lan JingYi's Gift</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>next chapter</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xiao Xingchen explores Cloud Recesses as much as he can trying to sense where Xue Yang was but every time he ends up back at the guest house, he and his party are staying in. He even tries searching their guest house in case Xue Yang hid behind or under something.<br/>"He will return when he wants to," writes Song Lan to Xiao Xingchen as he's checking under the bed for a trace of Xue Yang.<br/>"He isn’t far away from here, I know it," he sighs. "I should be able to hear him."<br/>"He's probably concealing himself from you," Song Lan writes.<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs. "How are the Lan disciples putting up with him for so long? He's an obnoxious person and everyone here is so well mannered."<br/>Song Lan chuckles, a low cackle in the back of his throat.<br/>"Something just feels off and I don’t know how to put my finger on it. The disciples are acting strange around me and I've been deceived enough times to be able to see it."<br/>Lan JingYi flies into the house breathing heavily. "Lady Jing, Lady Jing!"<br/>Jing, who was in the other room comes out to see what everything is around. Lan JingYi is grinning, unable to contain himself.<br/>"Hurry, hurry, Lan Sizhui is back!"<br/>Song Lan and Jing look at each other perplexed.<br/>"Come on!"<br/>Jing, Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen follow him. He's practically running, leading them through the beautiful gardens and stone paths to Lan Xichen's private quarters, where they had met him yesterday. He bursts through the door with more enthusiasm than every Lan disciple has been seen with in Cloud Recesses.<br/>"Lan JingYi, he will still be here if you walk slower," says Lan Xichen with a trace of a smile on his face. Lan Sizhui is standing behind him with a little box. Lan JingYi takes the box from him, bows to Jing and offers it to her.<br/>"Lady Jing, this is for you," he says, smiling proudly.<br/>She smiles shyly and Song Lan frowns. She let's out a cry when she sees what's inside. A small bloody severed something is sitting neatly in the brown wooden box about the size of Song Lan's fist.<br/>"What is it?" Asks Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Its a tongue!" Exclaims JingYi.<br/>Jing inhales sharply looking around the room wondering what that means.<br/>"After we left Yi City we asked Hanguang Jun and Wei Wuxian if there was any way for Lady Jing to speak again. Wei Wuxian told us the tongue of a female cultivator near her age would be fine since cultivators who grow up in sects have soul calming ceremonies when they are young so she wouldn’t become fierce and look for it."<br/>Jing grimaces at the gruesomeness of the explanation.<br/>"Obviously we couldn’t just kill a female cultivator and take her tongue but during the battle one of the cultivators got mortally wounded and Lan Sizhui tried to save her but she was too far gone. He asked if he could take her tongue after she died and she said yes!"<br/>"So Jing will be able to speak again?" Says Xiao Xingchen, his face beaming.<br/>"At first it will be awkward, like she is first learning how to speak but after she is used to the new tongue, yes, she will be able to speak again," replies Lan Xichen.<br/>Song Lan's eyes light up, hardly daring to believe it to be true. He will be able to talk to Jing. With his talismans and her tongue, they will be able to know what each other want and think and feel. He embraces her, hugging her tightly to his heart then picks her up and spins her. Her heart beats quickly. She’s a little bit nervous. It’s been years since she could speak and how will they put it in? Will it hurt? She pulls away from him and looks around for some paper. <br/>“How will it be put in?” she writes slowly in large awkward letters.<br/>"You will need to be put to sleep and one of our disciples trained in medicine will attach it for you. When you wake up you will have a tongue again," Lan Xichen smiles, almost genuinely.<br/>She nods, relieved she won’t have to be awake for the ordeal. A Lan disciple appears. Takes the tongue and motions for them to follow him.<br/>Jing pauses before she leaves. Turns and embraces JingYi and then Sizhui. Tears in her eyes. "Thank you! Thank you so much!" She thinks. They thought of her and went to so much trouble to help her just for the sake of it.<br/>Xiao Xingchen bows to them. "Thank you, good masters," he says. "Lan Xichen. You have been beyond gracious to us. Your clan from Hanguang Jun to the junior disciples live up to your clan's reputation of being just, kind, and fair. We are deeply indebted to you."<br/>The juniors beam. "We thought it only right that you should live happily, Lady Jing. You are an example of courage and nobleness of heart that we all look up to," says JingYi.<br/>Jing blushes.<br/>"Hurry up! We want to hear what your voice sounds like as soon as possible!" JingYi shoos them out.<br/>Jing grins and follows the physician.<br/>Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan follow her. She is taken to a table, given some anesthesia and the procedure is done by sewing the tongue to the root. It fits a bit awkwardly because it doesn’t belong in her mouth before but Hanguang Jun and Wei Wuxian said it would work so it must. Although Wei Wuxian had deceived them about that tool so anything is possible. Xiao Xingchen sat beside the table as she wakes up and Song Lan paces around impatiently, anxious to know how it went.<br/>"She will wake up soon. It will take a few days to heal even with my best medicine but there shouldn't be any problems," says the disciple. "I will leave you three be."<br/>Jing stirs. She blinks a few times. Swallowing.<br/>"They said it will take a few days to heal and awhile to feel normal," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Song Lan rushes to her side and takes her hands trembling in excitement.<br/>Jing smiles, enjoying all the attention. Her father and her fiancé. That's how she sees them. Although she tends to protect Xiao Xingchen more than he protects her but she doesn't mind. Her fiancé is a massive, unbeatable corpse so she doesn’t have to be afraid of anything anyways. He can protect her and her father easily. She takes one of Xiao Xingchen's hands and one of Song Lan's.<br/>"Ahhh," she says, trying to form words.<br/>"The doctor said to wait, Jing," scolds Xiao Xingchen. "You don’t want to slow down the healing. You've been silent for ten years; you can wait two days."<br/>She pouts. Song Lan chuckles and picks her up. He spins her around the room until she feels so terribly dizzy since she still has some anesthesia in her body. Xiao Xingchen listens to them, his heart feeling increasingly warm and full. He's happy he is alive for this day. The person to thank and also blame for this day is still missing though. He stands up suddenly.<br/>"Should we go back to our house?" He says. He can’t shake the feeling that Xue Yang is there.<br/>Song Lan and Jing look at each other and shrug. Song Lan carries Jing in his arms princess style and she enjoys every minute of it. They leave the physician's house and return to theirs. Xiao Xingchen wanders aimlessly around the house, sometimes stepping outside wondering if he could be just outside. Jing watches him and gets a funny look in her eye.<br/>Curfew comes again for the Lan Clan and Xiao Xingchen sits on his bed, cross-legged, wide awake and restless. Everything is wrong without Xue Yang. He closes his eyes and tries to focus. Xue Yang is a part of him, he should be able to sense him. Someone must be blocking him out. Someone doesn't want him to find him. 'Xue Yang,' he thinks. 'Why wont you let me find you?'</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Xue Yang's Redemption</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kinda Intense</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xue Yang wakes up to Lan Qiren's imposing figure looming above him. He is lying on his back with a bloody robe on top of him, fading in and out of nightmarish sleep. Lan Qiren observes him coldly. He motions for one disciple to approach. "Take the left jar and smash it in Yi City," he says. The disciple takes it and goes. He motions for another one. "Smash this one in the Cheng residence."<br/>Xue Yang realizes what the jars were for.<br/>"The last one smash in Snow Pavilion."<br/>All three jars are taken and the disciples disappear.<br/>"You know what that was, Xue Yang, I assume," he says in a gruff voice.<br/>Xue Yang mumbles something, his words a jumble in his sluggish pain.<br/>"Your death would be ideal to let your victims rest in peace but we had to make do with your screams. After you cried out enough for each place you massacred, we began to collect your agony in the next jar."<br/>"So, you're saying," says Xue Yang staring up at him. "If I had just screamed more that this could have been over in a day?"<br/>Lan Qiren frowns. "Strip him, and put him on his back."<br/>"What! But you've accounted for my victims already!" He cries out.<br/>Lan Qiren pulls out the disciple’s whip. "Are you forgetting someone?"<br/>Xue Yang clenches his teeth bracing for the worst punishment that can be meted out by a member in the GusuLan sect.<br/>"I want you to tell me exactly what you did to him and for every sin you will receive one strike and every hesitation you will receive two."<br/>Xue Yang's mind races. His voice is raspy and rough from so much screaming. "I tried to turn Song Lan against him!" He croaks. One slash. He gasps in horrible pain digging his fingernails into the wood getting slivers under them.<br/>"And?"<br/>"I deceived him and took advantage of his blindness!" He says, quoting Wei Wuxian. Another slash.<br/>"And?"<br/>He whimpers and gets two more slashes in quick succession.<br/>"I tricked him into killing Song Lan!" He says.<br/>"And?"<br/>He starts to cry, remembering the moment that destroyed him. The intense guilt he feels for what he did. The sound of Xiao Xingchen's cries. He shakes uncontrollably and his whole body becomes hot and dizzy. Two more slashes. Another slash. Another slash.<br/>"I laughed...at him...while he suffered," he coughed out crying into the ground. "I destroyed him. I drove him to kill himself. I betrayed him and broke him and did every terrible thing I could have to him. I'm a monster who doesn’t deserve to exist on this earth." He sobs, his whole-body convulsing. "I'm disgusting," he whispers. "I wish I could just die."<br/>Three more slashes and then Lan Qiren takes a step back.<br/>"It is enough. You have paid for your crimes," he says. "Lie there, and wait and see if Xiao Xingchen will come and find you."<br/>Lan Qiren leaves and Xue Yang is left with nothing but the sound of his own blood trickling down his back. He can't stop crying. They wont even take him to Xiao Xingchen. Will Xiao Xingchen even find him? Is he even looking for him still? Does he think he's hiding from him? He was but not for normal reasons. The barrier is lifted and Xue Yang senses it. The door creaks open.</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It will all be okay</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the morning Jing got up early with one goal and one goal alone. To find Xue Yang. She doesn’t care what Xiao Xingchen said to him, he probably deserved it and he has no right to make the Taoist suffer. She sneaks out the same window Xue Yang did when he escaped three days ago. Song Lan is preparing her a soft breakfast and Xiao Xingchen is still sleeping. He was up late distressed about Xue Yang. Ah, Xue Yang is such a pain. What does Xiao Xingchen see in him? But that is no matter, if Xue Yang is what Xiao Xingchen wants Xue Yang is what he will get, regardless of how that delinquent feels about it. She notices three disciples carrying jars, walking out of the old worn-down house beside theirs. The jars look ominous with an odd red glow emitting from their sealed tops. There's something off and twisted about those jars. She thinks. She hides in the bushes waiting for the disciples to pass by and then approaches the house sticking close to the side of it. Its silent. Absolutely no sound. This is strange. Three disciples just left in a hurry as if they were under orders from someone but she can’t head a single sound inside. If she had known much about cultivation, she would have known there was a barrier on that house but all she knew was that something was wrong. She sits there for awhile trying to hear something but its silent, not even a bird. The door opens again and Lan Qiren leaves with a solemn look on his face and something in his left hand she can’t make out from where she is hiding. Something is definitely wrong with this house. She would have been able to hear a person inside if it was a normal house. Whatever is inside is being hidden away and the only thing she can think of that would be hidden away right now is Xue Yang. She returns to the house to find Xiao Xingchen tearing up the couch pillows. "Where can he be?" He says, frustrated. Jing runs up to him and takes his hand.<br/>"Jing, you should still be resting so you recover quickly," he says.<br/>She yanks at his hand until he follows her. Song Lan puts down the tea he had prepared on a tray and follows them.<br/>She leads them to the door. Xiao Xingchen's breath catches.<br/>"I can sense him!" He exclaims. "Why couldn’t I sense him here before?"<br/>The birds are singing and there's someone breathing heavily or crying inside. Xiao Xingchen pushes the door open wide and rushes in.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen?" says Xue Yang weakly. That did not take long at all. His heart feels a little bit happy at that thought.<br/>Xiao Xingchen kneels down to him. Song Lan and Jing watch from the door.<br/>"Xue Yang, what on earth happened? What did they do to you?" Xiao Xingchen's face grows hot in anger. How dare they do this to someone else's prisoner. He can smell the blood and he can hear in Xue Yang's voice and breath he is in intense pain.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen," he says again. It's over. Its finally over. He is with Xiao Xingchen again. He reaches out and pulls his body with his fingers until he collapses his face on Xiao Xingchen's lap.<br/>"I'm sorry I'm so disgusting," he says sobbing into Xiao Xingchen's clean clothes. "I didn’t mean to fall in love with you and burden you with my feelings. I know I'm the worst person you could get stuck with," he cries.<br/>"Xue Yang, please, stop this. What happened? What did they do to you?"<br/>Xue Yang sobs more into his lap.<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs. "Alright, I'll take you to the house and then we can talk," he says. "I'm sorry, this will hurt." He says as he picks him up in his arms and carries him like a princess. Xue Yang rests his head on his chest and closes his eyes. Xiao Xingchen found him within minutes of him being left alone. Nobody can say they don’t have a bond.<br/>Xiao Xingchen lays him down on the couch on the main area.<br/>"Song Zichen, please tell me what he looks like. All I can smell is blood everywhere," says Xiao Xingchen. Song Lan peers over Xiao Xingchen's shoulder with a grimace on his face. He just finished making breakfast for his fiancé. This is not his idea of a good morning. He inspects Xue Yang, pushes him over to his side, gingerly and shudders. He takes his talisman.<br/>"Broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, broken ankle, bruised everywhere. Brand burn on his side. Scorpion whip marks on his chest, arms and legs. Discipline whip on his back," he writes.<br/>Xiao Xingchen's breath catches. "Jing, can you fetch me some alcohol, please?"<br/>She frowns. Even she knows it’s forbidden in Cloud Recesses.<br/>"They must have some for medicinal purposes somewhere," he says.<br/>"Zichen, I need some fresh bathwater to clean up these wounds and some rags."<br/>Song Lan humphs out of the house. He is unhappy with how the day has turned out but still does what Xiao Xingchen asks him to. Seeing Xiao Xingchen's flushed, angry face was enough to scare almost anybody.<br/>Xue Yang moans in pain. "Xiao Xingchen?" He says. "When you fucked me, it hurt so bad."<br/>Xiao Xingchen frowns.<br/>"I loved it so much."<br/>Jing comes back first with a bottle of terrible smelling alcohol. Xue Yang shudders when it’s brought to his mouth.<br/>"I thought they had good whine in Gusu," Xiao Xingchen sighs.<br/>Jing smirks, she isn’t surprised. With all the rules in Cloud Recesses she’s lucky she found what she did.<br/>Xiao Xingchen forces it down his throat even though he gags.<br/>"This will help with your pain," he says.<br/>"Are you...cough...sure you're not just trying to get me drunk," he laughs weakly.<br/>Xiao Xingchen purses his lips. "You are impossible, Xue Yang."<br/>Xue Yang grins. "I like you a loooot," he slurs either drunk or just in excessive pain or both.<br/>"Can you fuck me again?" He says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs. "You're covered in bruises and blood and that's what you think about?"<br/>Xue Yang closes his eyes. His head is on the pillow and the blood is hardening and getting sticky. Everything aches so much. "Do you think I'm disgusting?"<br/>"No," says Xiao Xingchen quickly.<br/>Xue Yang smiles. "Good." Then he passes out.<br/>Song Lan returns and helps prepare the bath. Xiao Xingchen carries him to the warm water and cleans him. He slips in and out of consciousness seeing Xiao Xingchen's face every time he opens his eyes. He feels Xiao Xingchen's warm hands all over his body and hears his voice talking calmly to him or singing a gentle song. His brain feels so fuzzy from the alcohol and pain but he's never felt so happy in his life. He closes his eyes again. Next thing he knows he is wrapped up in warm, soft clothes and laid down on a bed. His forehead is flicked and he passes out completely.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Xue Yang's Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Xiao Xingchen's angry now</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xiao Xingchen storms into the main hall where Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen are finishing up their plans before Lan Xichen goes into isolation. He has his horsetail whip and grim expression on his face.<br/>"What was the meaning of that?" He says, his normally even tone trembling in anger. "You take my prisoner out from under my nose, hide his presence from me and torture him for three days. Lie to me that he is seeking instruction and does not wish to be found!"<br/>"Is that what he told you, young man?" Says Lan Qiren standing to his feet from his chair a few steps above Xiao Xingchen. "That we stole him away and hid him from you?"<br/>"He didn’t say much he was in too much pain," replies Xiao Xingchen.<br/>The corners of Lan Xichen's lips tug upwards.<br/>"His punishment was fair by every measure in order to satisfy his victims and you," says Lan Qiren carelessly.<br/>"That should be up to me to decide!" Snaps Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Taoist Xiao Xingchen," says Lan Xichen. "I believe you are mistaken on some things regarding our actions and intentions."<br/>Xiao Xingchen frowns.<br/>"We did not steal your prisoner away from you. He came to us himself. We also did not lie when we said he wished to be hidden from you. The state you found him in was entirely his choice," he explains in an even tone.<br/>Xiao Xingchen stands there, frozen. The decorated walls reflecting the midday sunlight and his warm gentle features.<br/>"I don’t understand. He wouldn’t willingly put himself into that state. He's insane but not that insane. He’s a naturally selfish man."<br/>Lan Xichen smiles more openly despite Lan Qiren's frown at the sight of it.<br/>"Xue Yang came to us three days ago. He asked us to mete out his punishment within the measure that you would approve of and would satisfy his victims. He wished to keep it a secret from you because he said hearing or knowing other living things suffer causes you pain. It was his intention to keep himself hidden from you until it was over so you would not have to hear him suffer during the process."<br/>Xiao Xingchen drops his whip, his hands start to tremble. "I…I can’t believe it. That's impossible."<br/>"You've made a strong impression in that petulant young man, good Taoist. I was impressed by how loyal he has become of you," says Lan Xichen. "We apologize for deceiving you but Xue Yang was adamant that you do not discover his whereabouts until everything was done."<br/>Xiao Xingchen covers his mouth. He feels his blindfold becoming wet with red. Lan Xichen takes a white rag and rips it to make a blindfold.<br/>"He specifically said he did not wish to see your blindfold become red," says Lan Xichen. Holding out the rag to him. "After you are finished replace your blindfold with this one."<br/>Xiao Xingchen takes it, his hands shaking. He kneels down to the ground covering his mouth with his hand and sobs into it.<br/>"His victims should be satisfied and he won’t forget his punishment for the rest of his life. You will be free to go your way after your comrades are healed. Be careful with that young man though, he requires much more guidance before he can be a benefit to the cultivation world. He is naturally mischievous even if you take out the bloodthirstiness in his nature," says Lan Qiren in an even, boring tone.<br/>Xiao Xingchen stands to his feet and bows. He feels so relieved. A huge burden is lifted off of him. This was exactly what Xue Yang intended. He feels guilty to feel so at peace. This was the kindest thing Xue Yang has ever done for anyone and he did it for him. He turns to go.<br/>"Thank you. I apologize for my behavior."<br/>"It was a misunderstanding," says Lan Xichen.<br/>He bows again, picks up his horsetail whip and leaves, careful not to run but almost running back to their house. Song Lan and Jing are out and Xue Yang is laying there among a large pile of pillows, his defined boyish features relaxed and peaceful. Xiao Xingchen kneels beside his bed and stretches his fingers into Xue Yang's hair. Xue Yang opens his eyes. To see Xiao Xingchen's gentle smile caressing his lips. He bends down to kiss Xue Yang's lips which he automatically opens for him.<br/>"You're awake," he says.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen," he says breathlessly.<br/>Xiao Xingchen draws him into his arms, forgetting that Xue Yang is covered in whip marks and bruises and holds him tightly. He groans but stops himself from crying out so he can stay in these enveloping arms. Xiao Xingchen's body trembles in silent sobs. "Thank you, Chengmei," he says emotionally right by his ear. "Thank you, so much."<br/>Xue Yang smiles and buries his face into Xiao Xingchen's arm. "I love you, Xiao Xingchen," he says.<br/>"I believe you," replies Xiao Xingchen his fingers running through Xue Yang's hair. He breathes it in allowing the scent of it to remain in his memory.<br/>"Do you hate yourself for loving me?" He asks.<br/>"No," he replies. Xiao Xingchen holds him for a long time. Deeply moved that someone would go to such lengths to win his love. He can have Xue Yang now. There's nothing in the world stopping him. Xue Yang can belong to him heart soul and body. He can take him away, anywhere he wants and know that the fragile minded passionate character that is Xue Yang will love him forever.<br/>"I'll give you my life, my everything. I won’t pass you by" whispers Xue Yang in a soft melody.<br/>Xiao Xingchen hugs him tighter.<br/>"Ah!" He finally cries out.<br/>"Oh, I'm so sorry, Xue Yang," says Xiao Xingchen letting him go and letting him down onto the pillows again.<br/>"Wait, Xue Yang," he says. "Why did you go to Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren for punishment when you were going to be executed anyways? Did you know the tool was useless?"<br/>"Haha," he laughs weakly. "I uh, might have eavesdropped on Wei Wuxian and Hanguang Jun's conversation back in Yi City with a paper doll."<br/>"You knew, the whole time? And you didn’t tell me!" He says, angry but also amused.<br/>"I would tell you now!" He protests. "I'll tell you anything you want to know. I won’t hide a single thing from you."<br/>Xiao Xingchen shakes his head. "You are impossible, Xue Yang."<br/>Xue Yang grins devilishly. "But you love me and you can’t take that back!" He says. Xiao Xingchen leans in and kisses him long and hard until Xue Yang moans for an entirely different reason than the pain.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Something Abandoned and Lonely</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>At this point I just couldn't say goodbye to the characters</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The four of them leave Cloud Recesses in the direction of Qinghe as soon as Jing is recovered and Xue Yang can travel on a horse. Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen are anxious to leave Gusu as soon as possible for different reasons. Song Lan doesn’t like all the attention Jing gets from the juniors and Xiao Xingchen kept getting funny looks from the disciples since they knew he showed favor to a demon in the cultivation world.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen, I'm tired," whines Xue Yang.<br/>"You're the one who's on the horse, the rest of us have to walk," says Jing.<br/>"Yes, but I'm the one horribly beaten and tortured," replies Xue Yang.<br/>"And you're the one who asked for it," she snaps back.<br/>They are travelling through a peaceful field with a few trees interspersed and birds singing. Xiao Xingchen is humming and Song Lan is humming along with him. Jing and Xue Yang look at each other and turn their attention to their partners.<br/>"Xiao Xingcheeeen," says Xue Yang<br/>"Song Zicheennn," whines Jing.<br/>Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan chuckle. Song Lan leans down and gives her a piggyback ride. She nestles her head up into his shoulder.<br/>"We should find somewhere to rest for the night," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Where are we even going, we passed Qinghe already. There's only a few small villages in this area," says Xue Yang.<br/>"I'd like to be somewhere quiet," says Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang frowns. Xiao Xingchen tends to revert to a sad martyr personality more often than Xue Yang would like. He looks at Jing for support but she is playing with Song Lan's hair and not paying attention.<br/>"How about that then?" Points Xue Yang. At the end of the field, right by the edge of a forest sits a ramshackle house overgrown with grass and bushes. It was hard to see at first it was so overgrown.<br/>"Jing?" Xiao Xingchen says. He relies on her to give him detailed descriptions of things since Xue Yang teases him so often.<br/>"Its a lonely broken-down little house that's been abandoned for years," she says.<br/>A warm feeling spreads into Xiao Xingchen's heart. "Perfect," he says and leads the horse up the hill.<br/>"What?" Says Jing, Xue Yang and her exchange surprised glances.<br/>"I like abandoned lonely broken things," he says.<br/>Xue Yang blushes. He realizes he should be insulted but he isn’t one bit. He grins and leans forward touching Xiao Xingchen's head with his fingers. Jing sneers at him and rolls her eyes.<br/>Once they arrive Song Lan lights a fire in the stove. Jing gathers extra wood for it and they cook supper.<br/>"I found something growing in the cupboards<br/>It might have been a piece of cheese.<br/>But now it is fuzzy and covered<br/>With an ugly color or green<br/>The floor is so weak I'm afraid<br/>To step anywhere my foot wont fall through<br/>There's a broken-down wall, and I found a hole<br/>A few places in the roof."<br/>Jing sings ridiculously while she stirs a pot of soup.<br/>"The stairs they are snapping like chalk sticks<br/>I heard one of them break with a bang<br/>I'm already certain, everything about this place<br/>Looks, smells and sounds like Xue Yang."<br/>Xue Yang is hopping around the house inspecting it, since his broken ankle is still healing.<br/>"Hey!" He yells from the other room with the broken-down wall. "I don’t stink!"<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs. "Very clever, Jing."<br/>Xue Yang hops over to him. "You're just going to let her get away with insulting me?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen chuckles. "You're more than capable of defending yourself."<br/>Xue Yang humphs. He finds a blanket in their pack and starts covering up the wall hole with the blanket. There are two rooms in the house. The main part with the stove, a table with a broken leg, two chairs, and several holes in the floor. And the next room with a rotten blanket tucked away in the corner.<br/>"Is there a garden in the back?" Asks Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Xue Yang and Jing exchange glances. Is he actually serious? He actually wants to stay here?<br/>"I'll check..." says Xue Yang hesitantly and hops to the back door.<br/>Jing finishes supper and calls Song Lan inside. He was on the roof fixing it up since clouds were gathering in the sky.<br/>They close the door before it starts to rain and they settle down on the floor because no one wanted to risk the chairs. Jing dangles her feet down a large hole in the floor onto the dirt underneath as she eats her soup.<br/>Xiao Xingchen can’t stop smiling.<br/>"I'll fix those chairs tomorrow," writes Song Lan to Xiao Xingchen. He nods and smiles.<br/>"I can fix that wall tomorrow," says Xue Yang.<br/>"Your ankle is still healing," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"I hate just sitting around," he replies.<br/>Xiao Xingchen nods.<br/>"There should be a village a few miles away, we can get whatever supplies we need from there," says Jing.<br/>"You two are still waiting to get married, aren’t you?" Says Xiao Xingchen. "Why don’t we find a monk or spiritual person to perform the ceremony after the house is fixed up?"<br/>Jing beams. "Does that mean we get the other room?" She says.<br/>Xue Yang frowns.<br/>Xiao Xingchen smiles. "Of course, you two will be a married couple."<br/>"A corpse doesn’t need to sleep!" Snaps Xue Yang.<br/>"You are definitely not coming to my wedding," says Jing to Xue Yang.<br/>"I didn’t want to anyways," he sneers.<br/>"We will build another room," says Xiao Xingchen. "One nearby the back door so Zichen can go in and out as he pleases and night hunt all he wishes without disturbing anyone."<br/>Jing crosses her arms. "Hmph, as long as our room isn’t way smaller than his!" She points at Xue Yang.<br/>"I'll get to work on it tomorrow," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Song Lan frowns. "I will build the room You fix the chairs." He writes. A little-known fact about Xiao Xingchen is that his building and fixing skills are minuscule. Song Lan knows this but the other two are not aware. This will only be heightened by Xiao Xingchen's blindness.<br/>"Very well," he agrees.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. New Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Domestic</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang go to bed in the other room. Song Lan and Jing stay up looking at the field of grasses and interspersed trees as the rain clears and the night sky fills with stars. They sit on the broken stairs. Jing leans her head onto Song Lan's shoulder humming a pretty tune.<br/>"Do you still hate Xue Yang?" Asks Jing.<br/>"Do you?" Song Lan writes.<br/>"I stopped hating him after he sent me to buy that outfit and food for Xiao Xingchen," she says. "I'm not even sure if I ever really did hate him. I thought he was horrible and I never trusted him but since he makes Xiao Xingchen happy, I don’t really care about him."<br/>Song Lan sighs. "You're a noble woman, Jing." He writes.<br/>"I don’t know why you think so highly of me," she says. "Hating is a waste of time. Growing up some poor people I knew wasted all their time hating the rich, hating the people who used their money to control everything but it only ever made them miserable instead of hurting the people they hated. I don’t see much point in hating Xue Yang since that wouldn’t bother Xue Yang and would only bother Xiao Xingchen."<br/>Song Lan ponders her words. "What if I still hated him?" He writes.<br/>She takes his hand. "Then, I'd pull it up close to me and squeeze it till it's gone."<br/>Song Lan laughs softly. He leans in and smells her hair. Corpses sense of smell is excellent. He moves her dress over her arm and kisses her bare shoulder. She cocks her head to give him a better angle enjoying the attention. He moves in closer and tries to untie her dress from behind. His clumsy fingers end up just snapping the string instead. She laughs at him kisses him, slipping her dress off her shoulder to reveal her underclothes beneath. Song Lan reaches into her clothes and touches her bare waist. She lies still, letting him touch whatever and wherever he wishes. She let's out a cry when his fingers move inside of her. His fingers are long and his hand is big. Jing feels like she might be swallowed up. He plays with her while he kisses her neck and shoulders, moving away her clothes bit by bit with his other hand until she lies naked, under the stars. She looks up at the silhouette of a huge looming corpse with magic fingers. Perhaps, she is a little bit insane to have fallen for a dead man. But ever since she pretended to sleep in that cave in the Burial Mounds she felt safe and her intense curiosity was fueled to find out if this undead man could honestly love her like a living one. Now she is convinced no living man could love her better than this dead one can. He removes his robes and produces his member. Her heart pounds. She has never seen it. In fact, she wasn’t even sure if it would work. What will it feel like? She wonders. It's cold and textured. She can feel every inch of it because of the difference in temperature between them. His cool touch is addicting.<br/>"Oh," she moans. He moves faster and faster and faster. She cries out and he covers her mouth until he finishes. When he's finished, he pulls out and pulls her close to him. She just lost her virginity to a dead man. And she couldn't be more pleased.</p><p>Inside Xue Yang arranges the blankets the best he can for comfort. He kicks himself for not going out to get grasses for a pillow.<br/>"You can lay your head on my arm, tonight," he says to Xiao Xingchen. "Tomorrow I'll make a pillow with some grasses and things."<br/>Xiao Xingchen lies down and Xue Yang lays his robe over the two of them. He pulls Xiao Xingchen close to him.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen," he says looking at Xiao Xingchen's soft features. "Can we get married?"<br/>"We're already bound together for life, isn’t that marriage?" He says. "Besides, I don’t think anyone would perform a ceremony for two male cultivators."<br/>Xue Yang frowns. "We will be cultivation partners, wont we? I'm not just your toy, am I?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen chuckles at the absurdity of what Xue Yang is saying. "Chengmei, you are a strange one. You think I'm going to fall in love with someone else while I'm still living with you?"<br/>"It could happen," he says. “You could just cast me aside and make me watch you be with another and I’d slowly go mad with the horror of it.”<br/>Xiao Xingchen touches his cheek with his fingers. "Is it wrong that I find your insecurity alluring?"<br/>"You didn’t answer my question!" He protests.<br/>Xiao Xingchen leans in for a long kiss. Xue Yang moans and succumbs to hid lips. "Xiao Xingchen," he whispers when he has a chance to breathe.<br/>Xiao Xingchen strips him in a swift movement and runs his hands all over every crevice of his body. He cries out, unable to control himself as Xiao Xingchen's fingers slip down his hip to his thigh. His wounds are only a little bit sore now so he doesn’t notice the pain. He looks up at Xiao Xingchen whose clothes are just slipping down to reveal his collarbone. A magnificent collarbone he thinks to himself. His hair is strewn all over and tickles his skin as Xiao Xingchen moves his lips down his body from his chest to his stomach to his waist to his...<br/>"Ah!" He cries out as Xiao Xingchen swallows him. His heart pounds as Xiao Xingchen sucks him until he can’t hold it in anymore and he cums. Breathing heavily, he takes a deep breath.<br/>"I can do that, for you," he says, moving to sit up.<br/>"No need," replies Xiao Xingchen and pushes him back down and takes off his clothes. Before he knew it, Xiao Xingchen was inside him, painfully but still welcome.<br/>"I thought you didn’t like it when people suffer no matter how bad they are?" Says Xue Yang catching his breath amidst the pain.<br/>Xiao Xingchen thrusts mercilessly into him. "You bring out a different side of me," he says. Holding Xue Yang's wrists tightly above his head as he pushes into him. Xue Yang groans in pain.<br/>"I am already so wounded and yet you do this to me," he whines.<br/>"Did you want me to stop?" He says, his expression changing.<br/>"Ah, Xiao Xingchen, you're too much for this poor sad little orphan," he says in his whiny voice. Xiao Xingchen chuckles and continues. Slowly the pain gives way to pleasure and Xue Yang comes again. After that Xiao Xingchen moves faster and comes inside him. He collapses on top of him breathing heavily. His blindfold is lopsided showing a little bit of his eye. Xue Yang pulls it away to reveal the full, calm face of the Taoist. He is ethereal. Why did he have to be blind? It was his fault but why did Xiao Xingchen have to be such a selfless hero to everyone? Why can’t he just be good to him and no other? Xiao Xingchen's heart pounds. It's hard for him to show his permanently closed eyelids, and remember the pain that made them that way. Xue Yang touches them with his fingers.<br/>"When you died, I washed your face and replaced your blindfold," he whispers hoarsely. "I'm happy Lan Qiren used the discipline's whip on me for my crimes to you. At least now I'm permanently marked for you just like you’re permanently marked because of me." His heart burns inside him and he wishes Xiao Xingchen would just fuck his guilt away again.<br/>Xiao Xingchen pulls him up into his arms. "You're forgiven, Chengmei," he says gently. Xue Yang weakens in his arms again.<br/>"Its not fair. You can control me so easily," he whimpers.<br/>Xiao Xingchen strokes his hair and lies down with him still holding him in his arms. The two fall asleep under Xue Yang's robe. Xiao Xingchen falls asleep bare faced and Xue Yang stares at him for as long as he could stay awake overwhelmed by the beauty of the man. Together they fall asleep on the floor of an abandoned, lonely broken-down house. Xue Yang can’t help but feel sad but also happy when he thinks about the house. Xiao Xingchen picked it because it reminded him of him. He curls up closer to Xiao Xingchen wishing his could hold him tight enough to squelch and burning ache inside his soul.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Jun Yuan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cuz we all needed more orphans</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Song Lan, Jing, Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang all have a fight about who should go to town to buy food and the tools they need to fix the house. Xiao Xingchen wants to go with Xue Yang to buy Jing a wedding gift. Song Lan is afraid Xiao Xingchen will get the wrong tools since he is so useless at fixing things. In the end all four of them go together, stepping into a town half the size of Yi City. <br/>Everyone stops what they were doing at once to stare at them. Visitors coming to this area is rare and their party is a sight to see. A noble faced man dressed in white with a blindfold over his eyes. A pale, expressionless man who by all accounts looks like a corpse. A wild man with a perpetually insane expression on his face limping with a cane. And a short, pretty girl, with light colored eyes dressed simply and vastly out of place in the group. Two of them are carrying swords and one has a horsetail whip in his hand. The market becomes dead silent and they don’t even bother to hide their shock.<br/>"Who do you think you're staring at?" Demands the wild man sneering with a nasty glint in his eye. He protectively steps in front of the man in white. Everyone ducks their heads and goes back to their business buying and selling food and goods.<br/>Jing pulls at Song Lan's hand towards the sweets stall. Song Lan received a little bit of money at Gusu but Xue Yang is the one who has a lot of money. He shudders at the thought of asking Xue Yang for money so he has to be careful with his spending. He can’t waste everything on sweets for his fiancé. Xiao Xingchen approaches a stall where a man is selling vegetables.<br/>"Pardon me sir, may we buy some potatoes?" He says politely. Beside him Xue Yang glares threateningly at the vegetable seller.<br/>"Uh, um," he stammers.<br/>"Xue Yang don’t glare at him," says Xiao Xingchen gently.<br/>"I don’t like the look of him. He stared at you when we first came here," snarls Xue Yang with a mean look on his face.<br/>A little thief snatches a turnip at the stall and turns to run down the dirt road. Xiao Xingchen trips him with his horsetail whip landing him sprawled out in the dirt in front of the stall dropping the turnip.<br/>"I... I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean it!" He cries covering his head with his hands.<br/>The stall owner snatches his turnip. "Jun Yuan, how many times have I told you if you step a foot near my stall again, I will beat the living daylights out of you!" He raises his hand to strike the boy, probably about 8 years old. Xiao Xingchen catches it before it lands on the child's head.<br/>"Where are this child's parents?" He asks in an even tone.<br/>"Jun Yuan?" The stall owner scoffs. "He has an older brother who comes around every now and then before he shoves off again. The rest of the time he just leaves him to fend for himself. That useless son of a bitch leaving us with his worthless little brother,” he growls. “Always snooping around my stall. Go find your brother, Jun Yuan!"<br/>"My brother left me three weeks ago. He said he wasn’t coming back!" He says.<br/>"And how is that my problem?" Replies the stall keeper.<br/>"I'm beginning to understand why you dislike this stall," says Xiao Xingchen quietly to Xue Yang. He chuckles.<br/>Xiao Xingchen takes a couple turnips and potatoes and holds them out to the Jun Yuan.<br/>"Here, take these, and don’t bother the stall-keeper anymore," he says softly. Xue Yang rolls his eyes and digs into his purse to pay for them.<br/>"You're going to make me poor if you constantly give everything away," says Xue Yang. "Let's hurry up, buy the food and get that wedding present before you end up saving a stray dog or something."<br/>Xiao Xingchen smiles and follows Xue Yang through the maze of stalls and people. He glances back to shoot one more menacing glance at the stall keeper and observes the boy, who has now stood to his feet gazing after them.<br/>They find a small shop with pretty dresses for Jing.<br/>"We could buy her a dress for her wedding," says Xiao Xingchen. "She would like that."<br/>Xue Yang sighs. Buying anything for anyone other than Xiao Xingchen is boring. He goes outside while the shopkeeper and Xiao Xingchen talk. "Call me when it's time to buy it," he says and sits outside on the step by the door.<br/>Jun Yuan appears, munching on a turnip hungrily. His clothes are tattered and he has a bruise on his cheek.<br/>"You can’t go in there," says Xue Yang, sneering at the boy. "You already got enough from the Taoist. Scram!" He tosses a pebble at him. Jun Yuan walks up to him. His face is lean and starved and his eyes aren’t those of an innocent child. Xue Yang sighs, trying not to remember himself at that age.<br/>"Who are you people?" Asks Jun Yuan.<br/>"None of your business," he snaps.<br/>"That guy's blind, isn’t he?" He points into the shop where Xiao Xingchen is.<br/>"So what? That doesn’t make him any less! If you talk down on him, I'll kill you in the spot right now. I don’t care if you're some homeless orphan child!" He snaps.<br/>Jun Yuan sits down in the dirt across from him. He likes this angry man. He seems interesting.<br/>"How did you hurt your ankle?" He asks munching on the turnip. Xue Yang grimaces when he remembers how raw plain turnips tasted when he ate them in the street.<br/>He sneers at the little boy. "I was brutally tortured. For a whole day they struck me down with batons, then they whipped me and drowned me the next day," he says, a twisted smile creeping across his face.<br/>The boy isn’t phased. "What's wrong with the tall man?" He asks. "He looks dead."<br/>"That's because he is dead," he grins. "He's a walking corpse who comes out at night to attack poor, friendless little boys."<br/>"Why are you trying to scare me?" He asks tossing a pebble up in the air and catching it. Xue Yang picks up a pebble and tosses it at him to see if he catches it. He does. Xue Yang grins.<br/>"Lots of people try to get close to Xiao Xingchen because he's good and kind. They also try to take advantage of his blindness. But Xiao Xingchen belongs to me and I don’t want little leeches like you crawling all over him."<br/>The boy chuckles and tosses the pebble back to him. He catches it and grins.<br/>"Your eyes look crazy," says Jun Yuan.<br/>"So I've heard."<br/>"Whoever beat you up, you probably deserved it," he says.<br/>"You just tried to steal a turnip at a stall!" Retorts Xue Yang back.<br/>"So what? I was hungry. You look like you could kill a person."<br/>Xue Yang chuckles and tosses the pebble. "Maybe I have. Maybe I've killed a lot of people."<br/>The boy catches the pebble. "I get it! You guys are cultivators!" He says. "Where's your sword though?"<br/>Xue Yang sneers. "You really like asking questions. That will get you in trouble one day."<br/>Jun Yuan stares back at him and shrugs. "I'm a homeless orphan kid. I always get in trouble."<br/>Xue Yang doesn’t have an argument for that.<br/>"Chengmei!" Xiao Xingchen calls him from inside the shop. He catches the pebble one last time.<br/>"Scram kid! I don’t want to see you hanging around the Taoist!" He says and jumps up to go into the shop.</p>
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<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Misfit Family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Getting more domestic</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The four return home successful. Xue Yang and Song Lan get to work immediately at fixing the house. Xiao Xingchen tries to work on the chairs but after accidentally ripping off one of the legs Jing asks him to help her gather firewood instead.<br/>The wall, floor and stairs are all fixed by supper time. The little group of four huddles against the wall eating their dinner and planning their next day.<br/>"I'll keep working on the chairs," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"No, Daozhang, we need your help...washing," says Xue Yang. "Our stuff got so dirty from the journey we need it all washed tomorrow."<br/>Song Lan nods in approval.<br/>"Yes! I can’t stand those awful dirty blankets next to my skin!" Agrees Jing.<br/>"Alright, if you insist," says Xiao Xingchen unable to see the relief on their faces.<br/>They finish their plans for the next day and wash their dishes in cold grayish water.<br/>"What was that?" Xiao Xingchen straightens as he's standing over the washbasin on the floor by the stove.<br/>Xue Yang looks up his eyes darting all around.<br/>"There's something in the trees behind the house," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Song Lan goes out the back door with his sword. A muffled scream comes from outside and Song Lan drags in a small figure with a little bag on his back that spills out some turnips and a potato.<br/>"Jun Yuan!" Exclaims Xue Yang. "I thought I told you to scram!"<br/>"You? What are you doing here?" Says Jun Yuan.<br/>"You didn’t follow us, here?" Asks Xue Yang. The other three just stand there speechless, wondering when Xue Yang made friends with a dirty, starved little kid.<br/>"Is this that young man we met at the vegetable stall today?" Asks Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"No! It's some other kid!" Says Xiao Xingchen. "Now what are you doing here?"<br/>The little boy wrinkles up his nose at Xue Yang. "Sometimes I sleep here when my brother is away." He says. "How was I supposed to know your freakshow was going to be in the old Chan's abandoned house?" He crosses his arms and glares at him.<br/>"Well get out of here and don’t let me see you again!" Says Xue Yang.<br/>"Chengmei," Xiao Xingchen says softly behind him. Putting down his dish and wiping his hands off on his robe.<br/>Xue Yang shudders. He knows where this is going.<br/>Xiao Xingchen kneels down to Jun Yuan. "I didn’t know you and Chengmei hit it off so well," he says. "Have you eaten supper?"<br/>"Of course he's eaten supper, I bought him supper, remember?"<br/>"Hmph, I came here so I could cook my potato in the stove," says Jun Yuan. "I can’t just eat it raw like a horse, now can I?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen smiles. "I'm so happy to see you getting along with more people, Chengmei," he says.<br/>Xue Yang crosses his arms and sneers. "I suppose now you're going to invite him to stay with us until his brother comes back and feed him supper like he's some stray dog or something."<br/>Xiao Xingchen chuckles. "Well, if you insist." He puts his hand out to Jun Yuan. "I'm Xiao Xingchen, that's my cultivation partner Chengmei who you've already made friends with. That man who brought you in is Song Lan. He looks scary but he is very kind. If you're ever in danger or hurting you should go to him. And that's his fiancé Jing."<br/>The boy nods, wide eyed put under the spell of Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang doesn’t like the attention Jun Yuan is getting but Xiao Xingchen just introduced him as his cultivation partner so he isn’t too angry.<br/>He growls under his breath. "There's another blanket I bought in town; you can use that. Don’t come crawling to us if you have a bad dream."<br/>Xiao Xingchen beams.<br/>"I'm not scared of anything!" Jun Yuan retorts.<br/>"Good, because we are monsters from your nightmares!" Xue Yang hisses.<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs happily.<br/>Jing scrunches up her nose. She doesn’t like it either when more people attach themselves to Xiao Xingchen and are put under his spell.<br/>"We don’t have enough room to fit five of us," she says.<br/>"I will build another room," writes Song Lan to Jing and Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Jing glares at him. Why isn’t he on her side?<br/>Xiao Xingchen smiles. "Its settled. We will get to work tomorrow to build a bigger house."<br/>Jing gets a funny look on her face, runs outside and throws up on the grass outside.<br/>Xue Yang and Song Lan exchange surprised glances.<br/>"She didn’t do that once when we lived in Yi city," he says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen turns a bit red. "Song Zichen, did you speak to a monk today about your marriage?"<br/>"Yes," Song Lan writes, hanging his head.<br/>"Good, we should see to that as soon as possible as well as enlarging the house," he says standing to his feet. "Chengmei and I are going to retire. Tomorrow will be a busy day."<br/>Xue Yang follows him obediently leaving Song Lan, Jing and Jun Yuan in the other room. They undress for bed and Xue Yang makes the bed the best he can. Xiao Xingchen smiles so big he's almost giddy.<br/>"Chengmei, Chengmei, Chengmei," he says, lying down on the blanket and shoddy pillow Xue Yang made that day.<br/>"Whh, what?" He stammers.<br/>"This place will become so alive and beautiful," he says. "I'm so happy I'm alive for this."<br/>Xue Yang blushes and lays down beside him. Xiao Xingchen rolls over to his side to face him even though he can’t see him.<br/>"Song Lan stood up for Jun Yuan which means he also wants Jun Yuan to stay with us. Can you imagine? Then what if Jing really is pregnant? There will be six of us!"<br/>Xue Yang sighs, moving a flyaway hair away from Xiao Xingchen's face. "What's so great about more people anyways, you have me?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs softly. "You like Jun Yuan, don’t even try to deny it."<br/>Xue Yang blushes but Xiao Xingchen can’t see. He buries his head into Xiao Xingchen's chest.<br/>"You aren’t going to replace me with some other, less damaged homeless orphan, are you?" He murmurs into his chest.<br/>Xiao Xingchen strokes his hair. "You are irreplaceable, Chengmei. After all, I did call you my cultivation partner."<br/>Xue Yang smiles breathing in Xiao Xingchen's scent. "Yeah, you did. Cultivation partners are for life."<br/>"I think you will like having someone to teach a few tricks to while me and Song Zichen try to make him forget them again," he says. "We both know how much you wish someone had been there for you when you were that age."<br/>Xue Yang sighs. "You keep thinking I'm a good person like you are."<br/>Xiao Xingchen hugs him tighter. "I know you have the potential to be a wonderful terrible uncle."<br/>"Jokes on you, I'll be a perfect uncle."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. What Jing Wants</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Let's face it she is the best character in this story</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Jing, could I have a minute with you," asks Xiao Xingchen after breakfast the next morning. Xue Yang had spent the entire mealtime trying to steal Jun Yuan's congee when he wasn’t looking and then the two picked up sticks and started a sparring match out the back door. Song Lan is annoyed watching Xue Yang's antics and starts building another wall in between the kitchen and the back door for him and Jing.<br/>"Of course, Daozhang," she says, wiping he hands on a towel and following him. Song Lan watches them leave and sighs deeply.<br/>They can’t go far because Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang can't be distant from each other so they sit down under the shade of a tree in the midst of the grassy field.<br/>"I want you to be honest with me, Jing," says Xiao Xingchen. "What exactly are your feelings for Song Lan? When did they begin and how does your relationship work?"<br/>Jing laughs.<br/>"In all seriousness, Jing. Of all of us you are the most ordinary. You are a pretty young lady who is intelligent, resourceful and kind. There is no reason why you should marry a corpse," says Xiao Xingchen solemnly.<br/>Jing frowns. "You want me to be serious. I'll be serious," she says. "I watched Song Lan die, I watched you kill yourself. Xue Yang made me blind and mute for years and I stayed in Yi city by your body being mistaken as a corpse by many who passed by." She looks away at the grass blowing in the breeze. "Song Lan and I are tied by shared experiences and by our love for you so it was only a matter of time till we were drawn to each other," she sits down on the grass by Xiao Xingchen's feet and picks a piece of dried straw playing with it nervously. "I'm not....as normal as you think, Daozhang," she says nervously. "I don’t belong in the common world anymore after what I've gone through. Even among different cultivators it's hard to explain what it was like to see you die, to lose my sight and my tongue. But Song Lan understands it. We understand each other. And he loves me with his whole unchanging heart. What more could a woman ask for?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen lowers his head. He leans against the tree and sighs deeply. "I'm sorry, Jing, I have failed you in so many ways, even now I've failed to understand you and your pain."<br/>Jing shakes her head. "I don’t want you to, Daozhang. I never want you to understand my pain. I want you to always see me as the little Jing you saved from a mean pompous ass in the marketplace."<br/>"Why?" He asks perplexed.<br/>Jing snaps a stick in half and tosses on half away she starts to peel the bark off the other. "Because I love you, Xiao Xingchen. No one in the world will ever love you as much as I love you," she says her tongue still struggling around some words here and there. "I don’t ever want to see you in pain again. I stayed by your body and I promised myself if Xue Yang succeeded in bringing you back I would protect you with my life and not rest until you were happy."<br/>Xiao Xingchen's heart pounds. "Jing, you're a young woman. I'm a cultivator. I should be the one protecting and helping and..."<br/>"Too bad, you're not," she says abruptly. "And I don’t give a damn who you are. You are my friend and you were broken so of course I wont rest until you’re well," she pauses. "But that's not what you want to know. You want to know if I love Song Lan? I don’t know," she says simply. "love you too much to tell. You consume my mind and have for too many years for me to really know how I feel. But I know that Song Lan is right for me and that you are meant to be like a father and a son to me."<br/>Xiao Xingchen covers his mouth. Moved by the tragic honesty she is sharing with him. "Jing, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I left in the first place. I'm so sorry I never recognized all that you have been doing this entire time..." he breaks off.<br/>Usually she gets annoyed when he apologizes but this time she stands up, takes him in her arms and strokes his hair. "Its time you stopped feeling guilty for everything and trying to save everyone but yourself." She puts both her hands on his head so he's facing her. "Your true wedding gift to me is for you to be selfish. Do what you want to do. Don’t try to protect me, help me, or even love me. I want you to be happy and free from the hurt you feel. Song Lan will be happy with me. Xue Yang's victims are avenged and he is all but harmless. So now I want you to think long and hard what you want, as selfishly as you can. And only then I will be free to love Song Lan with all my heart. Okay?"<br/>Xiao Xingchen nods holding in his sobs.<br/>"Has anyone ever told you, you cry a lot?" Says Jing.<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs softly. "Only since I was resurrected."<br/>Xue Yang suddenly appears, jumping down from the tree. He pushes Jing away from Xiao Xingchen and grabs Xiao Xingchen by the waist, not letting him go.<br/>"Your man is inside. This one is mine!" He snaps at her.<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs and puts his hand on Xue Yang's head and ruffles his hair. "No need to be jealous," he laughs. "My heart belongs to you." He follows his long hair down to his chest.<br/>Xue Yang's eyes soften immediately at his touch. Xiao Xingchen pulls him close to him again.<br/>"Thank you, Jing," he says to her.<br/>She nods, satisfied. "We aren’t leaving you. Not now, not ever." She turns to walk through the field back towards the house. "Xiao Xingchen, you belong to us, all three of us. And it is our mission to see to it that your suffering is over. You are only allowed to find happiness, from this day on!" she yells behind her at him. Jun Yuan runs up to her with a bleeding calf struggling to figure out how to bandage it up. She kneels down to help him. Xiao Xingchen takes a deep breath. Selfishness. Leaving suffering and guilt behind him. That is what he must do now. For Jing's sake so she can have her happy ending he must have his. He feels weight lifting off of him as he listens to her help and scold Jun Yuan. Sobs of relief rise in his throat and he buries his head in Xue Yang's hair.<br/>"What did she say to you? Did she make you cry?" He growls.<br/>Xiao Xingchen shakes his head. "I'm happy, Chengmei. I'm so happy I'm crying."<br/>Xue Yang rolls his eyes. "Has anyone ever told you, you cry too much?"<br/>He chuckles and buries his face deeper into Xue Yang's hair. Xue Yang smiles, enjoying the opportunity to comfort the gentle, ethereal weepy Taoist. He kisses his head and brings him down to the ground where he holds him while he cries under the shade of a big oak tree.<br/>"Jing sent me to tell you lunch is ready," says Jun Yuan. "Oh, and you guys are weird," he says and runs back into the house.<br/>"You’re weirder, you little homeless freak!" Yells Xue Yang back at him as he disappears over the hill.<br/>Little did Jun Yuan know he would grow up in this strange, hilariously dysfunctional, and weird family. And a Taoist, a corpse, a delinquent and a noble smart-ass woman named Jing would be his parents.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Seven Years Later</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Wei Wuxian is in this one</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Confused and bewildered Wei Wuxian looks around a small village. One main street with a few vendors and little stores along the road and some houses behind them. A few people going about their business with some children playing in the street. The village is surrounded by grassy fields and a few trees sparsely dotting the area. It has an isolated yet homey feel.<br/>"Excuse me, ma'am," says Wei Wuxian to an elderly lady passing by with a basket of eggs on her arm. She looks over him suspiciously.<br/>"Do you know a man by the name of Xiao Xingchen?" He asks politely.<br/>"You're looking for Xiao Xingchen?" A smile breaks out on her haggard and wrinkled face. "What a nice handsome man, that Xiao Xingchen. Gives a good name for cultivators. Not at all pretenscious and does so many good deeds, never asking anything in return. I'll tell you we haven’t had a problem with monsters or ghosts or corpses or anything in our town since they arrived seven years ago." She starts to walk down the street still talking. Wei Wuxian follows her smiling respectfully as the elderly lady continues to gabber on.<br/>"My husband's brother performed the ceremony for that other cultivator who is with him and his little wife Jing. Quiet pale fellow. I think his name is Song Lan. Handsome but never smiles. Seems quite taken with his wife though." She opens a gate to a house on the outskirts of town. Chickens duck out of the way. Wei Wuxian continues to follow her. She seems intent on telling him everything there is to know about Xiao Xingchen and his friends and Wei Wuxian is intent on hearing it.<br/>"Their little boy is beautiful. When she first brought him to town, we held a little party for them. She doesn't seem to have any family around these parts so we made sure she had what she needed to raise that precious little thing." She motions for him to come into the house and sit down at the table while she pours tea. Wei Wuxian wonders if they often get strangers from around here. She seemed immediately at ease though as soon as he mentioned Xiao Xingchen's name.<br/>"Don’t go up there though," she says in a lower voice. "I made that mistake once. The fellow Xiao Xingchen has with him. Chengmei, I believe his name is. He is like the Yiling Patriarch, see. I went through the wood and up the hill and stumbled upon some ghastly work that Chengmei was cooking up. Little Jun Yuan, my that young man has grown up surprisingly well," she comments in the middle of her sentence. "Anyways," she says lowering her voice again. "Jun Yuan was fighting a ghost soldier with a sword and Chengmei was standing there, smiling crookedly and controlling the ghost. It was terrifying. I turned tail and ran right back home. I keep telling my grandchildren don’t have anything to do with that crazy man but they always insist on playing with him whenever he comes to town. He brings them candy every time so it's no wonder."<br/>Wei Wuxian leans in. "This Chengmei fellow plays with the children?"<br/>"Oh, that's all he does! That and threatens the vendors. We once had a merchant of excellent repute come into town and he punched him in the face. He claimed he made a comment about Xiao Xingchen's blindness but I tell you, that man is no good. Those ghosts and corpses he uses are bad news. I don’t know why Xiao Xingchen keeps him with him. Such a noble man. I wished he would settle down with my granddaughter but, sadly, the man doesn’t show any interest in such things. I suppose that's what cultivation can do for someone."<br/>Wei Wuxian chuckles. He's heard many funny things about cultivation from common folk but lack of romantic desires has not been one of them.<br/>"Well anyways, they're good sort. Despite the crazy man. It's always an event when they come to town. If you want to risk it go up the hill towards the trees, you'll see a path and then it will clear into a field. You'll see their clan home there," she says. Motioning for him to look out the window. "I assume you're a cultivator friend of his by that sword you have by your side."<br/>Wei Wuxian nods. "Yes, he asked me to bring him something."<br/>The elderly lady smiles. "Well tell little Jing to come along down I have something for that new little one they have there. It will be ready by tomorrow," she says showing off a knitted blanket she was making.<br/>Wei Wuxian smiles. "I am truly happy to see Xiao Xingchen and his party has been so heartily welcomed by this kind village."<br/>The lady beams.<br/>"I must get going, though. Thank you for the tea," bows, drinks it all in one gulp and leaves. He has learned enough of what he wants to know. Now it is time to see the Taoist face to face.<br/>He strides along the trail and makes his way up the hill. The breeze blows the grasses gently and the trees thin out to reveal an open field. At the top of the hill a large wooden house and courtyard with four smaller houses around it. There is no wall around the little settlement. The walkways are made from uncut stones arranged to fit together and the courtyard is from made out of wooden boards like the houses. Wei Wuxian's breath catches in surprise. 'Did I take a wrong turn?' He wonders stopping at a large tree before the trail widens into the stone walkway. There's something running towards him from behind so he jumps back and draws his sword. Out from the trees a junior about 15 appears nearly running into his blade. He is wearing blue and black clothes and is handsome in every regard. Another figure appears out of nowhere with a dagger, shoving the sword away from the young man's chest. He pushes Wei Wuxian down and jumps onto him with his knife at his throat. Voices from over the hill stir and Wei Wuxian senses there will be more people at the scene soon.<br/>He looks up at the face of the stranger who appeared out of nowhere.<br/>"Xue Yang," he says, not necessarily surprised that this is how they meet again.<br/>"Wei Wuxian?" He says surprised, but not necessarily pleased.<br/>Wei Wuxian pushes him off him. His spiritual power greater than Xue Yang's since he has his sword and Xue Yang lost most of his reviving Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang lands on the ground in front of him frowning.<br/>"What do you have against my junior that you almost stab him?" He snaps.<br/>"Your junior?" Wei Wuxian laughs outright.<br/>"Yes MY junior. I've trained him since he was 7 years old!" He retorts.<br/>"Uncle Chengmei, do you know this man?" Asks the junior his eyes big looking over Wei Wuxian from head to toe.<br/>"An unfortunate old acquaintance of mine," he growls getting to his feet.<br/>"Last time we fought you heralded me a master and begged me for a favor," laughs Wei Wuxian sheathing his sword judging the situation harmless enough.<br/>Xue Yang sneers. "What's your business here?"<br/>"Xiao Xingchen asked me to come," replies Wei Wuxian.<br/>Xue Yang gaffaws. "Likely story, he wouldn’t call someone like you without telling me first."<br/>Wei Wuxian crosses his arms. "My business with Xiao Xingchen is my business."<br/>Xue Yang steps in front of the junior protectively. "Your spiritual power is greater than mine but if you harm Xiao Xingchen and any of our juniors, I will kill you as brutally as you know I can."<br/>"Juniors?" Says Wei Wuxian. Just then about 7 children aging from 5-13 appear and stare wide eyed at Wei Wuxian.<br/>"Wh... where did all these kids come from?" He stutters.<br/>"Who's that?"<br/>"Is he a cultivator?"<br/>"Uncle Chengmei, uncle Chengmei."<br/>Different kids chime in different things as they swarm Xue Yang hiding behind him and peeking out to look at Wei Wuxian.<br/>"Uncle Chengmei?" Wei Wuxian tries to hold in his laughter. Xue Yang scowls at him.<br/>"Scram you little street rats!" Says Xue Yang shooing them. "This is adult stuff."<br/>"But uncle Chengmeeeeeeiii." One kid whines and tries to climb up his arm.<br/>"What did I tell you! If you don’t listen I'll break your legs and put worms in your underclothes now beat it!"<br/>Slowly and hesitantly the kids obey.<br/>"A-Xi, where is Xiao Xingchen?" Asks Xue Yang to the 13 year old.<br/>"In the back garden with A-Song and A-Wan," he replies as he corals the little ones away and sneaks one curious glance back at Wei Wuxian.<br/>Xue Yang motions for him to follow. The first junior follows them as well. He probably has some kind of seniority over the others due to his age or skill or both, thinks Wei Wuxian. They skirt the courtyard and pass by two of the houses among the four little houses surrounding the courtyard. There are stone pathways leading up to the door of each one and distinct whispering coming from inside them.<br/>"Quit your whispering, you ugly rats!" Yells Xue Yang behind him.<br/>"You're uglier!" Says some girl putting her head out the window to yell back at him.<br/>"Watch your mouth or I wont feed you supper!" Retorts Xue Yang.<br/>She scoffs, "better to starve than eat your disgusting cooking!"<br/>"Its better than this guy's cooking!" He points at Wei Wuxian. The junior pushes Xue Yang forward before he continues to exchange insults with a ten-year-old.<br/>"That little A-Shi, who taught her to talk like that?" Xue Yang mutters under his breath.<br/>"You did, Uncle Chengmei. You taught all of us to talk like that," replies the junior.<br/>Xue Yang smacks him upside the head and the junior smacks him back.<br/>Wei Wuxian clears his throat. Xue Yang looks behind him sighs and continues down the stone path to the biggest house right behind the wooden courtyard. There are stairs leading up to it and it stands two storeys high. It's made out of wood like the rest of the buildings around it. Xue Yang skirts around the house and takes them to an idyllic carefully cultivated garden with numerous flowers growing amongst well tended shrubs and decorative rock formations. Among an open spot of yellow wildflowers and grass is Xiao Xingchen chasing after two children, a boy and a girl about 6 or 7 years old. They keep bluffing him and then running away. He catches one.<br/>"A-Song!" He exclaims.<br/>"Aw," the boy says.<br/>Xiao Xingchen laughs. His once emancipated face is full and warm. His clothes are white with soft blue trimming, contrasting the flowers and matching the sky above him. His laughter intermingled with the children's sounds like paradise. Wei Wuxian pauses, taken aback a little bit by the beautiful sight. Xue Yang frowns.<br/>"Alright, I brought you to him now stop staring at him. You have your own man," he snaps.<br/>Xiao Xingchen raises his head and turns. "Chengmei," he says. "Jun Yuan, and..."<br/>"Wei Wuxian," pipes in Wei Wuxian.<br/>Xiao Xingchen's smiles even brighter. "You're here so quickly. This is wonderful!" He exclaims. "Jun Yuan can you find Song Lan?" He says. "A-Song, could you find your mother?"<br/>"Yes Daozhang," they respond and run off.<br/>Xiao Xingchen stands up to face Wei Wuxian. "Please come with me to the main house. I'm sure Jing and Song Lan will be happy to see you as well."<br/>Xue Yang crosses his arms and stands still, refusing to follow. Xiao Xingchen pauses.<br/>"Thank you Chengmei for bringing our guest to me, my business with him also concerns you if you would be open to joining us. You too Jun Yuan."<br/>The two look at each other confused and then follow behind.<br/>Xiao Xingchen leads them inside and Wei Wuxian glances around the room. At the end of it are three raised chairs. Two stone steps lead up to them. The one in the center is the largest and there are furs covering the chairs and the stairs and floor below it. Xiao Xingchen takes his seat in the center chair, Wei Wuxian takes note that he is regarded as the leader. Xue Yang doesn’t sit down on either of the chairs but instead sits down on the steps in front of Xiao Xingchen and whittles a stick. Song Lan arrives. His typical cultivator's robes are switched for more durable black and green hunter’s clothes. They are form fitting and show off his powerful build with a hood he can pull over. He wears his sword at his side still, but he also carries a knife at his hip and a hatchet. Song Lan bows to Wei Wuxian respectfully and takes his seat beside Xiao Xingchen. Jun Yuan stands beside Song Lan with a youthful but solemn expression. Jing arrives carrying a toddler in her arms. Wei Wuxian assumes the toddler is the one the woman in town mentioned. The child has starkingly ugly eyebrows. He bites his lip.<br/>"Your baby is beautiful," he lies.<br/>Jing laughs. "Thanks, but this isn’t mine. A-Xi come take your sister!" She calls. The 13-year-old appears and takes the ugly baby. "Close the door behind you!" She says.<br/>The door closes and the six of them are left in the quiet. Jing turns and takes her seat beside Xiao Xingchen on his other side. Wei Wuxian is caught off guard by the sheer strength coming from her. Her hair is down and flows to her waist, her dress is white and purple, her arms are muscular and her hands are calloused from hard work. Her eyes twinkle as she observes Wei Wuxian with only a few small lines creasing the edges of them betraying the passage of time.<br/>"You look well. Thank you for your help last time we met. I never got to properly thank you," she says smiling brilliantly.<br/>Wei Wuxian bows respectfully to her. She is, after all, the matriarch of their growing clan.<br/>"Does Nie Huisang know you are building a clan in the outskirts of his territory?" He asks Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Xiao Xingchen chuckles. "He was happy to find out there are other cultivators who will do some of his clan's work for him."<br/>Wei Wuxian laughs. "Where have all these children come from?" He asks, although he has a pretty decent idea already.<br/>"Jun Yuan came to us at first by accident. Since then some came to us on their own, others we found," replies Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Wei Wuxian is unable to hold in his smile. "A clan not based on blood ties..."<br/>Song Lan nods.<br/>"We unfortunately don't have many resources yet which is why I am so honored that you considered my request," says Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Of course, we are both related to Baoshan Sanren and the Lan clan is deeply invested in how you and your party has fared since we last parted 7 years ago in Gusu," says Wei Wuxian.<br/>"Did you consider my request?" Asks Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"I had to do some investigating into what you four had been up to the past 8 years but so far I see no reason why we can’t grant your request," replies Wei Wuxian.<br/>"Every year you must have gotten more and more boring, Wei Wuxian," says Xue Yang blowing at his whittled stick. "Are we done with the pleasantries yet?"<br/>Wei Wuxian laughs.<br/>Xiao Xingchen blushes. "Chengmei, he came a long way for us."<br/>Xue Yang leans up against his legs and huffs loudly. "I don't like having him here. Last time we saw him he lied to you and he never even apologized."<br/>"You are right about that," says Wei Wuxian. "I apologize, Xiao Xingchen for deceiving you about the Burial Mounds."<br/>"It doesn’t matter. You did what you judged best at the time to protect me and for that I thank you," replies Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Xue Yang frowns.<br/>"Is there perhaps another reason, Xue Yang is so adamant about my presence?" Wei Wuxian grins searching Xue Yang's eyes.<br/>Xue Yang looks up at him. "You think you're entitled to judge us. You think you're entitled to judge me when your body count is far higher than mine and your cultivation far darker!" He snaps. "Just because you're with the great Hanguang Jun you think you can 'investigate' us and our way of life."<br/>Jun Yuan stares at Wei Wuxian wondering what kind of relationship him and his uncle once had.<br/>Wei Wuxian feels his face growing warm. "You think we are comparable?"<br/>"I think you're a hypocrite and I wish you weren’t here," replies Xue Yang. "I haven’t fought a man since Xiao Xingchen returned but you make me want to smack your pretty mouth."<br/>"You haven’t fought a man?" Wei Wuxian says. "You think I will believe that you haven’t fought a man, that you haven’t killed a man in 8 years?"<br/>"Nothing worse than a black eye!" He snaps. "And I shouldn’t have to answer to you, Yiling Patriarch. I don’t care if you've redeemed yourself in the cultivation world, you're still the Yiling Patriarch and your body count will always be higher than mine."<br/>Wei Wuxian pauses and sighs deeply. Xue Yang's face is red. Jun Yuan stares at his uncle, never having seen him look like this before.<br/>"Very well," he says in a softer tone. He had gotten Xue Yang angry enough to confess to any crimes and he responded with only minor ones. He takes out two swords, steps up to Xiao Xingchen and holds them out to him. Xue Yang glares protectively at him. Xiao Xingchen runs his fingers over the swords feeling their strength.<br/>"Thank you!" He says. "This is a wonderful gift. Jun Yaun will be ecstatic."<br/>Jun Yuan's jaw drops. "A sword, my sword? He brought me a sword. A real cultivation sword?"<br/>Wei Wuxian chuckles. "That it is. Its fitting for the first disciple to get a gift of a sword to complete his cultivation."<br/>He bows multiple times. "Thank you, thank you, master, whoever you are. I'm not strong enough to practice with Xiao Xingchen or Song Lan swords so Xue Yang had been teaching me with a common one."<br/>He takes the top sword from Xiao Xingchen's hands and feels it. Xue Yang can’t help but be happy for his junior.<br/>"But Daozhang. How will uncle Chengmei teach me? You can’t teach me because...you're uh, blind, and Song Lan can’t tell me what I'm doing wrong while we spar. Uncle Chengmei can’t fight me with a common weapon, can he? He always says he's never touching your sword for whatever reason."<br/>"Wait," the pieces come together in Xue Yang's mind.<br/>Xiao Xingchen holds out the other sword to Xue Yang. "A few months ago, I asked the GusuLan clan if they could forge two spiritual weapons for you and Jun Yaun. Wei Wuxian came to drop them off."<br/>Xue Yang steps back, away from the sword.<br/>"I had to make sure you wouldn't use it to go back to your old ways," says Wei Wuxian. "Xiao Xingchen said you needed it to train Jun Yuan and the other juniors as they grow."<br/>Xue Yang steps away from Xiao Xingchen and from Wei Wuxian. He swallows hard.<br/>"Xiao Xingchen...." he pauses. "I don’t know. I don’t know if its best... I don’t think you should trust me..." he turns and walks out of the room to the outside.<br/>Xiao Xingchen stands to his feet. "Please give me a moment. Jing, Song Lan, could you invite Wei Wuxian some refreshment after his long journey."<br/>They nod and immediately go about their task. Jun Yuan stares after Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"What kind of history do those two have?" He asks.<br/>"Wei Wuxian helped us defeat Xue Yang in Yi city before he revived Xiao Xingchen," replies Jing.<br/>Jun Yuan rolls his eyes. "There you go off again spouting nonsense about how uncle Chengmei ripped out tongues and slaughtered whole clans."<br/>"Your uncles and I have been telling you that story for years and you refuse to believe it," she says.<br/>"Uncle Chengmei saved my life, cared for me since I was 8 years old and protected me the entire time. You think I'll believe a man who did that for a rude, friendless orphan would slaughter a clan? He talks like he's scary but we all owe our lives to him and Daozhang. There’s nothing you can say to convince me that he ever did anything that bad," replies Jun Yuan.<br/>Jing shrugs. "Believe what you like. But never blame us for not giving you the answers."<br/>Jun Yuan eyes up Wei Wuxian trying to figure out how best to approach the subject of the 'body count', but is unsure how to do so.<br/>Wei Wuxian bites his tongue. It's best for this family to handle their domestic affairs in their own way.</p>
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<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Forgive Yourself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>oof</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Xue Yang!" Xiao Xingchen follows him outside. He goes to the back garden behind the house. Xiao Xingchen catches up with him and puts his hand on his shoulder to stop him.<br/>"Chengmei, what's wrong?"<br/>Xue Yang pauses. He's standing among the yellow wildflowers where Xiao Xingchen was playing with the children earlier. "Do you have to do this?" He says.<br/>"Do what?" Asks Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Trust me, push me, try to make me your equal. I'm not. I'm not like you. I'm not as good as you. I'm not trustworthy!" He says turning around to face Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"You have loved and cared for Juan Yuan for 7 years now. I know you wanted to teach him to cultivate with a sword. You were using a corpse puppet for him to practice with not too long ago. You tell me all that time and effort was just for my sake?" He says softly, a few wisps of his hair blowing in the light evening breeze.<br/>"And what if it was? What if these 7 years of raising Jun Yuan and saving all 13 of our dirty little kids was just so I could see a smile on your face? What if it was? What if I haven’t killed a man since you returned only because I knew it would hurt you? What if everything I have done is for your sake alone? That I have no love for anyone in the world but you and no desire in the world except for you to love me what then?" His face is red and his hands are trembling. "I'm not a good person, Doazhang. I know you want to believe I can be but I'm not."<br/>Xiao Xingchen feels his heart warm to the deepest part of his being. "Oh, Xue Yang," he says softly, reaching his hand over to Xue Yang's long thick tendrils framing his face. "If that is what you must tell yourself, I don’t mind. But I know in the deepest part of my being that you loved Juan Yuan since the day you met him. It was you who gave me courage to take him in and you who continues to give me courage to bring in the rest of them."<br/>Xue Yang shrugs. "It was your dream to change the world and to start a sect with Song Lan so I just helped you do it."<br/>Xiao Xingchen kisses his lips gently. "Thank you," he says. "Please accept my thank you gift." He holds out the sword. "So you can teach our juniors to rival me and Song Lan."<br/>Xue Yang sighs heavily. "If I kill someone with this, don't blame me."<br/>"You never needed a sword to kill someone, Xue Yang. Your knife, even your hands would do so just fine," says Xiao Xingchen not letting him make excuses.<br/>Xue Yang chuckles. "You are truly my match, Xiao Xingchen. You have completely defeated me and still you continue to try to reform me."<br/>Xiao Xingchen smiles. "And you continue to make elaborate schemes for my benefit."<br/>Xue Yang takes his face and kisses it hard, pulling him into his mouth. He waves a concealing talisman in the garden, and goes down to his knees before Xiao Xingchen.<br/>Before he knows what's happening Xiao Xingchen feels Xue Yang's warm mouth envelop him.<br/>"Ah!" He says and puts his hand on Xue Yang's head.<br/>"Doazhang, let me give you everything," he says. "My heart," he swallows deep into his throat and comes up to breathe. "My soul." Tears run down his face as he suppresses his gag reflex from choking on him. "My body."<br/>Xiao Xingchen moans.<br/>"I owe you my breath," he swallows him down. "My sanity," he chokes and then comes back for a breath. "My humanity."<br/>He lays his cloak on the ground and pulls Xiao Xingchen down onto it with him. He takes off his clothes and let's Xiao Xingchen feel the many scars marring his body. He pulls away at Xiao Xingchen's clothes to expose his bare chest and legs but he is completely naked for him to touch wherever and however he pleases. Xue Yang kisses down his neck along his chest and side. Slipping his fingers into Xiao Xingchen’ body. He groans and instinctively opens his legs wider for Xue Yang to play. Xue Yang lowers himself down to his stomach and runs his tongue along his thigh before swallowing him again. Xiao Xingchen’s heart pounds as the two sensations of Xue Yang’s expert fingers and tongue dance around his most sensitive parts. How quickly Xue Yang will duck his head to him. How quickly he will do anything to give him happiness or pleasure. But as he feels Xue Yang’s hungry throat deepen he can sense his desperation he to be closer to him. To be one with him. To be him. Xiao Xingchen’s mind goes blank as Xue Yang moves his fingers deeper into him. <br/>“Ah!” He cries out writhing in the tension. He bites his lip and clenches his body. Xue Yang gets chills up and down his spine as he looks at the object of his affection laying on the ground, his clothes falling off his shoulders accepting all the pleasure he can give him. He adds another finger and grips his hip with his free hand. How he wants to give his everything to this man. How wonderfully despicable he feels for being the one to take the heart of a righteous man. How frightfully inferior he feels and desperate he is to give him something, anything, that might make him deserve this man’s love. Xiao Xingchen’s whole body is writhing now and he is moaning uncontrollably, hi blindfold slipping off his eyes showing the forever closed eyelids. If only he could see this sight. Xue Yang thinks in a moment of delicious devilry. He lays sprawled out his arms limp, his legs apart fully open to him and his mouth open emitting a weakening moan every time he swallows him. His face is flushed and his thin, muscular but somehow fragile body tightens every time his other hand touches him. His fingers reach around his back and Xiao Xingchen arches his back automatically. Xue Yang feels a rush only Xiao Xingchen can give him as he looks as the enraptured face of the Taoist. Xiao Xingchen can’t see a thing he is doing or is about to do which makes it even more terrifying and delightful. Xiao Xingchen moans and groans helplessly and Xue Yang slows the moment he senses his beloved Daozhang about to cum. The tension is unbearable. He puts his hand on Xue Yang’s head.<br/>“Xue…Yang,” he says his voice raspy and hoarse. Xue Yang lifts his head and crawls up close to the Taoist’s chest and neck.<br/>"I belong to you, Xiao Xingchen," he says into his ear. "You can do to me whatever you want and I will do whatever you ask."<br/>Xiao Xingchen breathes a shuddered breath. "Forgive yourself," he whispers. Sadness filling his enraptured face. How he loves the desperate tongue of Xue Yang but how much more does he want Xue Yang to love him as an equal. “I’ve forgiven you…” he says softly, his whole-body trembling. He reaches his hand around and encircles Xue Yang’s mussed hair. Xue Yang pauses his fingers and weakens at the pure love radiating from Xiao Xingchen’s fingers. He starts to shake. Xiao Xingchen kisses him softly and smiles his warm, gentle smile. “Let yourself admit that you are beautiful. And I love you. And I want you,” he pauses to breathe. “I want Xue Yang.”<br/>Xue Yang lowers his head and returns to swallowing Xiao Xingchen's member. Tears fall down generously onto Xiao Xingchen's stomach as he sucks him in. Xiao Xingchen groans from the sick tension until he cums. Xue Yang stays down there, still crying. Xiao Xingchen takes off his over clothes and lays them over Xue Yang's shoulders. He pulls him close to his body.<br/>"I wish I hadn’t done it," he sobs into his shoulder. "I wish I hadn’t done any of it."<br/>Xiao Xingchen strokes his hair and holds him while he cries.<br/>"I'm such a despicable creature. Beyond and without redemption. I don’t know why you love me," he weeps.<br/>"I feel worthless too, Chengmei," he says softly into his ear. "I never understood why you love me either."<br/>Xue Yang clings to him tighter just wanting all the love and beauty he sees in Xiao Xingchen to pass into him. "I adore you," he says. "I adore the ground you walk on, the air you breathe."<br/>Xiao Xingchen feels warm. So, so wonderfully warm. He feels sad that Xue Yang thinks of himself so poorly but knows he isn’t one to talk.<br/>"If you try to see the good in yourself, I will do the same thing for myself," he says.<br/>Xue Yang nods into his shoulder. "Alright."<br/>"What are you going to name your sword?" Asks Xiao Xingchen.<br/>"Midnight Breeze," he says without a pause.<br/>Xiao Xingchen's breath catches. "People used to call me something like that."<br/>"I know, that's why I'm naming it that," he replies his voice muffled. "So everywhere I go with it, even if you aren’t nearby, I won’t do anything that would hurt you."<br/>Xiao Xingchen couldn't hold him any tighter if he wanted to. Their arms and bodies are entangled in one another’s and neither of them have any more words to say to express the intense and undefinable love that they are feeling. They lie in each others’ arms until their tears are spent and their strength is gone. The sun sets and sends its last few rays up into the sky before it sinks down under the hills. Still Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen lay in one another’s arms wordlessly with no sound between them but the breath in their lungs and their simultaneously beating heart.<br/>The End</p>
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<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Goodbyes are hard</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"There's something wrong with Jun Yuan," says Xiao Xingchen one day brushing his hair before bed.<br/>Xue Yang is undoing his belt and setting down his sword beside their bed.<br/>"Since he came home from town today, he yelled at A-Xi, refused to eat supper, and I overheard him crying behind the big tree," says Xiao Xingchen putting his brush down.<br/>"I tried to talk to him but he doesn’t talk to me about his problems. Song Lan sparred with him today and told me he was unusually aggressive. He tried to talk to him too but he just said he needs time to think," Xiao Xingchen frowns.<br/>"What did Jing say?" Asks Xue Yang.<br/>"She told him to smarten up and eat his dinner and apologize to A-Xi or she'd take a switch to his wrists."<br/>Xue Yang chuckles. "Sounds like her. The only person she's ever sympathetic to is you."<br/>Xiao Xingchen sighs and climbs into bed. "I just don’t know how to talk to him. He is at that rebellious stage now and he only seems to respond to you and Zichen."<br/>Xue Yang rolls his eyes. "You want me to talk to him tomorrow?"<br/>"If you could!" He replies smiling.<br/>"Fine, I don’t think he will talk to me either. We don’t really 'talk' I just train him while we hurl insults at each other back and forth," he says.<br/>"You understand him best and talk to him like a friend. He trusts you." Xiao Xingchen removes his blindfold and sets it beside his bed. Xue Yang lies down on his chest and looks at the scarred closed eyelids. Even after all these years the sight of them still affects him. He kisses his forehead and touches his eyelids gently with his fingertips before curling up closer to him. Xiao Xingchen breathes out softly and falls asleep. Xue Yang stares at him for awhile, never tired of his beautiful face. He sleeps so peacefully now, hardly any worried lines across his face and a slight smile creasing the corners of his lips as he breathes in and out evenly. His bare chest and shoulders are muscular yet he still looks a little bit vulnerable lying naked in his bed with him. Exhaling Xue Yang reminds himself not to get too carried away or he won’t be able to control himself and Xiao Xingchen needs to rest.<br/>He steals out of bed and puts his clothes on quietly, sneaking out of the room. Xiao Xingchen sits up after he leaves and smiles tossing something after him before collapsing back into the covers.<br/>"Where do you think you're going, young man?" Xue Yang finds Jun Yuan sneaking out across the courtyard at midnight with his sword at his side and a pack on his back.<br/>Jun Yuan freezes. "Un...uncle Chengmei," he stammers.<br/>"You think you can uncle Chengmei me right now when you're trying to run away from the only people who've ever loved you?" He snaps. He has little tolerance for people who run away from those who love them. As someone who lost his family at a young age and latched onto the first semblance of a family he could get, he has no patience for this rebellious stage of youth.<br/>"You don’t understand," he protests, hanging his head. "Its complicated."<br/>Xue Yang picks him up by his color and takes him into the main house, dropping him down on a couch in a quiet room he steps back. "Well explain," he crosses his arms with an angry glint in his eye. This punk trying to leave him. Leave their family. He'll be lucky if he doesn’t whoop his ass till it bleeds.<br/>Jun Yuan looks around nervously, red etching the sides of his ears. Uncle Chengmei can be scary when he's serious.<br/>"I met my brother today..." he admits.<br/>"So what? Did you kill him?" Xue Yang fails to see how that would warrant running away. "Don’t worry, Xiao Xingchen would probably be a little bit stern to you and you might get punished but he did abandon you as a little kid so he deserves it."<br/>"N...no I didn’t kill him. He has a family..." Jun Yuan shifts uncomfortably.<br/>"You killed his family...hm," Xue Yang frowns. "Leave him to suffer for years all alone and remember what he did to you and how he replaced you and then kill him, that's the plan?"<br/>"Uncle!" Jun Yuan turns a but pale.<br/>"Don't worry. Daozhang will probably send you to Gusu for discipline. It won’t be fun I can tell you that for sure but it will be okay. Daozhang does frown upon killing innocents but what's done is done."<br/>"I didn’t kill anyone!" Sputters Jun Yuan. "Are you crazy? What's wrong with you?" <br/>Xue Yang has half a mind to smack him upside the head. "So why the hell would you run away if you didn’t do anything Daozhang wouldnt like?"<br/>"Promise you won't tell anybody?" He says staring at the floor.<br/>"No, and even if I did you couldn’t trust me because I'm a liar," he says, leaning forward, baring his teeth at the trembling kid. "But you're going to tell me anyways."<br/>"Uncle Chengmei, you’re scaring me," he says tears filling his eyes.<br/>"Good," Xue Yang replies clicking his tongue. "When I was younger men would tremble at the sound of my footsteps and cry at the sight of my face. And now, a 16-year-old kid thinks he can keep secrets from me. You need to learn exactly who you're dealing with."<br/>Jun Yuan tries to hold in his sobs and trembles as tears roll down his cheeks. "My brother wants to send his son here to learn to cultivate!" He admits covering his face with his hands.<br/>"That's silly we only take in orphans and abandoned children who have no home to go to," says Xue Yang.<br/>"He's going to pretend to be one," he looks up at his uncle his face red and his eyes faltering.<br/>Xue Yang is still confused.<br/>"I couldn’t bear to look at the face of the child my brother loves more than me day in and day out so I decided to run away." He heaves. "He told me I wasn’t actually his brother, that he just picked me up when I was crying on the street one day and saved my life. I didn’t believe him but I found out from old mother Giyu that it was true. He said he got tired of me because I was such a bad kid so he left me when he knew I would survive okay..." he heaves again. "I know I owe it to him but I can’t bear to look at that child's face! Nobody wanted me but I don’t know what I did wrong..."<br/>Xue Yang's heart pounds. His face turns red with anger. "I'm going to kill him!" He hisses.<br/>"Wh... what?" Jun Yuan looks up.<br/>"I'm going to kill that bastard. He couldn’t even finish what he started with you and now he thinks he can dump his kid on us! What a worthless, insolent pigheaded, man!"<br/>"Its not his fault...I was a bad kid. You’d always tell me I was a bad kid. I know it must have been my fault somehow..."<br/>Xue Yang smacks him across the face. "You told me I was a bad uncle all the time so don’t give me that pity story. How did you turn out more like Xiao Xingchen than me? Blaming yourself for stupid reasons, thinking its you're fault for even breathing on this earth. Ah! How did you turn out this way? I thought I raised you better than this!"<br/>Jun Yuan sobs uncontrollably. "I'm sorry Uncle Chengmei, I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment."<br/>Xue Yang rolls his eyes. He picks him up and stands him to his feet. "Look at me, Jun Yuan. Face me like you do when you're giving me hell for burning breakfast."<br/>He trembles and meets his eyes.<br/>"Your brother is a coward. Your brother is a liar and a disgusting lowlife. You, were a child. What he did to you was not your fault. Repeat that!"<br/>"Mmmy brother is a coward...uncle I can’t... I'm not like you. I'm not as confident or as brave or as good as you are."<br/>Xue Yang sighs. He sits down on the couch and Jun Yuan sits down beside him. This child thinks far too highly of him.<br/>"You really don’t believe those stories we always tell you about Song Lan's old clan and tongue and Xiao Xingchen's blindness and scar on his neck?"<br/>"You mean those ridiculously far fetched stories of horrific crimes you supposedly committed?" He replies.<br/>"I think it's about time you started to believe those," says Xue Yang with an uncommonly serious expression on his face.<br/>"Oh please, I know you probably killed and a lot of people thought you were a black sheep in the cultivation world but I know you better than that. Daozhang probably made some horrible mistake which resulted in Song Lan getting hurt and Daozhang almost dying and you saved them and then performed some amazing cultivation to save their lives but bound you to Daozhang. So now whenever anyone asks you tell these insane stories because the memory is too painful for Daozhang," spouts his projected fabrication and Xue Yang stares at him slightly awestruck at the creativity of his junior.<br/>"You think more highly of me than I do!" He chuckles. "And that's hard to do." He undoes his belt and pulls his clothes off of his shoulders to reveal his back.<br/>"What are you doing?" Asks Jun Yuan.<br/>"Its time you accepted the truth," he says. "See these scars and that brand on my side?"<br/>Jun Yuan's eyes bulge. "Yeaah."<br/>"That was punishment for my crimes. The only reason I'm not dead is because my life means Xiao Xingchen's life. If I die, he dies. So I endured severe punishment in the GusuLan clan for what I had done and somehow Daozhang forgave me." He pulls his clothes back on and sits back down beside Jun Yuan.<br/>Jun Yuan shakes his head. He leans over onto Xue Yang's shoulder. "I don’t want to believe that story and I never will," he says curling up his legs onto the couch and putting his full weight onto Xue Yang. "If you're the villain to the world you're the hero to me. Thanks for stopping me from running away. I didn’t want to."<br/>Xue Yang puts his arm over his shoulder. "You're an okay kid, Jun Yuan. Now, how do you want to get that son of a bitch back for trying to trick your uncles and abandoning you to the mercies of crazy cultivators like me."<br/>Jun Yuan laughs softly. "I don’t know. I just want to stay here."<br/>"Why don’t we scare him a little," a voice comes from the doorway and there stands Xiao Xingchen. He's leaning against the doorway with a smile on his face.<br/>"Daozhang!" They both exclaim.<br/>"When did you get here?" Asks Xue Yang.<br/>Xiao Xingchen holds up a paper doll. "Since the beginning," he chuckles. "Now, you both seem to think I'm a pushover," he says.<br/>They stare at their hands nervously.<br/>"But I'm not about to let some common coward think he can trick powerful cultivators and take advantage of our kindness. We need to strike some fear and respect on the hearts of common people every once in awhile," he laughs. "Xue Yang, what's your scariest ghost you can summon?"<br/>Xue Yang grins. "I have a few ideas."<br/>Jun Yuan studies his two uncles, well they're more like parents to him, but they insist on being called uncles. His face warms with love for them. He knows in his heart that the stories are probably true but he doesn’t care. He is starting to realize who he is as the first disciple in a forming clan and where he belongs. He belongs here, with Daozhang, Uncle Chengmei, Uncle Zichen, Aunt Jing and the rest. And he couldn’t be happier about it.</p><p>Final Epilogue<br/>Jing passed away after a long life seeing her son grow up and meeting her grandchildren. She died in her husband's arms while he hummed to her. Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang died 50 years later. They had built a strong clan alongside Song Lan and Jing and named it the LanJingChen clan. The members were orphans and abandoned children raised to be powerful cultivators. They were the arbitrators, mediators, the judges and the assassins of the cultivation world. If any cultivator was abusing their power and killing innocents, they would be taken to the LanJingChen clan for judgement. If they were found guilty by the clan who had no blood ties or strong connections to anyone but one another they would face punishment. If a cultivator relied on his family ties and hid behind them in order to oppress, he would often go missing or be found dead with a note stating his carefully investigated crimes and signed the LanJingChen clan. Because of this peace ruled the cultivation world and people dying for crimes they did not commit became less frequent. The disciples would follow a strict code not entirely unlike those of the GusuLan clan but less rules and less leniency.<br/>Xiao Xingchen had accomplished his goal. He died with Xue Yang at an old age. When he knew his time was coming, he went on a final night hunt with Xue Yang and never returned. Song Lan went out to find them and returned with their swords but was unable to find their bodies. He sensed their essence though near their swords and knew they had passed on.<br/>After his son died and his grandchildren's children grew up Song Lan knew it was time for him to go. He had made the LanJingChen clan strong, rivalling the Jiang Clan in size and strength. And he had protected the dream of his friend and raised many more abandoned children to become good, kind and wise cultivators like Xiao Xingchen. He disappeared one night taking Shaunghua, and Moonlit Breeze with him, along with a ribbon he had carefully kept of his late wife. No one knew where he went. Some of his disciples said he went to go tell Boashan Sanren that his disciple really had changed the world and had built a better clan than the detached Taoist ever would. Some said he simply died in a night hunt. But no one found him after that. It was like he had disappeared off the edge of the earth. Sometimes the LanJingChen disciples swear some night as they looked up at the stars, they could see two threads of essence intertwining each other, one red one white in a constant dance, or two clear voices coming from the stars. A man's voice and a cheery woman's melody.<br/>"Give me all of your love<br/>Until death and beyond<br/>Then we will live up in the sky happily."</p><p>The Final and Complete End</p>
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